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My note to my Dad after seeing him for the 1st time in 13 years

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If you didn’t catch it, a few months ago I attended the landmark forum which is a seminar that empowers you in so many different ways but made me realize that I wanted a relationship with my Dad that I hadn’t seen in 13 years and he had never met my two boys (ages 9 and 11). Well, we went up there this past weekend and it was awesome. I have simply created a whole new life by taking action and making it happen and am so happy I did. This morning I wrote him a note about our experiences. Some people may wonder why would I share such an intimate moment on the Internet? Well, because I know my situation is not unique. I know some eyes that may read this are the eyes of someone who also hasn’t made the move to have a relationship with a family member that they wish were in their lives. We all have justifications on why we don’t have a relationship, we can all get buyin from people we talk to on why NOT to have a relationship with someone, but, those are the things that go on and then those people die and then we have lost that chance. I hope these words encourage you to make that move you have been neglecting as I did for 13 years. Namaste!

Dad,
Thank you for having me and my kids come into your life and thanks for all the time you spent with us. If we don’t give up our past we are just doomed to live our lives now according to things that happened long ago versus living in the present and creating new possibilities with the moments that are with us now. Forgiveness is giving up on the idea that the past could have been any different and I am glad I learned that and at an age where I still had the opportunity to create a new life with you and the family up north that this weekend reminded me I missed so much. Thank you for being open to a new relationship with me and my boys. They had a blast up there and twice on the way back Ethan said he missed his Grandpa Ray. You are a great man and one I am proud to call my father. I am sorry it took this long to reach out to you and the family but happy that it happened without it taking someone dying. For anyone to regret any part of their past is to witness a lack or limitation in their current self and all the things that I have gone through have made me who I am and I love myself! I am happy with my life and the choices I make everyday and I thank you for all you have done and am so excited to a new chapter in my life with you and the family up North included in it. Keep in touch and perhaps you want to practice Wii baseball some more in our absence so Ethan doesn’t embarrass you again!

Love you, your son,
Ray

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Ray Higdon’s Network Marketing Blog
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  1. Dude, This is the best story I have had the pleasure of reading in a long time. I am so excited for you and your family. Great picture!
    Love you man! Brian

  2. That’s so awesome Ray! Forgiveness is a sweet thing, isn’t it? Glad you were able to reconnect and have things go so smoothly. You’re an inspiration to me, my friend!! Keep up the awesome work on you!!
    Love you, Carol

  3. Really awesome! I’m very pleased for you and your sons that you reconnected. Glad you made that opportunity happen. My parents are both gone after long lives and I was able to spend a lot of valuable time with them(and my brother)in their last years during which we became much closer. I feel blessed for having had that experience.

  5. Hey Ray,
    Thanks for stepping out and taking a risk! God is good and your life is a testimony that we can all strive to love unconditionally. Thanks too for sharing your story and encouraging people to step out, forgive and make the most of the moments we have! God bless,
    Debra 🙂

  6. Way to go Ray!
    Thanks for sharing your experience! I’m so happy and excited that you have created a whole new future for yourself & your boys!!
    Very awesome!!! best, Jennifer

  7. Ray, this is a testament that without God’s love and laws, our lives would never reach the point of happiness. It is not about money and material posessions, even if they make our lives more comfortable. A meaningful life only comes about when we face our fears, conquer love and have compassion for all creatures in this world, including our own. You have demonstrated a certain maturity that still lacks in so many people. People, take note and start living a life of forgiveness, and above all, be humble.
    Marie K.

  8. Wow Ray … Of what I do know of u. Expect the unexpected! And I love it. I am excited about the next time ur kids play Wii with their grandpa. keep on keeping on!!!!!

  9. Ray, I applaud you for your much needed reunion with your father and your son’s grandpa. The world revolves around kindness and compassion towards others especially with our families. I always tell my daughters friends that I expect respect from them towards my daughters that is the lesson I recieved from my father and I expect it for them. My father has been passed for almost 7 years now and believe me there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t miss him emensly, thank God for all the memories. We had a great relationship and I can only hope that your relationship with your dad and your sons grand pa will be filled with endless joy’s and happiness!!!
    Tom L.

  10. I’m so happy for you, your Dad and your sons. Time goes way too quickly. The past is done and you can’t do re-wind. Tomorrow may never come. All you have is today!

  11. Dude that´s awesome!
    I once tracked down someone´s paternal dad for her.
    I found him in Illinois.
    When I called him and asked him if he had ever had a daughter.
    He said yes, and Ï often think about that little girl¨.
    I had a conference call when I put the two of them together, and it was very emotional.
    She too took her kids and her husband up to Illinois to meet him and met her half sister.
    WO! that was cool.
    Glad to see you are doing wel.

  12. Dear Ray-After 28 years of no contact with my Dad, he had never met my 3 beautiful children, when he approached his 70th birthday, I had this yearning to forgive,forget,reconnect. I consulted my 12 year old boy at the time, as it involved my kids too. I’ll never forget his sage advice about a potential reunion at a birthday party- “Well Mom, first- He is your father, and you only have one. Second- What’s the worst that can happen? ” That was 10 years ago, and I got a new “half” sister out of the deal – my FAVORITE sister!! Really, it was the best thing I ever did.

    Congratulations on discovering one of the main reasons for living! And blessings to your wonderful family- forever!

  13. Ray:

    Congrats on your 1st step to your new life with your Dad. I couldn’t think of how my life would be without my Mom or Dad in my life. And how my son would miss out on the other half of his lineage.

    It is funny how life always manages to come full circle! Just remember to say “I love you” every chance you can get.

    Bob Burns

  15. This is truly a great real story – Its great when someone takes the courage to reach out and find what is true, real and wonderful. My husband experienced it in reaching out to his real mum and dad – you can’t erase the past or its reasons but you can certainly change the future and be truly blessed by it!!

  16. Dear Ray, I recently became a follower of yours, in which seems to be one of the best moves I have made…Not only for your wisdom, but for your life motivation, which actually gives me motivation to move on in life. Our stories are somewhat similar…(in a way)only the beginning.For the fact I have not yet, met my biological parents. After reading your story, I really do understand why my life is the way it is, from childhood, never realized “WHY”? Thank you for enlightening myself, so that I could move on in life, maybe with a different aspect, You and your family have a Wonderful Thanksgiving!!! and God Bless!!!!-Renee

  17. Well thanks Boss, sorry RAY, for making me cry. One thing I have learned in life IS to let go, although it can be difficult, it is mandatory in order to move on no matter what the situation is or was. Embrace this new chapter in your Life and run with it 😉

    Di~

  19. Dear Ray, What a great and thoughtful message to share with everyone.
    This experience is priceless and it demonstrates that you are living a life with integrity and compassion. To have your two sons be a part of this is a treasure. So pleased that we have a mutual bond in business and look forward to meeting you. You give so much of yourself for the betterment of others. Peace

  20. Hi Ray, Just heard you on Larry’s call and looked you up. I really appreciated you sharing about Landmark on the call and here- I am also a Landmark graduate. It is always cool to meet other Landmark people. You’re a great role model too – I’ll be looking out for the opportunity to listen in to you again and bring others along with me.

    Christine

  21. Hey Ray – I have almost the same scenario. I just can’t do it. Maybe one day. Glad you found the courage.

  22. Ray this is fantastic that you took action with your Father. Now hearts will mend. I look forward to connecting with you. There are so many people here to help you mend.
    Karen

  23. What a great story. I know, for the most part, that most of really do have some closures to take action on and it shouldn’t involve any person leaving this earth.

    Thanks for sharing this with the world.

    Smiles from Guam,
    Jaclyn Castro

  24. Hi Ray,

    Wow, really glad to see someone be able to do
    something that is so hard for others.

    I have seen you around the net and know a winner
    when I see one, as network marketers we are
    unique people and we do extraordinary things.
    That is why it was easier for you to do what
    you did.

    Kudos my friend,
    Tommy

  25. Hi Ray,
    simply thanks for sharing this inspiration and intimate letter with us.
    Take care
    Oliver

  26. Hi Ray, this got me teared because this is a sweet story. I wanted to say that you have the luckiest dad in the world and I am sure you know that. I wish I had a father, but he disowned me in Feb 2009 and didn’t want to do anything with me anymore since I changed my life and get back on the right track. Hang on to your dad. Cod Bless You and your family.
    -Darlene

  27. i am so happy for you . and all involved.
    may God bless you. forgiveness, love, healing.
    be blessed

  28. Wow Ray. I must say this is one of the best stories I have read from you. I am going through a mild case of this right now with my older brother and I wanted to capture it before it got worse. I’m not quite sure how to solve it since he ignores me more and more. He doesn’t completely believe in the life I’m living “networl marketing” but I surely don’t want to go back to the life I was living before with not being plugged into positive thinking.

    You’ve inspired me to write brother. I knew there was something special about you and you carry a warm heart that many leaders lack. I mean that with great sencerity. Thanks again champ.

  30. Hi Ray~ Thank you for sharing yourself so authentically with this post. What a beautiful and uplifting story about the doors that will open when we can find peace with our past, and focus instead on the possibilities available to us in the present. I am a Lifespring grad ~ similar to Landmark, and have many dear friends in the Landmark community here in the Bay Area and really around the country. Thank you again, this post has clearly been a gift to many!
    Many Blessings,
    Beth

  31. Your story is dear to my heart. Kudos to you for having enough gumption to take stance and open the door to your new existence.
    COngrats!

  32. Ray this was such an inspiring story. Forgiveness and letting go is key to moving forward. I am struggling with a similar situation and your words or encouragement and heartfelt story makes me want to take a closer look at my own situation and rich out to this person. Thanks for sharing.

  33. Dear Ray,
    Wow!! Thanks for sharing your story and connecting with your dad!!

    the Landmark Forum is Awesome, I have done it several times and each time

    you do it you peel a new layer…:)

    again thanks for sharing…can’t wait to meet you at your home with the

    super great views…:)

    love and peace
    Pat from New York…(New Numis member)

  34. The beauty of documenting your life in a blog Ray is 2 years later, I have the pleasure of reading your story. I was introduced to the Landmark Forum this past weekend and I had the pleasure of “releasing and understanding” that the answer that I have been chasing for all my life was through this education. I won’t spoil it for anyone because I think everyone deserves the right to go through it so they can better and completely understand their life.

    I wrote letters to my parents and I will share it on my blog :-). Thank you Ray for being authentic my friend. You released some rackets in your life and you wrote a letter that connected with me quite well after going through the education. I thank you.

    Cesar

  35. Wow, what an amazing letter Ray you wrote to your dad. It brought tears to my eyes because I saw my father 3 times in my entire life. In this situation I made first contact with him but he made the decision not to continue. So I admire your strength and courage to reconnect with your dad, but also to have shared it with us. Grandparents are the coolest for kids. So glad this is a happy ending for you and the kids.

  36. Ray, so happy for you 🙂
    Thanks for sharing this and all the best for the future with your family.

  37. The past is the past. Easier said than done.
    My ex-wife took off with my son at age of 5.It has been over 20 years.Years of searching he appears on Facebook. Wow! We communicate via FB.Scary part he resembles my features. His name is Neal Severance and lives in Texas. He works as a marine mechanic. I have a high mechanical aptitude,too. As the saying goes,” The apple never falls far from the tree.”

    Someday I want to make a surprise visit. I,too,will be emotional.
    I want to visit Joel Osteen while I’m in the neighborhood.
    Someday…

  68. very cool. i haven’t seen my parents for 5 years… it can be complicated… happy for you Ray.

  69. Love this post, Ray:) So inspiring and it made me feel the need to "share" this! Thanks Ray for just being so real and honest! You are so deserving in so many ways my friend! Have fun at Universal Studios!

  70. Really Powerful Ray – It must be really Cool to have a father you can respect. Have fun in Orlando, your livin the dream Bro, and you and your family deserve it!

  72. My Father passed away two weeks ago…..I am happy that you reached out to your Father…and your sons will have great memories of him. We hold onto the memories and the love.

  73. Ray , thanks for shared this , This shw me again that you are a great human been and you gave us a great example to follow, with this big step you will receive more blessings in your life , your marriage and your children, God bless you.

  74. Thank you so much for sharing your note Ray. I had the same situation with my sister and we have not spoken for over 17 years since my Dad passed away. I have the opportunity to see her at the end of this month. I am going to welcome her with open arms and forgive all the past. “I like myself!” and maybe she just needs to “like herself too!”

    Thanks again Ray! You not only lead us in our business – but in our lives!!!! That is the true definition of a LEADER!!!!

    LOL

  75. Well done Ray. Family matters for you and for all of us. Thanks for sharing your lovely story.

  77. Ray,
    I remember reading this last year and it’s just as inspiring today. Beautiful letter, beautiful family, and I’m so happy for you and your renewed relationship with your father. Happy Father’s Day!

  78. Happy Father’s Day, Ray! I had the honor of having a wonderful Dad…the kind other’s wished was theirs….and I miss him very much. Thanks for sharing again about your relationship with your own Dad. I know it speaks volumes to many.
    Did you ever receive the CD I sent with the song “At The Setting Of The Sun”? It took me awhile to get one because they were out of stock. Hope it was a blessing.
    Again, I appreciate your selfless giving to so many, including me. Jo

  79. Ray…I read it then and again today…a real blessing to know how good it feels to heal thru love…you exemplify love…Thanks for never dropping me off your list! H F-D Ray!

  92. My father is no longer with us,but i went through something similar and i was able to also reach out and we fix our relationship.ray i think its awesome yall were able to fixe things.happy fathers day

  93. That’s what makes you such a real leader Ray, because of the way you share and show everyone what you’re really made of.
    I have a similar situation. My son refuses to talk to me and doesn’t want anything to do with me.
    I don’t know why or where this all came from, and I’ve racked my brain over what could have happened. If we can’t talk it over, the relationship just stays stagnant and will never move beyond that point.
    Your story is a real inspiration to me and others who maybe going through a similar situation.
    Thank you for sharing.
    God bless
    Brian

  94. Great stuff, Ray. I had a similar experience with my own Father. We both hit the “reset button” some time ago, and our relationship has been so much better for it

    Kevin

  95. Thank you Ray . Your sons are fortunate to have a father that has the ability to teach them by a fine example of love and compassion. I shared on Facebook with the hopes one of my sons will see it

  96. Ray,

    You are so right about forgiveness…so glad you got an important part of your family back…

  97. Congratulations on your reconnection. My own Dad passed away when I was only 6 years old. To this day his love is in my heart but I miss him in my life. They say life is a chess game and on one side of the table sits time and you are on the other side. Time always wins. Wonderful message this Fathers Day.

  98. Thanks for sharing Ray! It brought tears to my eyes. I am so happy to know you have revived your relationship with your dad! So important to have a good relationship with our parents if we want to succeed and accomplish anything in life without dysfunctional emotions interfering. Reminds me of my own journey over the last few months. Happy Father’s Day!

  99. This very emotional for me Ray. My eyes watered, thinking of my dad who passed away 22 years ago. I was alway my daddy’s baby and the lessons he taught me just by being himself is incredible.

    Thanks for sharing this & as you said I am sure this will help many who are in similar situation.

    Happy Fathers day 🙂

    Damayanthi

  100. Ray: Over the last year that I have followed not only your career as well as your advice, it is no wonder that you are taken over the world by storm. It is a real testament to how far a truly caring heart and a mind of service can take your business. It is such a good thing to man up and reconnect with your dad. I lost my father about 11 years ago and I still think about him everyday. It's no wonder your such a good son and an even better father. Fortmyersbob.

  101. thanx for the sharing of the heart..not many people have the courage to share what they really think some time.. I had a great dad..who is no longer with us..

  102. Hi Ray
    Yes I can relate to your experience, I have a brother who does not actually like me We have had words. I dreaded the time when my mother passed away I knew I had to come face to face with him. And you know it went fine so maybe there is a chance for us

  103. Hey, Ray, It is the first time that I am reading something that is so personal about your life. Letting go of the past and accepting life as it is frees us from past restraints! You are sharing so much to help others! I appreciate you 🙂

  104. Awesome Ray, your story rings true to me as I haven't seen my dad until last year since I was 16 it's good to move forward with your life and start creating new and happy memories and looking into the future, glad you had a great time and your sons look happy too which is the biggest bonus of all 🙂

    Mike

  105. Hi Ray,

    I appreciate your sharing this beautiful reunion story!

    Too many people have trapped themselves in past events! Your sharing from the heart would certainly bring about more beautiful lives for many others! Let go, forgive and be free!

    I attended Dr. John Demartini’s “Breakthrough Experience” many years ago. I can honestly say that letting go of the past and having gratitude in WHATEVER that happened to us is powerful!

    Keep up your great work, Ray 🙂

    Viola Tam

  106. Ray this is very touching. Congratulations on making that connection with your father. Most men these days wouldn't man up as you have and actually share that with the world. I commend you for that.

  107. Ray, your story is very touching. It reminds me that I have not been in touch with my mom for the past two months now. It's time to give her a tinker. Life is short. We need to live life to the fullest with our love ones and friends too.

  108. Great post Ray! Although I know the story (thank you again for sharing it) this really helps to understand the emotion and freedom that Forgiveness has given to you AND your family. To me, that’s what a Dad is all about – doing whatever it takes to move their family forward to happiness and success.

    Bravo Ray!
    John

    PS – Looking forward to seeing you and Jess in Orlando…

  109. Nice work Ray.This is a true testament to your leadership as it required being humble and “FEARLESS”. I went through a similar situation with my father years ago and so glad I did as it allowed me to face other fears and achieve more than I could have ever imagined. Thank you for being real.
    ~ Coach Curtis

  110. that's pretty effing awesome man… Damn, THIS is what life is all about. thx for sharing buddy. landmark is a pretty incredible weekend… life's just too short to hold on to any bs! You the man Ray!

  111. Ray, glad you have the chance to be with your dad again, and especially for your sons. Forgiveness is key in life. My dad is 80+ and we still have a close relationship. I’m very lucky…

    James

  112. As humans we all make good and bad choices.

    How important is that “conflict” you have with your relative?
    Is it worth never speaking to them again?
    Or do you just have too much pride?

    Open your eyes and truly think about the consequences of your actions and hopefully you’ll come to a decision that you can be proud of.

    Peace be the journey.

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