In today’s training Ray speaks with laser coaching guest about how to stick up for yourself in the mental blocks it has when you’re unable to.
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Ray Higdon: We got Cristina. Cristina, what’s going on?
Cristina: Good morning, Ray. Thank you so much for having me. Appreciate your time.
Ray Higdon: Absolutely. My pleasure. My pleasure. So tell me where you’re at. How can I help?
Cristina: Well, first off, I just want to congratulate whoever gets Time, Money, Freedom. I just started it and I have to tell you, I’m on rule number two, and it is the greatest gift anyone could really have. The golden nuggets that you and Jessica provide are really life-changing to me. So, I just want to say your kids are very lucky to have you guys as parents and all the golden nuggets that they get every single day, and they’re going to grow up to be some pretty amazing humans. So, thank you.
Ray Higdon: Thank you. I appreciate that. That’s awesome.
Cristina: So I am dealing with, and it sounds a little crazy, I am dealing with a lot of voices in my head. A lot of very conflicting voices in my head. I don’t know if it comes down to things that I’ve been dealing with in my past. I don’t know if it comes down to my career. But I was in television for 10 years and being in television, it is a dog-eat-dog world. You typically don’t tend to ask for help, because it shows a weakness. You’re supposed to exude confidence and assertiveness.
Ray Higdon: What kind of television?
Cristina: So I hosted my own morning show for local television. Prior to that, I was your weather girl for a very popular Spanish morning show, which was a national show, which was kind of the peak of my career, which was amazing. But unfortunately, the way that I achieved that position was from my local morning show that I was doing here in San Antonio, but it was a position that I’d never done. I never studied meteorology, and I was one of the pretty girls, the weather girls, and pointing at numbers.
And my contract was for one year and it was a three-hour show and every hour, I would come on. And every time I would come on, I would present the weather. And then Twitter was big at the time, so on my phone, I’d get notifications of, it was usually men making comments about my appearance, and then women making comments about my lack of knowledge in weather and the reason why I got on there. So I think that
Ray Higdon: The best of both worlds, right?
Cristina: Yeah, the best. And I think that really got into my head. And when you hear that multiple times a day, every single day, you start to believe it. And I thought, I mean, “Why? Yeah, it’s true. I’m not worthy of this. I’m not a meteorologist. I shouldn’t be doing this.” And now that I found network marketing, I see such incredible potential, and I love it. I wish there wasn’t that stigma that it has, because I’ve never learned so much about myself. Thanks to network marketing, thanks to Rank Makers. I mean, it’s so hard, but just to see that goal, it’s exciting, and to see the potential and what people can achieve. But recently, we had our company reunion celebration, the annual conferences that the network marketing companies do. We recently had ours.
And you see all the successful people going up on stage, and I see this one particular woman, she has seven kids and she was in television and I thought, “Wow, she was in television and she’s got kids.” And I could relate to her. But when I heard her talk, Ray, she did not stutter. She had a big smile. She was assertive. She had so many qualities that I wish I had. For me, it’s been more of acting confident, but I think that’s coming through in my prospecting, because I’m anticipating. I’m used to presenting information and it being received.
And now, I’m seeking out and it’s either no response or messages being ignored, and it’s something that I’m not used to, and it gets to my head more than I’d like to admit. And I know you. I’ve listened to you and you’re like, “I go for 20 nos a day and it just rubs off on me and I don’t care.” And I find it really admirable that you’ve acquired that thick skin, that you’re able to talk about your past and without breaking up. And so for me, it just seems like such a far away… Part of me thinks, “I don’t think I can do it. I don’t think.” But then my other voice says, “Yes, you can.” But how? Practice?
Ray Higdon: Sure. So how was growing up? Were your parents tough on you or what did you experience then?
Cristina: So my parents divorced when I was young. My dad was an alcoholic and he passed away, and then my mom remarried and she had my stepdad, who was a wonderful father, but he was very tough. Very, very tough. And I recall one instance, he loved chemistry.
Ray Higdon: How old were you when they divorced?
Cristina: Six. And I witnessed a lot of
Ray Higdon: Did you blame yourself?
Cristina: No. At that time, it was more of why do we have to separate? I was scared. I knew why, because there was physical abuse, there was a lot of yelling, and as a result of that, I avoid confrontation at all costs. But I never questioned why. I understood why. I just wished that it was different.
Ray Higdon: So when you say you avoid confrontation at all costs, it means that you’re not putting yourself first. It means that you’re not you, and how you feel and what you think isn’t the priority. And when you’re not the priority, then it’s easy to succumb to the opinions of others. Do you understand that?
Cristina: Yeah. Like Jerry McGuire, “I’m not going to cry, Roy.” I totally agree. I agree. And I think it’s also because I don’t even know how to argue. I stutter. I get scared. It’s one of those things that I walk away and I’m like, “I should have said that. Why don’t you say that, Cristina? Why don’t you have enough self respect to defend yourself?” But I can’t. I block. My mind just goes blank and I’m just blank. I can’t say anything.
Ray Higdon: So there was probably a time, and I’m betting around six, where you stood up for yourself and it was a very bad result. Did you have anything like that, where you tried to use your voice and tried to stand up for yourself and it went the other way? No?
Cristina: Maybe because I’m on the spot right now and I can’t remember, but I have to think about that.
Ray Higdon: And I will tell you, often I do one of these coaching sessions and someone messages me later and says, “Oh my God, I thought of this time that I’d totally forgotten.” That’s very common, because your non-conscious mind is protecting you, and that’s why we forget the past. I didn’t even remember that guidance counselor betraying me when I was in the third grade. And that was literally being blocked from me, because to keep me safe from some harm that happened in the past, your non-conscious mind will actually block that out. You’ll forget the past.
I remember coaching a lady and we were talking and she goes, “Honestly, I don’t really even remember my mom.” And she didn’t pass until she was 20 or something like that. And so there was so much pain there, that the mind just built a wall and she can’t even remember any of it. So it’s very, very common for us to forget things that really hurt us, because it doesn’t want us to figure those things out because then we’ll be in danger. So if we stood up for ourselves, or we blame ourselves for something and it hurt us, we’ll often say, “Let’s not do that again. Uh-uh (negative). No thanks.” And so, well, how do you not do it again? Just build up a non-reason wall where you just don’t do that.
Cristina: You know what I think, Ray? And as I hear you talking, I think it stems from my mother defending herself. So when my dad would come home
Ray Higdon: So observing someone standing up for herself, for themself?
Ray Higdon: That makes sense.
Cristina: Yes. My dad would come home. Country music would be blasting. So, that was my trigger. And to this day, it’s very hard for me to listen to country music. I’m coming around. And then I would hear country music blasting, arguments, and then it would be just beatings. It was beatings. So for me-
Ray Higdon: I’m so sorry.
Cristina: Thank you.
Ray Higdon: I’m so sorry you experienced that.
Cristina: And so clearly, it’s something that I still need to work on. I’m getting emotional. That’s why I admire so much your ability to speak things that, to me, I don’t even know where I would be, if I went through what you went through. And to see you gives me a lot of hope. But I think it’s something that I still need to work on and heal.
Ray Higdon: For sure. Yeah, that’s not a maybe. That’s a for sure. And that makes sense. If you witness someone as influential as your mom stand up for herself and it ended poorly, then we can very easily draw the conclusion of, oh, well, I better not defend myself. And that would make sense, why Twitter knuckleheads would mess you up, is you not wanting to defend yourself and, I mean, it just makes a lot of sense. I’m so sorry you had to experience that.
Cristina: Thank you. I appreciate that. And I admire my mom, because she’s still just as tough and she still defends herself no matter what. And I wish I had that trait that she has, because she doesn’t take beep from anybody.
Ray Higdon: Yeah. Well, you can have that. Now that you’re aware of, hey, I’m aware that I don’t stick up for myself, you can have that awareness. And I would think there’s nothing, especially since, I love it that you said you admire her, the biggest way you can honor someone that you respect, that sticks up for themselves, is learn to stick up for yourself.
That’s the biggest way that you can honor her is to learn how to stick up for yourself. And so, one, I’m willing to bet she would love to mentor you on that. And go to her and say, “Hey, I’ve come to the realization that as a kid, I just saw you go through so much. And as a kid, I just drew this conclusion not to stick up for myself. Can you help me with this?” And I would ask her. I bet she would absolutely love that, to be able to mentor you on that.
Cristina: I appreciate that. I think so. I think part of me, and part, I think, I haven’t done it is because she’s in very defense mode. So it seems as though a lot of relationships have been torn as a result of her sticking up herself too much, to the point where it’s almost like a constant chip on your shoulder.
Ray Higdon: We’re all in reaction, okay? You’re in reaction from seeing her. She’s in reaction from seeing whoever. I don’t know if it was her mom or dad, I don’t know who it was, but she drew the conclusion that I’m not going to be treated that way. I’m going to stick up for myself. So I don’t know if you know your grandma or grandpa, but perhaps one of them was a pushover and your mom learned, I’m not going to be that.
So we’re all reactionary beings. We all observe things as a kid, and we drew this conclusion, but so did our parents too. And it goes on, and on, and on, and on. And it’s very common for someone that’s always defensive, like you’re saying, to struggle with relationships, because they’re always beating them to the punch, right? Let me not let them hurt me. But that also prevents people from loving them too. And so that’s why I think it would be very powerful for you to talk to her about that, because she could most likely learn something from you as well, and you learn that sticking up for yourself too. I think that would be very powerful.
Cristina: Yeah, come to a happy medium, where it’s not too much or not to the point for me, I’m a people pleaser and a pushover and will do whatever I can to make you happy. Because as long as you’re happy, then I’ll be okay. Don’t worry about myself.
Ray Higdon: Right.
Cristina: So I just don’t want that to reflect in my business, and that’s what I am trying to work on. And I’m so grateful that Marcella set this up with us, so thank you.
Ray Higdon: Yeah. And one thing I’ll share with you, one last thing here, because I see my buddy, Hank, on here as well. The first major break, real breakthrough, that I had happened in the last two years. And so I was working with a coach, and he’s the one that one of the exercises he had me do is go back to my younger self and tell my younger self that I was going to grow up and everything was going to be great. I’d have a great business. I’d have an amazing wife, had a great family, make millions of dollars, have lots of followers, yada, yada. And so I do this exercise and I was in hypnosis. He’s a hypnotist. And he asked me, he’s like, “How did that feel?” And he didn’t believe me. And so the interesting thing about that exercise is there is no little kid. That’s actually your subconscious. So literally, I didn’t believe it. So I-
Cristina: You didn’t believe what?
Ray Higdon: I didn’t believe my reality. And that’s something that Hank is suggesting, and I’m suggesting too, that you accomplished those things. Whether someone has an opinion on how good you’re a meteorologist are or not, you were there. You did those things. And it reminds me, I don’t know if you’ve ever heard of Rachael Ray.
Cristina: Love her.
Ray Higdon: You’ve heard of Rachael Ray?
Ray Higdon: Well, Rachael Ray, I don’t know if you know her story, but she didn’t know how to cook a damn thing. And she told people, I forget the exact circumstances, but she gets interviewed and she BSs her way through and then learns cooking. And so this isn’t a, hey, you’re out of your league, or, hey, you don’t deserve that. You got that. And so back to my story of, my younger self, which is really my subconscious, didn’t believe these things. And I realized that for all of our marriage, up until the last two years, when I would describe Jess, I would describe her one way. Unbelievable. I’d say, “I have an unbelievable wife.” And it’s literally because I didn’t believe my reality. I didn’t believe it.
So if you don’t believe your reality, it could slip out from under you very easily. And you show up in a way as if you don’t have those things, even though you do. You show up as if you’re not that person, even though you are. And so I would just encourage you to embrace that of you did those things, you accomplished those things, and that’s awesome.
And, I mean, every day, I get different opinions thrown at me, accusing me of this, of that, of this, whatever. And so there’ll never be a lack of opinions. The only time that you’re not going to get any conflicting opinions, if you play so small, no one ever notices. And that’s not your destiny. Your destiny is to grow into something really, really amazing. You already are, but even go to that next level of impacting more people and helping more people, because there’s a lot of people that resonate with your story. You can see that in the comments right here. And so I do think that you spending that time with your mom and don’t be addicted to her changing, right? But getting that mentoring and having some healing there, I think it would be very, very helpful for you and also her.
Cristina: And her. Both of us. I think so, too. Thank you.
Ray Higdon: And then let’s make sure, I want to hear an update on how things are going. So I believe you’re in Inner Circle and so I want to make sure we get an update, but I think that’d be a good action step for you next.
Cristina: Okay. Yes. And she’s in the next room. So we’re going to have a quick talk when I see her.
Ray Higdon: Awesome. And this was helpful?
Cristina: Thank you so much, Ray. I appreciate your time. Very helpful. Very helpful. Baby steps. Baby steps. And another thing why I love the Time, Money, Freedom is my why, and then my vision. And I didn’t know that there’s more than why. So that book is, oh my God. I’m taking notes. As I’m taking notes, I’m like, “Oh my God, I’m just verbatim writing this book onto my computer, my audio book.” Because, every single word is so valuable. It’s really, really something special. So thank you. And my mom just ordered it on Amazon, so I can’t wait for her to read it too.
Ray Higdon: That’s awesome. Well, thank you, Cristina. Thank you for being vulnerable and I’m proud of you.
Cristina: Thank you.
Ray Higdon: I’m proud of what you’ve done and I know you’re going to do some really cool stuff too.
Cristina: And hopefully work for you one day.
Ray Higdon: Okay. All right. Put it out there.
Cristina: For you and Jess. Thank you very much. Appreciate your time.
Ray Higdon: Appreciate you.
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