I’m going to teach you how to stay consistent with goals.
First I’m going to share with you why you struggle with consistency. This is something I’ve helped thousands of people identify. Next I want to help you save yourself and how to think differently when you’re about to quit. Lastly, I’m going to share with you the number one word that you need to really embrace so you can stop quitting.
Let’s talk about why you struggle with consistency.
First of all if you’re reading this post (I can’t make this as a blanket claim of every person on the planet because some people are…) but if you’re reading this post…..you’re not lazy. That’s not why you struggle with consistency. I have found from coaching a lot of people over the last 10, 12 years that the reason people struggle with consistency that are actually plugging in and trying to get better at it, is not because they’re lazy but because they’ve drawn the wrong conclusion to success based on a prior observation they made as a kid.
Let me give you an example. A few months back, I coached somebody who shared with me that for the last four or five years she had been up down up down up down….in her career. She would start making some decent money (this was her side gig so maybe two, three, four thousand dollars a month) then she would slack off. She would become inconsistent. Then she would have it go back down….then she would climb back up….go back down…climb back up…go back down… and it was like this for the last four or five years.
I know with that pattern, it’s not a lack of know-how because she knows how to grow it and it’s not laziness because she’s trying. She’s trying to do it. It’s because of an incorrect conclusion that she’s made about success. So I asked her and she actually used the words “I just don’t want to disappoint anyone.” She used that word ‘disappoint.’
I said “well I’m just curious who disappointed you as a kid?” (which is a maybe a strange question).
She wasn’t ready for that question.
She says.. “well….well maybe not disappoint but shame.“
I’m like.. “hmm Okay. What do you mean by that?”
She said, “well, my mom was a prostitute.”
I think at that point I kind of knew what might be going on, but I had to ask some more questions.
I said, “well how many people know that? Do local people know that, do friends and family know it?”
She goes, “oh yeah, they all know….and she’s still alive.”
I said, “I know what your problem.”
She’s like, “okay what’s my problem?”
I told her that her problem was she had drawn the conclusion that if she achieved above a certain level, that would create jealousy and envy amongst the people that know her and her mom’s situation. It would cause them to call her out and say, “yeah but your mom was a prostitute.” Which would bring shame to her living mother and she would do anything to avoid that happening.
She hears this and she’s like, “oh my god, I’ve never thought about it that way.”
She had a breakdown. She had never considered that, but it was absolutely what she was doing. She would get to a certain point and then have this unconscious thought of “oh my god if I reach my potential then that’s going to bring people out and they’ll talk about my mom and I want to protect my mom.” That’s what was preventing her from being consistent.
I told her there’s another way to look at it. Which is, “your mom literally did everything she could for you to have a better life and for that to be the reason that you don’t, it’s kind of a slap in the face.”
A little intense but I knew that that’s what she needed to hear. She needed to hear those words so she could stop holding herself back, which wasn’t benefiting her mom at all. The best thing that she could do for her mom was actually succeed and make her life (her very tough life) make a little bit more sense. I knew that this was tough news for her and so I reached out to her a couple days later. I said “hey, how you doing? how are things?” She said, “you know what? I talked to my mom and it’s on.”
Now, a little update, she reached out to me a couple weeks ago. This amazing woman has gone from struggling for years at three to four thousand dollars a month to her check in November being $93,000. She completely almost 100x her income and her mom and her have the best relationship they’ve ever had until now.
When you uncover the reason that you’re not consistent, your entire life changes. Now that’s not something that we may be able to get into your personal issue here, but I want to plant that seed that if you’re not consistent but you are actually showing up and trying to be, it’s not laziness, it’s something else.
How to think differently when your about to quit.
I’m going to equip you with some resources to use when you’re about to quit.
Number one, when you’re about to quit on a goal, I want you to ask yourself “why did I start and is that still important?” For me, I started a home-based business because I wanted to spend more time with my kids. There is never a time where that’s not important to me. That’s something that if you’re being honest with yourself, the reason that you started down this journey (of whatever goal that you’re struggling with) it’s probably still important to you and quitting is not going to speed that up.
Number two, what are the ramifications if you do quit? Like you have so many times before. What are the ramifications? What does that look like? Does that continue to chip away at your belief in yourself? I can tell you…there’s nothing more powerful than you sticking to your guns. You start to feel better about yourself and then you ask this question “what else can I do?” I’m going to encourage you that when the going gets tough, keep showing up. My last point is really going to help you continue to show up.
Let’s hear from you.
I’d love to hear from you. Drop me a comment. Let me know what is the one goal you have right now. Over the last 10, 12 years, I’ve done thousands and thousands and thousands of videos, checklists and pdf downloads. I probably have something that will help you with whatever goal that you are working towards. So drop me a comment and let me know your number one goal and I may have some advice that will be specific to your goal to help you.
The number one word to embrace.
Here’s the number one word that will help you. This is especially taking into consideration that you may have (in the past) quit and number two, you may be battling (very likely) a program that was created from your childhood. That word is defiance. I want you to become more defiant than you have been in the past. Defiance, what does that look like? Defiance is you showing up and doing the thing that you know will help you reach your goal even when you don’t feel like doing it. The more of this that you do, the more powerful you become.
Over the years (I even know why) I used to struggle with my weight. I would be 260 pounds, 230, 240, 210, 225, 203 and I was in that range bouncing around like a yo-yo for as many years as I can remember….probably 20 years. I would be bouncing around going up and down. The reason was because of my childhood. I wasn’t in the greatest situation. I grew up in a very abused home, very physically abused. I remember almost every single night as a kid, I would go to bed and I would dream of eating. I would dream of “man, when I get out of here…I’m going to go to McDonald’s and I’m going to (that was the height of my imagination…I hadn’t experienced a lot of great food) get a chocolate shake and fries…” this was every night. I would go to sleep dreaming of going to McDonald’s and eating, kind of sad.
My translation of that as an adult was eating equals freedom so when I try to restrict myself from eating, that clashes against my desire for freedom. I had to become aware of that program and I had to make a choice of “hey, I want to be free to have a better body, to be in better shape, so I need to become defiant to those urges and so I learned to become defiant. Right now (I think) I’m at my same weight as I was in high school and for the first time in many, many decades. I had to become defiant to get to where I wanted to be with my weight.
You’re most likely going to have to become defiant to get where you want to go. Becoming defiant and finding opportunities. Now this is different than you eliminating the possibility. For example, you’ll hear some people say “okay, if you’re trying to lose weight go through your house and get rid of everything…..get rid of the Oreos and KitKat’s and this and that…” and the idea is if you’re not tempted then you’re fine. I want you to actually be tempted, I want you to face temptation and be defiant in that, because you know what? That’s reality. You’re going to be at your neighbor’s house and guess what they’re going to have on the counter? Oreos. You’re going to be at a cookout and guess what they’re going to have? Birthday cake.
I want you to become defiant in the face of temptation. Not try to avoid all temptation because you’re never (unless you’re a hermit at the top of a mountain) you’re never going to be completely absent of temptation, when it comes to food at least. Now you have to look at “okay where else in my life am I going to be tempted?” Maybe you’re going to be tempted by going to bed early because you don’t want to send that last sales message. Maybe you’re going to be tempted to not do that video because you feel like it’s going to be stupid. Do it anyway become defiant. This is something that will change your life. If you look for more opportunities for you to be defiant in the face of doing something you don’t want to do, it will increase your trajectory toward your actual goals.
I can help you.
If you’re serious about your goal or goals and you would like some help (perhaps you would like to uncover what is that program that is keeping you from being consistent) then I would highly encourage you to sign up for a free strategy session with us.
Here is the link, Higdongrouptraining.com.
You will be contacted by a member of my company. They will reach out to you and help you with whatever goal that you have and give you a free strategy session. Just so you’re aware (in case you haven’t figured it out) they’re also going to tell you about our coaching program which is completely optional. If you would like to learn more about it, great. If you don’t feel like you need a coach right now, that’s fine too, but at least get your free strategy session by filling out the information. Click the link above and we can help you reach your goals.