I want to share something personal with you today – a recent spiritual awakening that has completely transformed my life. It’s going to take a moment to get there, but I promise, this story has a purpose and contains powerful lessons that might resonate with your own journey.
A Series of Divine Interventions: Recognizing God’s Voice
About a month and a half ago, my wife Jess spoke at an event in Nashville for Kimberly Olson, one of my former clients. While there, she met a gentleman she thought would be a valuable connection for me. We connected on Zoom about a month ago, and within the first five minutes, he said something that caught me off guard: “I see a very big vision for you around God.”
At the time, I was more spiritual than religious. Sure, I believed in God and Jesus, but I didn’t attend church regularly or talk about faith. I was more focused on manifestation and universal energies than a personal relationship with God.
This gentleman told me my influence would grow beyond anything I could imagine, that I’d be impacting people worldwide in ways I couldn’t yet comprehend. I listened, somewhat skeptically, and moved on.
The very next day, a local man I recognized but didn’t know approached me saying, “I have a vision for you.” Turns out, he was a pastor. He shared similar sentiments, telling me I was approaching a fork in the road and had a calling.
Then, a long-time friend reached out saying, “God has been telling me to contact you every single day.” Shortly after, my good friend Coach Jenny shared that God had been similarly prompting her to reach out to me for quite some time.
I initially brushed these experiences aside. I had an event coming up with people attending from all over the world. I needed to focus. After the event and finishing another project, I finally met with the gentleman Jess had introduced me to. We spent half a day studying the Word and discussing the Holy Spirit – some concepts I understood, others I didn’t.
The Dark Before the Dawn: Confronting Spiritual Battles
Here’s where things get interesting. For nearly a year, I’d been experiencing what I can only describe as spiritual attacks. I suffered from recurring nightmares that always aimed to create division between my wife and me. I’d wake up believing these lies and feeling deeply disturbed.
Meanwhile, our three-year-old son was having severe coughing fits every night. Despite trying everything from diffusers to running hot showers, nothing helped. He was diagnosed as pre-asthmatic, though there’s no history of asthma in either of our families.
Last Monday, my new friends Yaya and Prophet Perry came to our home. They anointed our house – a concept I don’t fully comprehend yet – to guard against dark forces. That night, something remarkable happened. My son, who always calls for his mother, called for me instead. When I went to his room, he looked around anxiously saying, “No sun.” I asked if he usually saw something in his room that was now gone, and he confirmed it. That night, he didn’t cough once – and hasn’t coughed since.
I also noticed changes in myself. After being baptized in the Holy Spirit (something I’m still learning about), I woke up feeling like I had different DNA. The fears, worries, and stresses that once plagued me were gone. I felt different – transformed.
My Apology: Finding Trust Despite Past Wounds
Yesterday, I realized something needed to be addressed. There was chaos in our business and areas of our life that were mysteriously out of alignment. I wrote down several statements, trying to identify the root cause. The final statement I wrote was: “I trust my father in heaven.” The moment I wrote it, I knew it was the answer.
So here’s my apology: I apologized to God for not trusting Him despite overwhelming evidence that He’s been looking out for me my entire life. Because of my lack of trust and faith, He’s been gathering resources and guides to help me find my way.
Twice in my life, I attempted suicide – once taking four boxes of sleeping pills with whiskey, and later throwing a plugged-in toaster into my bathtub. Yet here I am. God preserved me for a purpose.
My friend Yaya explained that I’ve had an “orphan spirit” – someone without a strong father figure to help establish identity. I’ve been searching for identity, plugging into different things, trying to find where I belong. Now I realize I’ve been looking for my heavenly Father all along.
Key Lessons From My Journey
Looking back at this transformation, I want to share some powerful lessons that might help you on your own path:
- Recognize the signs – Notice when multiple people independently bring the same message into your life. These synchronicities aren’t coincidences; they’re often divine guidance.
- Acknowledge spiritual warfare – The nightmares, physical ailments, and unexplained obstacles in my life weren’t random. Sometimes what we label as “bad luck” or “negative energy” has deeper spiritual roots.
- Trust over understanding – I didn’t need to fully understand everything about baptism in the Holy Spirit or anointing to experience their effects. Sometimes transformation comes before comprehension.
- Meditation as preparation – Contrary to what some believe, my meditation practice actually prepared me for this spiritual awakening. It helped clear away trauma, fear, and anxiety that blocked my connection to God.
- The orphan spirit – Many of us without strong father figures spend our lives searching for identity in achievements, relationships, or spiritual practices. This search is often really about finding our heavenly Father.
Moving Forward
I don’t know exactly what this means for my content and training moving forward. I’m not sure if I’m meant to be a prophet, evangelist, teacher, or something else entirely. But I do know my mission now is to bring glory to God and help those who are searching – those who have tried a million things trying to find their home, their father, their sense of belonging.
I’m grateful to be home. Grateful to have a Father I can trust – a good teacher, guide, and protector. And I’m committed to walking this new path, wherever it leads.
Thank you for taking the time to read this deeply personal story. I know it might be unexpected, and not everyone will understand or agree. That’s okay – I’ll never judge you. But for those with eyes to see and ears to hear, I’m here to help in whatever way I can. If any part of this resonates with you, perhaps you too are being called home.
Ray Higdon
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