How To Thrive After Past Traumas
Sometimes things can be thrown at you in life that can cause trauma and future obstacles. Although those times may be hard to move past, there are ways to thrive after trauma. Today Ray has on Laser Coaching guest Lyle Gacke to talk about how to thrive after past traumas.
If you want to see the full training click HERE or the image below…
Thrive After Trauma
Ray Higdon: Let’s bring out our next victim, I mean, friend, Lyle. So talk to me. So where are you at right now? What’s going on?
Lyle: That’s the million dollar question. I’m just stuck. I learned all these great things from all your coaches. I’m in the inner circle now and coach Jenny Hendrickson is my coach and.
Ray Higdon: Awesome.
Lyle: And I feel like I know what I need to do, but I just can’t pull myself to get it done. I mean, I have the time, I feel like I know, but I just don’t get the daily stuff done and I don’t move forward. I don’t feel like I’m impacting enough people the way want to.
Ray Higdon: What is it that you want? What are you hoping for? Who do you want to become? What does it that you actually want?
Lyle: I’m 55 years old now and I really didn’t know what I wanted to do really up until just recently. But what I’d really like to do is just be at a point in my life where I can do things for people that they may not be able to do for themselves, because I grew up in a good home, but we didn’t have a lot of money. So we didn’t have a lot of things. So we were always seemed like we were struggling and that’s kind of just melded over into my entire life.
And so I want to be at a point where if people need help, whether it be, we have a lot of things [inaudible] do with mission, different missions with One Child Matters and things like that in Haiti and different stuff like that. But on a scale like that or bigger to do similar to what you and Jess do, but in the different venues, because we have different things that feel are important to us obviously.
Ray Higdon: And why don’t you think you’re doing the work?
Lyle: I honestly don’t have an answer to that because I have the time and I know I need to do it. I’m just not getting it. I’m spending too much time doing other things with… I’m trying to get in every club house room with the girls and all the different things. I’m kind of like that person that you want something then you see something a bit shinier and you try to go check it out. And then for instance, when I first got into network marketing again, I did it, like Julie, I did it when I was younger and did terrible at it. Got out of it for a while. Then I got in again and I was doing okay and I got a lot of people to invest a lot of money and then the company folded and that didn’t feel very good to me. So I just for the last 20 years to put it out off my head until recently when I had success with what I was doing personally, and people started asking me questions and how can they do what I’m doing. And so.
Ray Higdon: What do you mean you had success personally.
Lyle: Yeah. Personally with my journey because I’m in health and wellness. So from where I was at to where I got people were asking how I did that, people around me and my family and friends and people from the bagel shop and stuff like that. So I had a lot of people asking [crosstalk]
Ray Higdon: So you lost weight, is that what you mean?
Lyle: Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Ray Higdon: Okay.
Lyle: Lost week and just changed my whole physiology. I mean 180 from what I was personality-wise and everything.
Ray Higdon: So I just want to point something out. I mean, I can tell that it wasn’t your fault they lost their money.
Lyle: I know, but I feel that way.
Ray Higdon: Yeah. It wasn’t your fault. I had the exact situation happen to me. I had a real estate meetup club and we would meet up and talk real estate and a guy came in and he was very charismatic, very smooth. I invested with him, told several other people to invest with him. I didn’t tell them invest with him, but I said, “Hey, I’m doing it, check it out if you want.” And many of them invested and he was a crook.
He took all of our money. And for me, I was able to bounce back. Several of those people really, really struggled. Now, it certainly made me gun shy. And I don’t think I’ve ever raised money again, but I was able to understand the difference between that scenario and business itself. You helping people get started in a network marketing company, which I assume that’s what you’re wanting to do right now.
Lyle: Mm-hmm (affirmative). Yep.
Ray Higdon: Has nothing to do with them losing their life savings. I mean, it’s literally difficult in most companies for you to put more than 10 grand in products in your garage anymore.
Lyle: Right. Yeah.
Ray Higdon: And you wouldn’t suggest that anyway.
Ray Higdon: And so for you to reach, if we are so worried about causing possible harm that we let that affect everything else in our life. So we just play so small, we can never cause harm then we just don’t get to do the things that are meaningful for us. But the thing is, you don’t ever have to, I’m not saying go back and raise that money or something. You don’t ever have to do that if you don’t want to. I have a lot of friends that come to me and, “Hey, man, help me raise some money.” I just kind of choose not to do that.
Ray Higdon: But that doesn’t mean I draw the same conclusion to take in any amount of money or selling someone a product or suggesting a restaurant or anything like that. They’re very different worlds to me. And but the big thing that you should own is that it’s not your fault. Did you have money with it?
Lyle: Not as much as they did. That’s the [crosstalk]
Ray Higdon: But you had money with it…
Ray Higdon: And it’s all relative, right? It’s all relative. So I remember… This is an odd story, but I’ll break it up a little bit, because I found it humorous. So I remember reading, before it was a movie, I read Jordan Belfort’s books, the Wolf of Wall Street and Catching the Wolf of Wall Street. And he talked about how he was such a druggie that when he was in the UK, I think it was in the UK. He had Quaaludes flown over and it was $20,000, but he was making 50 million a year. So mathematically, that was like what Americans spent on a pizza. And so money is relative. There may have been people that you helped or people that invested that had more money than you.
Right? But the thing is, you also believed in it, you also invested in it. And so you didn’t hoodwink them, you didn’t rob them, you didn’t steal from them. Now, maybe they accused you of that, which is unfortunate. But I can tell just by talking to you, I can just tell from your heart that you didn’t mean that. That wasn’t you, that’s not your fault. And you really need to own that. Because if we don’t own that, then you’re not going to be able to impact as many kids as you want to. You’re not going to be able to impact the important things for you, because you’re just going to keep so worried about causing harm that we just never play to our potential. Does that make sense?
Lyle: Yep, it does.
Ray Higdon: It wasn’t your fault, man.
Lyle: I got to figure out how to avoid that, that’s the thing. Sorry for.
Ray Higdon: It’s all right. But you just got to learn, you got to forgive yourself, man. And are you still in contact with any of those guys that invested or are they mad at you, are they…
Lyle: Nope. I haven’t heard a word since it happened from any of them. There’s probably two or three guys.
Ray Higdon: Have you reached out to them?
Lyle: No. No, I have not.
Ray Higdon: Okay. So I would reach out to them. And don’t be addicted to their response because I don’t know your relationship or anything, but I would reach out to them and just say, “Hey, I’ve been…” Individually, right? “Hey, I’ve been thinking about you and I feel so bad over what happened. All of us believed in that thing. It didn’t work out and I’ve just felt really bad about it. And I apologize, I haven’t reached out sooner.” And you say that, anyone with any kind of compassion is going to tell you, “It’s okay, man.” And if someone comes out yet and they’re mean to you, just know that they’re going through some hurt that isn’t your fault.
Lyle: I’ll try to find them. It’s been a lot of years. A lot of years. [inaudible] yeah.
Ray Higdon: And if you can’t, in a silent meditation or prayer or whatever you want to call it, just kind of think about them and in your head, tell them you’re sorry. I would try to reach out to them, but I wouldn’t hire a detective or something. If those who I can’t find or get ahold of, then I’m just going to in my head I’m going to send them an apology and send them loving energy. I prefer, for example, right now I have a friend going through a cancer treatment and it’s very different than this scenario, but it’s an example of what I’m talking about.
With yours, I would only do it one time, but for me every morning I send him healing energy. I just think about him and see him in better shape and see him feeling good and in good health. And so I just kind of, I may not call him all the time. I mean, I text them all the time, but every morning I’m sending him energy, send him love and just thinking about him and blessing him, seeing him in perfect health. And so it is a powerful process for you to start feeling better to do that. And so I would definitely do that and just know what you’re doing right now has zero to do with that. And Hey, what if? Because here’s the thing, right? Do we know when a company is going to go down? Never.
Ray Higdon: We never know. And so if we always run so timidly that it won’t hurt if it goes down, then what are we doing? This is just a big waste of time. And so, I mean, I’ve seen a lot of companies close and that kind of thing. The best thing you can do is be the very best version of yourself and lead people in the very best way that you can. And God forbid something happens, then you’re going to lead them into the next thing. You’re going to help them out with the next thing. And whatever that looks like, it may be something totally different who knows. But for you not to tap into your greatness and your potential because of past harm, it’s just like, we’re just counting the days of this lifetime, “I’ll only be around for a few more decades and then no worries. I can’t hurt anybody.”
Lyle: Good point.
Ray Higdon: Does that resonate with you? I feel like that resonates with you.
Lyle: It does and it’s a hundred percent true. I just need to spend some time in prayer and thought and just forgive myself and for that, you’re right.
Ray Higdon: Yeah.
Lyle: Just it’s a healing process and I’ve always just kind of, I’m a hard worker. You put me in a room with someone and I’ll work and outwork anyone, but when I’m by myself, it’s a whole different story. I just kind of… I’m kind of like Julie, I’m an over-thinker and I let too many things spray my thoughts out to whatever. And so yeah, it’s [crosstalk]
Ray Higdon: Those are, I didn’t bring it up with Julie because I want to get her to a place, but overthinking is just bullshit distractions. Overthinking is how do I distract myself from becoming who I’m afraid of and who I’m afraid of is the bigger version who has much more power, much more influence, much more impact, much more power. Right? And I’ll look it up real quick. Because I really like this quote and I don’t want to butcher it, which I tend to do.
So Marianne Williamson, “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.” I know you know that you have amazing potential inside of you. You have greatness within you. You could easily be impacting a lot more people. And, but if we’re so worried about past harm and possibly causing harm, we’re just not going to get there. And you deserve that, man.
Lyle: I appreciate that. You’re right. I know you’re right. I just have to, like you said, get right with myself and…
Ray Higdon: Yeah.
Lyle: Then make it happen.
Ray Higdon: Yeah.
Lyle: I got all the tools.
Ray Higdon: Yeah. And so you forgiving yourself is really step one of this. You forgiving yourself and then if you work better in a group, which is what you’re talking about to move to that next level, right? Then do what, I mean, we’ve taught this before, do 15 minute recruiting blitzes with buddies, even if they’re cross-lined.
Ray Higdon: Even if they’re not even in your team, just get in there and hustle. And I had to learn, it took me a while to adapt of I’m used to being the hardest worker. And then when I left corporate America and I’m here by myself, it took me a while to kind of like tap into that work ethic again.
Ray Higdon: And so there were a lot of times where I would integrate, join a mastermind, join a group and get some production that way. But, but I mean, I can just tell, man, you’re a good dude. You are.
Lyle: I like to think so.
Ray Higdon: The world needs more good dudes like you. And so for you to limit yourself while there’s blood pumping through your veins and you could be impacting more people and helping more people be good dudes, it’s just, we don’t want to see that, man. I want to see you thriving.
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