In today training Ray interviews Kim and Greg Elam, where the question asked is how to envision success when you’re not a visionary.
If you want to see the full training click HERE or the image below…
Ray Higdon: Please welcome Kimberly and Gregory Elam. What’s going on, guys?
Gregory Elam: We’re doing well. How are you doing today?
Kimberly Elam: Hi. Ray Higdon: Good, good, good. You guys build the business together, but I’m mainly coaching Gregory. Is it Gregory or is it Greg?
Gregory Elam: I’ll go by Greg.
Ray Higdon: Greg. Gregory Elam: Yeah.
Ray Higdon: Okay. So Greg, tell me where are you at? How can I help?
Gregory Elam: Yeah. So Kimberly got into this business actually about 10 years ago this month, and she’s had some amazing successes with it. I have helped along the way. About four years ago, as I was approaching eligibility for early retirement, we saw the potential that this could be done and that we could build it together. With that, I did retire last December and this is what we do. Now we’re working and building the business together. As again we’ve said, we’ve had some amazing successes. We have earned some nice incentives. She has been in the top of the company, recognized on several occasions for her achievements. And now that I’m working this with her and we’re seeing some of the struggles that I’ve struggled with most of my life, and part of mine is my ability to dream, the difficulty I have with the dreaming, looking at the opportunities, having vision, and sharing goals. She’s been the visionary and we’ve a lot of times pushed towards that, but things like vision boards and stuff have never really been my thing. And you hear a lot of your times that you talk about this, what’s the feeling, imagine the thought, imagine the smells of being there. What’s it going to sound like when somebody’s congratulating you? Those things don’t come very easy to me. I am an analytical more type of person. My background’s in engineering. And I know that I’m have this issue. And when we had the opportunity to do this coaching, we both immediately said, “Hey, this is my problem. What can we do? What can be said?”
Ray Higdon: For sure. So, I mean, I definitely get it. I can identify with it. I’ve often struggled with that too. And the first thing, so if we rewind everything back to what is the very first step to changing anything is to change the way that we describe it. And so there is no amount of practice or books or anything. And I wanted to see how close you would say it to what was written here, from either Jenny or Mary Kate, I’m not sure who wrote this, but it says, “I am not a visionary. I find it difficult to see into the future, to set goals, or to get excited about opportunities such as an incentive trip.” And so, so long as you say that, it has to be true.
Now what most people think is they think that there’s reality, and just how we react to reality. So that’s who I am. I’m just this. Or reality is just this, what can I do? And then there are people that alter reality. There are people that change neighborhoods. There are people that go from not creative to creative, which was me. I remember one of my very, very early mentors, he used to say, and Hoverson said this too. So I’ll use Hoverson as the example. So Hoverson said to me one day, he goes, “You’re really funny, but people don’t know that. You should mix that more into your videos.” And I said, “Well, I’m just not very creative.” And this was, whatever, 10 years ago, something like that. Probably 10 or 11 years ago.
And I just said, “Ah, I’m just not very creative.” And he goes, “Why do you say that?” I’m like, “Right? That’s reality.” I’m like, “What do you mean? I’m telling you reality. I’m not very creative.” And he goes, “That doesn’t serve you. Stop saying it. Anything that you’re saying that doesn’t serve you, stop saying it.” And so step one, if we go all the way back, before tasks or action steps or books or meditation or anything, step one is changing the way we describe it. Because as long as we describe it in a way, it cannot change a way. And so I’ll give you an example. So I gave you one already, me being creative. Right? And so I stopped saying it. And there were times I’d go to say it and I’d be like, “Nope. I’m not going to say it.”
And so all of a sudden, I started having different ideas and reality shifted. And now, a lot of people accuse me of being creative. And so I accept it. I’m like, “Okay.” Right? I definitely have way more people that accuse me of being creative than not, than people say I’m not creative. I don’t know that I ever get that anymore. But I used to get it when that’s what I kept saying. So we had some friends over and this was, I don’t know, maybe six months ago or maybe longer. And they have little kids and so do we, obviously, and so their little girl fell down and I forget which one of them said, but they were like, “Oh, you’re so clumsy. Watch where you’re going.”
And I thought, I’m like, “I’ve heard them say that before. I should probably tell them that they’re right now imprinting an identity of clumsiness on that kid.” Right? And you can’t say that to every parent. Not every parent’s open to hearing parenting advice, right? But they said it and I’d heard them say it before. And about 10 minutes later, somehow, I don’t know how, I still to this day don’t know how, but somehow she turned over this really thick glass table. I mean, it’s heavy. It would take me effort. I would have to try some and she’s very, very young. And so all of a sudden, table glass everywhere. No one got hurt, no one got injured, no one got cut, but there’s glass everywhere, all over the floor, all over my shoes, all over everything.
And later that night, or no, the next morning, I thought, I’d wait. The next morning I messaged the dad and I said, “Hey, man. I just want to throw something out there. You guys are constantly telling her that she’s clumsy, and she’s constantly living up to your expectation. You might want to change that. You might want to stop saying that she’s clumsy.” And because you’re very impressionable, especially before age six, very impressionable. They’re literally taking everything as truth. And so might want to stop saying that. They did stop saying that, and I haven’t seen her do anything clumsy since. And we’re close friends. We see them all the time. And so whatever you are saying has to remain true. And so step one, and to help you with this, and this is why you may… Have you ever tried affirmations?
Gregory Elam: To some point, but not consistently.
Ray Higdon: Yeah. So affirmations won’t work if they’re just said by themselves, when you’ve had a lifetime, I bet, of saying this. So you couldn’t just say, “I’m so happy and grateful. I’m creative. I’m so happy.” I keep saying creative. I don’t mean creative. “I’m so happy and grateful that I feel the emotions of success.” That just wouldn’t work because your brain would be like, “Yeah, right. No, you don’t.” And so what you can do, I’m going to give you two things. And the second thing is something I’ve never shared publicly. I’ve shared it with one other person, but I think it’ll help you. Because it definitely helped me, because I’ve struggled with generating the emotions and stuff like that. And so one is, if you are wanting to say affirmations, you have to acknowledge what you’ve been saying. So up until now, I’ve felt like I struggle with emotions and being able to visualize, but I’m so grateful it’s getting better and better.
That’s an infinite change. That’s a monumental restructuring in your brain. And so you just making that little change, up until now, or in the past, right? And so you could say either, but after thinking about it, I still think in the past is better, because it separates it a little bit. Right? And so up until now is like right this moment, moving forward. Up in the past, it means it was a little bit far ago. And the more that you say that, the more it gets put in the past. And one, why is this so important? Because people new to this kind of training, they’re probably like, “Well, why don’t you just do the work, man?” Just do the work, dude.” You can. You can just do the work and you can accomplish stuff.
If you ever want to speed things up though, it’s like Neville Goddard teaches, and that is create the feelings. And I found that even Neville isn’t that great at teaching the feelings. And he’s got a couple things that are helpful, but you feeling the feelings of having what you already wish will speed things up, will create magic, will create things happen out of nowhere. And so if you’re going to do affirmations, that is how I would say it. So catch yourself. The next time you go to say, “I just struggle to visualize and I’m just…” Right? That was like me with dancing. I was just like, “I’m not a very good dancer. Reality.” And it was reality. I’m not saying it’s not reality. It was reality, because I had spoken it into reality so many times.
And I made that. So this made this, not this was reality. This was made. All reality around you was made. And it’s not just you’re just stumbling through the universe, and here we are. It was made. And the more that’s been said, the more solid that reality has become. It can be changed. And so when I stopped saying, “Well, I’m not a very good dancer” all of a sudden, I started getting accolades. I started having people say, “Man, you’re pretty good at dancing, man.” And so if you’re going to do affirmations, I would do that. Another thing that would be helpful, because it’s hard to coach past this. Because it’s kind of like, let’s solve this, then coach you from there, because it’s a different coaching.
When you have to change this kind of thing, it definitely goes in steps. So if Hoverson had told me, “Yes, start saying you’re creative and then do this,” I wouldn’t have been able to process, because I wasn’t out of not being creative yet. you see what I mean?
Gregory Elam: Yes.
Ray Higdon: So it doesn’t make as much sense for me to say, “Hey, here’s all this things you should do,” right? It needs to be like, “Let’s get past this thing. Once we’re past that, then the next level opens up.” And so in the past, I struggled with visualizing. I struggled with feeling the emotions of success. It’s getting better and better. I’m so grateful. It’s getting better and better. That sort of thing will be helpful. You’re going to chip away at that reality. Now, I’m going to give you something that a mentor gave me.
And unless I’m in a weird situation, I do it almost every night, and I’ve never shared this publicly. And I feel this and I do often struggle with generating emotions, generating feelings. See, I shouldn’t even say that. Right? See, I need to take my own medicine. I need to take my own medicine. But when I do it this way, I definitely feel it. And it may sound a little weird, but I think for your personality type and for many, like me, who, I have more of my life, I beat myself up than not. Right?
So it’s only been in the past few years that I’ve learned to not beat myself up so much, and I’ve gotten better and better at that, and living more into memories of my future, than memories of the past. And so, five Fs. So you may want to write this down.
Kimberly Elam: I’m on it.
Ray Higdon: Five Fs. Okay? And there’s no particular order, right? You can order them. It doesn’t matter. But it does matter that you do all five. Okay? Faith. And what I specifically mean by that is faith in yourself, faith in who you are becoming, who you are, right? And then I’m going to give you, because there’s a dichotomy here. There’s a dichotomy. So faith, family, finance, fitness, fun.
And so I don’t know. I was going to try to demonstrate it for you. All right, hold on one second. Let me see if I can demonstrate this for you.
All right. Bear with me here. I’m trying to set up a scenario. Does this sound crazy over there or what? All right. So let’s see if I can make this work.
Okay. You can see me, right?
Gregory Elam: Yes.
Kimberly Elam: Yep. We’re set.
Ray Higdon: Okay. All right. All right. So you’re going to remember the five Fs. No particular order, but faith, family, finances, fitness, and fun. Okay? And so you start, so you’re standing, and you close your eyes, and just to give him a shout out, this was taught to me by one of my mentors, Satyen Raja. Satyen Raja.
And so you start, close your eyes, and you’re going to slowly move yourself counterclockwise. Now I’ve never done this and not felt something. I mean, every time I do this, and I do it almost every night. I did miss one night, because, whatever, we were in the hotel and I just didn’t do it. But start eyes closed. And so the way that I keep track of it, because it’s very important that you do all five, but you’re doing all five two times. Let me share. And this is where I think your personality will really pick up on this. Mine definitely did. So we’re going to go counterclockwise with our eyes closed and we’re going to count down the five Fs of all we don’t want.
Then we’re going to change direction and go clockwise with the ultimate of what we want. And we’re saying these… You’ll see. So I’ll do a short demonstration. I won’t do my full thing, but I probably take two minutes. I mean, this isn’t a long thing. All right? So I’m going to start with faith. I’m going to say what I don’t want around faith. Right? So I normally say it in my head. I’m going to say it out loud for your benefits. So faith, and I’m going to put up one. Right? So in this hand, in my right hand, I want to keep track, because I want to make sure I do all five both ways. I don’t want to do four and then forget the last one. So, faith. What I don’t want. All right? So I am disconnected. I am powerless. I’m unable to manifest anything.
I have no power. I’m unable to help others. Now I’m going to move into family. My relationship with my family is not great. My kids don’t want to be around me. They don’t want to listen to me. I’m not a great dad. I’m not a great husband. I don’t serve them in any kind of powerful way. Finance. I struggle to make ends meet. I struggle to live paycheck to paycheck. I don’t have enough money. It’s hard to attract money to me.
Fitness. I’m flabby. I have a weak immune system. I’m not in great shape, not healthy. Fun. I’m boring. People don’t like to be around me. No one invites me to anything and I don’t do anything adventurous. Okay? So now I’m going to turn back around and I’m going to count down all five in a powerful way. Right? And this is clockwise. I am powerful. I can manifest anything that I wish at will. I am super connected and aware. I have an unlimited ability to help others. Family. I have an incredible relationship with my wife. We are so amazingly connected and totally in love. My kids love to listen to me, and I am a great teacher and father to them.
Fitness. I have six-pack abs. I’m in perfect shape. My immune system is powerful. I am healthy beyond all scientific measures. Finance. I have tens of millions of dollars in assets and bank accounts. My companies do over $100 million a year. Money comes easily. Money flows to me through all types of mediums. People send me cryptocurrency. They PayPal me. They wire me money. Money just comes from all areas of the world. Fun. I am fun to be around. People love being around me. I make people laugh. People find me hilarious. People want to invite me to things. People love being around me, and so does my family. My friends, family, love being around me. I make friends easily and almost instantly.
Where did I go? All right. So I don’t know if you saw all that. I’m kind of wandering off. But see, I can’t do that and not feel stuff inside. I’m not crying or anything, but I can’t do that and not feel something rattling around. Now you combine this with doing that before bed and setting your subconscious on program, and you’re off to the races, man. This is you pumping success steroids into your subconscious.
And so all of the things of me going in reverse clockwise are fears and the deepest, shittiest possible things that could ever happen. Right? And so that is whatever it is that you’re most scared of, see, most people, they suppress that. I don’t want to say that. They suppress that. So by expressing that, by expressing that, but then following up with what you really want, and ending with what you really want, is extremely, extremely powerful. And so most people that affirmations don’t work for, it’s because they’re suppressing. So someone says, “Well, why say the negative ones, bro?” It will help you to cleanse, of getting that out there.
And as far as providing you a roadmap of here’s exactly how it works, I can’t do it, but I can tell you it works. And so I have the five, faith, family, finances, fitness, and fun. I think that’s a really cool one. And what I notice, since I’ve been doing this is, for example, when we were at Disney, I made a bunch of friends. I don’t normally do that. I don’t normally do that. I don’t normally talk to strangers, really. I’m like mission-focused, family. We’re doing da. Right? But I made several friends at the hotel, at Disney, and it just was really easy. It was no effort at all.
And so I think this should be your first kind of mission. This should be your first chipping away at. Now throughout the day, if you want to think about the affirmation, think about it. It’ll help. You start doing this sort of thing, you’ll see a big change. And then, so we’ll schedule a re-up or something. We’ll do a second call with you, because I want to see where we go from here, because I do think that this first step will really help you.
Gregory Elam: Sounds great.
Ray Higdon: Helpful? I know you didn’t talk much. I did all the talking.
Gregory Elam: No, we’re listening, and she’s jotting down a lot of notes here.
Kimberly Elam: Where’d my paper go? Yeah, I’ve got all kinds of good notes.
Gregory Elam: But yeah, there’s some great things. Especially, as you said, the five Fs, focusing on some of those things, because recognizing the importance of faith in yourself, the need to stay connected with the family, and the fun, especially. We think those are good. And then working on that fitness issue, that’s a whole nother ball to work with.
Ray Higdon: Yeah. And that can be whatever you want. None of mine have to be any of yours. I just gave you some of my examples. But it’s like why not say things like how powerful your immune system is, et cetera? So check that out. And I know a few people watching may do it as well. You just have to make sure, if you’re going to do it, you got to do it fully. Don’t just do the negatives and then go to sleep. I’m sure, I’m tired.
Gregory Elam: Yeah, exactly.
Ray Higdon: Well, keep us in the loop. Any other questions?
Gregory Elam: Not at the moment. I mean, like you said, you got to do the first things first before you could be open to more. And that’s definitely something to be working on starting today and see ourselves growing as we continue.
Ray Higdon: Yeah. And just be super mindful of that language. Like I saw in our TikTok challenge, there was a lady that posted, “Hey, from reading everyone’s comments, I feel like I’m doing something wrong.” Well, she found what she sought, right? So she went out of her way to spend time to find reasons why she should feel bad about her results, so she found them. And so you just want to always be aware of whatever you’re speaking, and that’s the first level. That’s the first level. Emotions is the next level. A little bit trickier. A little bit trickier. But speaking, that is one we can kick in ass the pretty quick. And so you just want to be mindful of everything that you speak, you get to keep. Everything that you’re speaking, that means, “And that’s what I want.”
So if you ended every statement with, “And that’s what I want.” Right? So I really struggle with visualizing, and that’s what I want. Right? I really struggle to attract money to me, and that’s what I want. And so if we end every statement we ever say with, “And that’s what I want,” then we would make better statements. And so be mindful of that speech, do that exercise, and let’s see how things change for you.
Gregory Elam: Sounds great.
Ray Higdon: Awesome. All right.
Kimberly Elam: Thank you [crosstalk].
Ray Higdon: Kimberly and Greg, everybody. I’m sorry. What’d you say, Kimberly?
Kimberly Elam: I’m sorry. No, thank you so much. It’s been sort of an interesting little bit here, because he had a very successful career, but yet to step out of that and now he’s with me doing this almost daily, it’s can’t really see it, don’t know where we’re really going. Even though we’ve had some of the incentive trips and we’re at the top of our company with sales and doing pretty good with leadership as well, but he’s having a little bit harder time here to be able to visualize and be able to move forward. So, appreciate all that you shared.
Ray Higdon: Yeah. So a lot of times when someone has had a successful career working for someone else… Were you working for someone else?
Gregory Elam: Yes.
Ray Higdon: A lot of times when someone has had a successful career working for somebody else and struggles when on their own, is some inner self-talk, some inner selfworth, because you think they’re one and the same, and they’re not. Because one, in a job, you’re putting your faith in systems that are other people, am I right?
Kimberly Elam: Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Ray Higdon: Right. So I’m not fully responsible, I just have to do this thing, and then the rest will take care of it. That’s much easier to believe in than I have to do everything. And so I think, actually, this exercise will help you with that too, but we’ll probably have to get there. We’ll probably have to see how this goes. So I would do this for a couple weeks and then let’s see.
Gregory Elam: Sounds good.
Kimberly Elam: Very good. Thank you so much.
Ray Higdon: All right, guys. Well, rock and roll. And you’re in Inner Circle, right?
Kimberly Elam: Yes.
Gregory Elam: Yes we are.
Ray Higdon: Okay. And is it coach Jenny or who is it?
Kimberly Elam: Yes, we’ve got yeah, coach Jenny. She’s been awesome.
Ray Higdon: Awesome. Very, very cool.
Kimberly Elam: Appreciate everything.
Ray Higdon: All right. Well she’ll keep me in the loop on you guys and then we’ll reconvene in a little bit.
Kimberly Elam: Well, thank you. I mean, being part of Inner Circle and all that you’ve poured into them, oh my goodness. I mean it’s made day and night difference, not just in business, but in our personal life as well, so just want to thank you for everything and thanks for having us on today.
Ray Higdon: Very cool. You got it, guys.
Gregory Elam: Really appreciate it. Thank you.
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