Your Mindset Impacts Your Business
Your mindset impacts your business in every way. If you’re not aware of just a base level of your patterns and your programming, then you’re kind of the helpless passenger.
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More On The Center Of The Maze
Ray: Now, did you have a traumatic incident so that you can link to it and justify it or did it just come out of nowhere?
Speaker 1: You know, I used to work in the yachting industry as crew and I did fall in the engine room one time, to some metal flooring and screwed up my back and my knee and my ankle in the whole nine yards. I think, that’s the only thing that I can really relate it to other than just baby core shoes when I was growing up, because there was more and I played soccer and was in cheerleading and things like that.
Speaker 1: But my mom passed away in August.
Ray: I’m sorry to hear that.
Speaker 1: Thank you. It was suddenly unexpected. Shortly after that, man, I had some extreme pain, some extreme pain in my like SI joints and just in my hips and in my knee. It was just like it came out of nowhere. I was like, “Man, maybe it’s just because of that ball and I didn’t heal correctly or maybe I’m not taking care of my body the way that I should, or I haven’t been exercising as much as I should.”
I’m with you. I think that it’s a lot of it is emotional. Working through, this does not serve me. I went to physical therapy was like doing all the things like that you were talking about. I was like, “Wow, totally hit home with me today on so many aspects.” With doing all those things that my physical therapist was like giving me like motivational things and things to think about. He said to me, when I went in there one day, he said, “This is really affecting you, the loss of your mother.” So many other things were going on in my life. I was like, “Yeah.”
It was interesting because the end of the year, my physical therapy ended. Shortly thereafter, after I walked through that season with them and the exercises and doing all the things and, and the things that he was giving me, my pain went away. It was like a light switch, like you said. It was the craziest thing. Now, we’re nearly six months into the year and no pain there and feeling great. But then last night I started to have knee pain in one of my knees. I was like, “Okay, like what did I do?”
Well, I started prospecting and doing something that I felt uncomfortable with. Then this leads back to the whole like trying to find the center of my maze and where this resistance is. My question today is, is that if you could give a tip because I know you paid a lot of money to get to the center of your maze, and you’re doing a lot of amazing things to work through some of the things in your past.
Speaker 1: I valued you so much before that, but that just like pushed me over the top. I was just like, “Man. Wow.” So thank you for all that you do to serve your community again. But if you could give one tip or walk through, how would you give somebody a tip in trying to walk out and figure out what the center of their maze is and how to get to the ground of that or the center of that so that they can walk out the limits, beliefs or the things that keeps showing up in their life?
Ray: Sure. One, if we know that it’s a protection pattern, first I would… Let me think about this because it’s such a specific location to actually get to the root. I’ve heard arguments that you don’t need to like I’ve heard, when I’m critical of a trainer, I don’t like to call them out but I’ve seen trainers that have been around that. They’re like, “You don’t need to figure out your past, just focus on your future. Where you are going.” I can’t speak for everyone, but for me, it was very, very beneficial to figure out what happened like what got me here. One is, if you understand that it’s protection related, it is not something that ever happens. It’s something could happen, the death of somebody, right?
Something could happen, but that I don’t believe. Again, I am not the expert. I’m just sharing what I’ve learned over the years, by investing a lot of money and time into this stuff. Something could happen to trigger something, but it’s not the thing that happened. It’s the conclusion of where you have to go because of what happened. The pattern, the protection pattern is always you’re going into a territory that doesn’t feel safe.
For me, the most important, like step one is where’s the pattern. My first kind of layer, I would say, there’s been three. It took me three layers to get to the center. Layer one, I got help through Landmark. Landmark Forum helped me understand by looking at my patterns that I had a programming, they call it, your act. Your act is a statement.
It’s not always a command. I’m trying to think. Could it be a question? No, it’s not a question. It’s a statement. It’s a statement that was generated when you were younger, right? Usually, between five to eight or something like that, but it could be later. It could be a little bit earlier. My statement was, I’ll show you that was the first layer to get toward the center. How did I figure that out? Well, Landmark helped, but they helped me understand a pattern. How far do I want to go back here?
I’ve had that defiance of, “If you doubt me, you’re fueling me.” But the problem with that is if you don’t recognize it, you require it. I remember, I’ll just go back to 19. When I was 19 years old, I was working at GNC and selling vitamins and stuff. When I applied there, they had a full-time position. I applied for the full-time position and they may say in the interview, they’re like, “You know, we’re not sure that you’re going to be able to cut what we’re looking for sales wise. We’re going to hire you part time and let’s just see how it works out.” I mean, that’s the perfect thing to say to someone like me because, “MNF, or I’m going to show you.” I broke every record they ever had.
I went in there, I sold a mountain. If someone comes in for a candy bar, they’re getting B vitamins, they’re getting [inaudible], they’re getting glucosomine, contortin and they’re getting vitamin E, they’re getting Mega Men, they’re getting weigh protein. They’re getting, “Hey, how’s your eyeballs? Get some bilberries some, Eyebright.” They’re getting everything in the planet. They like watched in amazement as I crushed every they ever had.
Then I went to a full-time then assistant manager, then store manager. I decide at 19 that I want to learn computers. I went, I climbed the rank. I was recognized nationally. They had magazine that came out and were like, “Holy shit, look at the store average.” Right? I climb, I climb the ranks. Then I was talking to one of my buddies who was a computer nerd.
I went to him, I’m like, “Man, I’d really like to learn how to use the computer.” Because I didn’t know how to use a computer at 19. I’d never done anything with it, with a computer. Everyone was telling me, “Get on computers, man. That’s the future.” I know millennials on here are like, “Whoa, how old is this dude?” Right? I go to my friend and I say, “Hey man, could you teach me computers? Because I don’t know anything about them. I’m sure I need to learn more.” He helps me, I buy a computer off him and he’s like, “All right, left click that.” I’m like, “What?” He’s like, “Left-click.” I’m like, “What are you saying? What do you mean? Is that a button? Like what do you mean?” He’s like, “Whoa, you could never do computers, dude.”
Ding. That’s what I need to hear, man. I left GNC. I went to work for Sony and their IT customer support. When they learned of my lack of knowledge about computers, they’re like, how are you going to support computers? Like you don’t know anything. I’m like, “Oh no, I can do it. I’m learning. And this. And that.” What did they do? They doubted me. In 90 days I got the highest review they had ever given a 90-day employee because I just comprehended their blueprint. I studied the blueprint, I nailed the blueprint. In 90 days my manager said, “Dude, I’ve like I asked the other managers. This is the highest review anyone in 90 days has ever received in the history of this building.”
Notice something else is happening in GNC. I had arrived. People no longer doubted me at Sony, three months in get the highest review ever because they doubted me. Fourth month, I left. Because I had nothing to prove. I had proven it. In my head, I was no longer doubted. I proved it. Right? I go into, yada, yada, yada, I go.
Now my computer nerd friend sent me on a seven-year journey where I ended at Redmond in Washington, applying for SQL server team for Microsoft. I come up with this realization that I really don’t even like computers. Why am I doing this? Like I used to like sales and stuff. I miss my GNC days, like selling stuff. Like I like that stuff. I don’t even like computers. Why have I been doing this for seven years?
Because I was on autopilot with no realization with no awareness. Here’s how you’ll see this played out in network marketing happens all the time, is someone will be doubted until they’ll go and they’ll prove you wrong. They’ll prove their spouse wrong. They’ll prove their friends wrong. They’ll prove their neighbors wrong, their Facebook people wrong. They’ll get to a high level. Then the doubt is no longer there so they seek it.
One day this is going to place a scalpel and do a slight frontal lobotomy on a lot of top earners right now. But here it is, if they’re on here, this is going to mess you up because you don’t understand how much I understand you. The person that seeks doubt, they always locate because we find what we seek, right? The thinker thinks, the prover proves. You find what you seek, you get to it. That’s just how it works.
That person that was doubted, that goes and gets six figures, seven figures, whatever. No, one’s doubting them anymore and they crave it, man. It’s a chemical that people like me need, unless we’re aware of it, that awareness allows us to get off the addiction. They’re seeking doubt. Then one day at a network marketing event, one of the company execs will say something to them and it may not be on purpose. It may not be even what they meant, but they’ll say something like, “Yeah, man, you really came in at the right time.”
They’ll think, “What? Are you saying I couldn’t rebuild this? Are you saying I got lucky? I’ll show you.” They’ll go to a different company. They’ll bash the old company for reasons that make no sense, for things that they completely made up and they will go and crush it in that company until someone doubts them.
Then they’ll go to the next one. They will seek it. If you’re not aware of just a base level of your patterns and your programming, then you’re kind of the helpless passenger. You’re just like, what’s that movie is that i-Robot where you just kind of sit in the car and it drives you to places and then you’re allowed to get out, right? You’re a passenger because you’re on autopilot. I was a passenger on autopilot. I’ll show you, I require doubt.
With awareness, and I’ll tell you about when I became the number one income earner in the company, I started doing my thing. I started looking at, “Hey, people kind of believe in me now. This sucks. Huh? Oh, you think I can do it now? Huh? That sucks. I wonder what people think I can’t do.” I almost about maybe a year into being the top earner of that and I sabotage it. I’m going to tell you something I don’t think I’ve ever shared before, but I was starting to sabotage myself. I don’t think I’ve ever shared this before. On the month that I earned the BMW 7 Series, I got a reckless driving ticket and my license was suspended.
Speaker 1: Oh, man.
Ray: That is someone screaming the sabotage. My subconscious is screaming for me to screw things up because that was my identity. I’m someone that had all the potential, but always screwed things up. That base level, that me being aware of, “Oh, I seeked it out. I no longer have to seek it out.” It’s still powerful, I can still tap into it. I do, in a weird masochistic way, love being doubted. I still love it to this day, but I don’t require it. I don’t need it. Someone telling me that I can’t do something is so delicious to me. Right? I just, savor it. I love it, but I don’t require it, which is the key. Okay? The second level, is this helpful so far? Am I off base with your question?
Speaker 1: No, you’re going great. Thank you.
Ray: Second level happened two years ago, a year and a half ago, maybe. I think a year and a half ago. It’s where, I won’t go into full details, but basic basically I with help. Okay? Notice I had help. Landmark Forum helped me. I think it’s landmarkeducation.com for those who haven’t heard it. I don’t get a toaster if you sign up, but I’ve probably had 300 people go through it. I will give them some criticism because hopefully they hear it and do something about it. They have gotten a lot softer. They used to be a lot tougher. They used to be a real, I mean, they were tough on me. They were tough, man. I reset it and it was very, current soft.
Anyway, so the second time I had help, again, there was a personality trait and I described this in rule number two of time, money, freedom, and called pluck your weeds. The second layer for me was I had help again, my good friend, Elliot Rowe, who is a hypnotist, he’s a performance coach. He coaches a lot of UFC fighters, coaches a lot of world series of poker players. He helped me remember something that I had suppressed.
That is, I had shared a lot of my abuse stories with a guidance counselor in third grade. She went on to tell my parents everything I ever told her because she thought I was saying it for attention. That was a bad day. That was a very bad day that I thought I had pain prior to that day. I had not had pain prior to that day, bad day.
That was the day I stopped trusting anybody. Since the third grade, I’ve kept everyone and I don’t care if you’re a client, I mean, I have probably 10 clients that have paid me over $150,000, doesn’t matter. Even them, I would not let in, I would not let them in on my personal stuff. Now I may speak to them and help them with their personal stuff. They ain’t hearing my personal stuff. Wouldn’t let them in. I’ve weirdly created this mechanism of I’m able to share on video, I’m able to share from stage personal stuff, but one-on-one? That’s too close for comfort. That’s too dangerous so I don’t do it. I push people away. I share, I talked a little bit about this last night. You may have heard it.
I realized that all of my social anxiety was not because I have the personality trait of introvert. It’s because I’m protecting myself. If I keep everyone at arms length, they can’t hurt me. Like I was in the past. That awareness allowed me to alter how I function socially and so I used to be the guy constantly asking my wife, “Do we have to go to this party? Seriously? We just saw him like a month ago. Like, do we have to go there? Hey, can we leave? You know, we’ve been here 30 minutes, 20 minutes. Can we leave? Can we just go?” Right?
That used to be me. I was constantly trying to talk my social party animal wife, out of being social. Or I would say, “Let’s do girl’s night. Girls night, hi. I’ll stay home pretty much safe.” Awareness of that, which I had help, allowed me to change that. The center of the maze, which I’m not comfortable talking about publicly only because there are some relationships I haven’t worked this out with, allowed me to understand the full picture.
How do you get there? I do not know. I do not know. I don’t know how you get there on your own, but my best, my suggestion is one, what I have now learned they call parts therapy. Is it parts therapy? Don’t quote me on this, but I’ll tell you what it is, right? I may not have the name, right.
But it’s where you take a look at your life and you take a look at some questions that’ll help. Who hurt you is an easy one, right? Who hurt you? Who did you crave more love from? Which I know Tony Robbins loves that question. That’s a great question. Who did you wish you had more love from? Who hurt you? Who betrayed you? Who disappointed you? Who abandoned you? You asked those questions and then you become them. Again, I’m not a professional, not a specialist.
I’ve just done some of this work. You become them and you start asking yourself different questions and you decide that you’re going to ask the questions until you solve the maze. When I became my step-mom the one who abused me. Many days, I would go to school wearing a turtleneck because the claw next on my neck were so deep.
I remember. I share some of this in the book. I remember one day being sick and I’m eating oatmeal. Hated oatmeal, first of all, and I’m sick. I throw up into my oatmeal, not on purpose or maybe it was maybe it was a Freudian thing, like I’m hoping that gets me out of eating it because it sucks. Actually, I think it was what’s that other stuff. It’s not important, but whatever it was. She wanted me to eat it. I didn’t want to eat it. She stabbed me in the chest. Right? Not easy. I’m sure that you may be on here and you had it much tougher than me. I’m not pretending mine’s the worst story of all time. But when I became her, and I asked her. I asked me, asked her, why did you do that?
At first, the answer is, because I hate him and I saw her gritting her teeth and I saw her bony fists because I’d seen it so many times. I said, “Because I hate him, I can’t stand him. I hated that he is an offspring of my husband, who is not with me and I hate him.” After 10 minutes of hate, I got to, “I did the best that I could. I was trying to make him tougher. I was trying to make him better in my own stupid way. You can, I know that there’ll be resistance there. I know that, I don’t even have to look at the comments. I already know, that there are people are like, “No, that’s never justified.” No, I’m not justifying it. I’m not saying it’s right. It was a terrible, horrible, no one deserves it.
I didn’t deserve it. I used to wonder if I did. I used to step into the, “Was I just a bad kid? Did I deserve it?” I have a common because I was a hellion, right? But that is not accurate. No kid deserves that. Okay? I’m not justifying it. I’m understanding it. You can understand and not agree. Okay? That released some stuff for me. There’s some other things around that, that I’m not comfortable sharing. I did share in the Center of the Maze as you know, but I’m not comfortable sharing publicly because of who may see this, but does that help? I’ve been talking for a really long time.
Speaker 1: It absolutely helps. Just those, who hurt me? Who did I crave love from? Who disappointed me? Who abandoned me? All of those things just like set off things in my mind that kind of brought me to the word from watching, Center of the Maze last night. There in acceptance was the word that was keep showing up. All of those questions definitely help me dig deeper. By watching your video and like trying to position myself in those. I think that a lot of this stuff like, what I’ve recognized in the last, since I lost my mom I am like there’s a lot of questions and things that I won’t get answered now, but the fact that we had a good relationship, there are broken relationship.
It came to a point in her life where like I was her. It was more like I was the mom for many, many years, but she was somebody who like put me up on a pedestal. She would always be super vocal about how much she loved me and the fact that she was my biggest cheerleader. There was, no matter what the problem was or anything that was going on between us. There was never any lack of acceptance. The fact that now that she’s gone, I use the phrase that literally took me and like shook me out and turned me over. I’ve got a yard sale going on now, like everything’s out the lawn. It’s changed the rate of relationship with my father. My father and my mother have not been together since I was two years old.
There’s just been a lot of stuff that when I came into to the new year, I was just like, “All right, January is going to be, but this year is going to be my year of growth.” The universe just keeps showing up things on how to get my mindset right and how to work through some of these things that I know and I can visually see that have held me back in so many ways. I just want to work through that and get out of those things. Like you had said, in the last couple of weeks, like you’re experiencing life like you’ve never experienced before.
I’m grateful for every step of the way and I’m grateful for everything that I’ve walked through because just as you can say, it wasn’t like something that anybody deserves, but it is what made you.
Speaker 1: It’s working through those things to be an even better version of you so that you can serve your community and your family and everybody who you love and who you are get to serve. We are yet to love even better than you did even before.
Ray: Yeah. Amen.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for that.
Speaker 1: I just kindly appreciate you in so many ways.
Ray: I appreciate that.
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