Today’s training is about how to handle rejection in this laser coaching guest, Renee Adam’s business. Once you figure out how to handle you will be able to move past when you are rejected and continue forward to get those “yeses” in your network marketing business.
If you want to see the full training click HERE or the image below…
Laser Coaching With Renee Adams
Ray Higdon: We have laser coaching, and this is a celebrity laser coaching, we should call it, because this person was a contestant on Play to Win. She is someone that I actually brag about a lot. She is one of the rare birds that has made me cry over the last year or so. And so please help me welcome Miss Renee Adams. Renee, how are you?
Renee Adams: Good, Ray. Thank you. Thank you for having me on. I’m excited.
Ray Higdon: Yes. Yes, yes, yes. So if you’re in Rank Makers, you’ve heard me talk about Renee. Renee has been through a lot in her life and she is boldly moving forward to help others and share her story and been playing big. Mary Kate asked me if, “Hey, is it okay if we do Renee?” And one of the reasons that I think it’s important is I feel like some people think that once they have a breakthrough, it’s like, “Oh my God, then my life was so easy,” and that’s just not how it is. I would say the last eight months, I’ve had some of my very toughest times in the last 10 years. I don’t mean financially necessarily, but I mean mentally.
I heard, I’ll see if this resonates with you, so there’s something, there’s a video out there I did called The Dark Night of the Soul, and I got that term from Dr. Joe Dispenza, but I recently heard of the Reverend Dr. Michael Beckwith talk about dark night of the soul, and how he explained it was so dead on of how I felt it. He said, “The dark night of the soul is when you know that you’ve had an awakening and you know that you’re a different person, but the path hasn’t shown up for you yet. So you’re still battling your old demons. You’re still battling your old addictions to emotions. You’re still battling your old feelings.
And you know that they’re no longer congruent with you, but the new ones haven’t shown up yet and you don’t know what the hell to do.” And so I’ve had a couple of those over this last eight months, and you would think that I’m way past that stuff. And so I thought it’d be really cool to bring you out here, see how we can help you, see what you’re going through. I know you’ve gone through a lot of transformation over this last year or two since Play to Win. And so tell me where you’re at.
Renee Adams: Ooh, it’s been a journey. It has been a journey. Well, when I was on Play to Win, I had not a clue. I had not a clue. Well, I shouldn’t say that, actually. I just didn’t feel worthy. I didn’t feel like I was enough, and because of my past experience. And if you don’t know, I’m just going to give a little scenario. I was adopted at the age of two, and I was put back in an orphanage for child abuse at the age of 13. From the age of 13 through to the age of 17, I experienced child trafficking. I thought the child abuse was like the enormous thing, but child trafficking.
So it’s been a journey. It has been a total journey. I was on Play to Win. Ray had taken me actually around the building of the Sunshine Seafood Cafe and Bar. Anyways, we went around. He said, “Hey, can I talk to you for a minute?” and this day changed my life. I didn’t think I was going to do this. But he took me by the hand and he just looked at me and he said, “Renee,” he said, “you need to tell your story. You need to tell your story. Someone out there needs to hear your story.” I came back and I think within, I don’t know, a couple of weeks or so, I went back to a place that I had been at in my life, and that was the YWCA and Young Women of America.
And so I’ve just tried to move up and just tried to overcome my past. I’m an advocate now for human trafficking. I’ve spoke, well, this will be my third time next month, at the Statehouse here in Columbus. There was 42 states and 19 countries that attended, so it was huge. So I just keep going and going and going and pushing. Right now, as Ray and Mary Kate know, I’m pushing to be a CASA, which is a volunteer and it’s a advocate for children, for child abuse.
So I’ve been doing a lot, but I recently found my biological family and that has just hit me so hard in the heart. I’m going to tell you where I’m at, Ray, they really don’t want to connect. I have had rejection all my life, and I’m stuck. I am so stuck. I don’t know. I try to be the better person every day than I was yesterday, but I’m so stuck right now. And it’s like, okay, I woke up two days ago and I just said, “This is it. I’m done. I’m done fighting this in my head and in my heart. I’m just done.” So, that’s where I’m at. Thank you.
Ray Higdon: Yeah. How did this happen? How did you reconnect with them? Or how’d you find them? Or how did this go down?
Renee Adams: Yeah, okay. So I did an Ancestry DNA. Ancestry DNA. And on my birthday, actually, right after the show Play to Win, Mary Kate interviewed me and she told me my nationality. Then from there, because I never knew, I carried this burden around of not feeling worthy, not good enough for over 47 years, so I thought this would be really cool to find out, who am I? Who am I? And so I found out my nationality. Then my mother’s side came along, and now my father’s side came along. Both of my biological parents are deceased, unfortunately. I don’t think that my biological father knew that I was conceived. I don’t think so at all. But he was a brilliant man. He had a master’s in education. He had a master’s in social work. He was in the Navy. I mean, he was a speaker. He was a speaker. And so, actually, I just talked to his wife of 17 years three nights ago. Yeah. So it’s really cool [crosstalk]-
Ray Higdon: So your biological mom and dad were never married?
Renee Adams: No, no.
Ray Higdon: Okay. And if she’s of 17 years, then they weren’t together when you were born.
Renee Adams: Exactly.
Ray Higdon: Right.
Renee Adams: Yeah.
Ray Higdon: Okay. And so you’re wanting to connect with basically anyone from that family, either family tree, basically, is what you’re–
Renee Adams: I have connected with my mother’s side. There’s 10 of us. We all have different fathers. That’s like the wild side of the family that I’m seeing. I had a really troubled childhood. I mean, Ray, you know my story about the child abuse. My hands tied behind my back, my feet, kneeling on rice, thinking that I would tell a lie. I’d have to chew gum, and then every 10 minutes I’d have to raise it on a wall. And my feet were like this, so then if I came down, I would get the beating of my life. And even though I went through that, after hearing my biological sisters’ and brothers’ story and see their demeanor, I just wonder if it was really that bad. That’s how bad, because they had it so bad. They lived in the back of men’s trucks while I guess my mother was begging for Happy Meals, and so it was just crazy.
And now that I’ve met my father’s side, it’s completely different. They all stand for who they are. They take pride in who they are, and it’s just a refreshing atmosphere, surrounding atmosphere, but not so much because I’m not wanted, because nobody knew about me. So here I come in. And I understand that in a way, but why? It’s like rejection. With my business, with network marketing, that is one thing that you just have to be like a duck and let it roll off your back, period, is rejection. This is my third company. My second company or my first company, I got up to director, I think director two. I mean, I did wonderful. And I’m wondering if it’s because I was naive, per se, I just ran into it, because now I feel like I just have all these feelings and all these attributes of my past life that… I don’t know.
Ray Higdon: Let me just understand the first scenario first and then we can go there.
Renee Adams: Sure. Sure, sure.
Ray Higdon: So, well, first of all, again, sorry you went through all that. You didn’t deserve that. It just sucks. It sucks to hear that. On your dad’s side, so they’re like, “Hey, thanks for sharing. We’re not really sure what to do here,” or not wanting to connect with you, I take it.
Renee Adams: Right.
Ray Higdon: They got their own stuff going on, their own families–
Renee Adams: Yeah
Ray Higdon: … and stuff like that. Yeah. And then you are actively connected to those on the mother’s side?
Renee Adams: Somewhat, yes.
Ray Higdon: Somewhat.
Renee Adams: Yeah. I had to leave them where they were. It was like, I came, I saw, and I went. I have more to offer myself, I guess. I’m not judging them and I’m not putting them down. I just think that there’s always room for improvement. I don’t care how bad you’ve had it. I mean, I do care. I do care. I do care. But there has to be some kind of something that gets down inside of you and says, “Hey, I got to change this. I got to change this. I can’t keep doing the same stuff.”
Ray Higdon: Yeah. So I remember when we were writing Time, Money, Freedom, and I don’t remember who even said this, it might’ve been Steve, Hank’s partner, it might’ve been him, might not have been him, I don’t know, but they said, “This book, Time, Money, Freedom, is something that would help anyone with their finances and relationships.” And I said, “No, that’s actually not true.” And they’re like, “What?” And I said, “No, this is for anyone who wants to improve their finances and relationships.” And so, first of all, I would say one thing that I have learned over the years is that it is not my job to create desire for improvement in others. It’s my job to serve that desire. If they have a desire, I will help them with finances and relationships. If they do not have a desire, it is actually harmful to them and me for me to try to create that desire in them.
Renee Adams: Exactly. Yes.
Ray Higdon: And so I would just understand that you’re going to run into people and you might have a relation to them, you might not, you might be related to them, you might not, and some of them aren’t going to want to seek improvement, which will seem very strange to you. That’s not your job. Your job is not to create desire in others. But there’s so many people out there that have desire but also have tough stories that really need to hear your story.
And so even your part, so you’ve probably heard me talk about this because you’re on a lot of my stuff, but, I mean, I’m looking around my office and I don’t even fill all the drawers in here anymore. I have a couple of things on the wall. I sold all my watches. Basically, everything around me either has to bring me joy or bring me more toward my purpose, or I don’t want it. I know that we’re talking about material things or whatever, but I think you need to look at that worldly as well. And so the father family not accepting you does actually, although it hurts, I’m sure, and it is not the desired outcome, it does serve your purpose of impacting more people.
Like, for example, my story. So I didn’t talk to my dad for 13 years, reached out to him and we created a relationship. It’s not perfect. It’s not a hundred percent.
We’re not tossing the football back and forth, but there’s something. We text each other, whatever. A lot of people, when they hear that story, they become addicted to the response and they want to send a letter or they want to send something to someone. “Well, I want it to be like Ray’s.” And it may not be, right?
Renee Adams: Right.
Ray Higdon: And so you not being accepted, it’s a continuation of the story, and I would see it as it does serve your purpose of impacting more people, because there’s going to be way more people that went through your type of situation that don’t get back accepted in the family than do. Does that make sense?
Renee Adams: Yeah, that makes huge sense. Yeah.
Ray Higdon: It’s something that, it sucks, yet again. Here’s another pain point for you, right? We thought the pain was done. The pain is not done. But all it’s doing is look at, “How does this serve me? Does it? How does this serve me?” And it does because you’re going to speak to a lot of audiences where had you connected and you said, “Yeah. I go to all the family reunions now and it’s amazing. And they send me birthday presents, and, oh my God,” and you’re going to have half of the people that went through your stuff say, “Well, that’s really nice for her. Not what I experienced.” You see what I mean?
Renee Adams: I do see what you mean.
Ray Higdon: You have one of the most unique… I don’t want to say unique, but it is unique. You have one of the most powerful stories to impact a very certain type of person that is very hard to impact. And the fact that you’ve overcome it, that you survived it, that you’ve thrived, that you’ve become a wonderful person, that is just testament to your character, a testament to your strength. And so your story, yet again, has been strengthened to impact even more people. Because if people hear your story versus my story, just in the parent part, they hear my story, they get addicted to, “Well, hopefully me and Dad can throw the football around,” they hear your story and it’s either, “Yeah, I had the same experience,” or, “Mine was a little better.” You see what I mean?
Renee Adams: Yes.
Ray Higdon: And so if you step back from the pain of what is and observe, “Okay, how did this serve me?” It does serve you to impact more people. It’s a more powerful story now.
Renee Adams: That’s amazing. That’s amazing that you would say that, yeah, because it’s like, so now I’m not stopped dead in my tracks. I can just keep going.
Ray Higdon: Yeah. Because it becomes part of your story. It’s like, “And, hey, I have an update on my story. And I found out my dad, and I found out my dad’s story and he’s brilliant, and he’s this and he’s that. But you know what? They didn’t want to have anything to do with me.” And as you’re sharing this story, you’re saying, “And you have to understand that you may have this in your life.” Right? So you’re thinking about the student, thinking about the person that you’re serving. You now have another experience that you can share that will serve them, that will help them.
Renee Adams: Right, yeah. Yeah, I do see that. I do see that. His wife of 17 years, she wanted me to come to a memorial, a memorial service. She’s the only one that wants me to come, and I was very honored. Then the next thing I know, just like network marketing, ghost, ghost, ghost. It’s like, “Okay, I get it now. I can read between the lines and I get it.” But that is very powerful.
Ray Higdon: Well, you’re saying she ghosted you?
Renee Adams: She ghosted me, but actually, this afternoon, she wanted me to call her. She gave me her phone number.
Ray Higdon: So don’t create stories. Don’t create stories. You don’t know if someone’s been sick or something happened. Let’s not assume because those who have been through a lot of pain, we do a lot of assumptions. I know I have.
Renee Adams: Yes, we do.
Ray Higdon: I’ve learned to correct that. Okay? I’ll give you a–
Renee Adams: [crosstalk] do that? How do you do that?
Ray Higdon: What’s that?
Renee Adams: How do you do that, Ray? How do you correct that? How do you turn your mind off of that?
Ray Higdon: You ask for clarity. I’ll give you an example. I got several of these. But so if you’ve been through trauma, if you’ve been through hurt, you assume a lot. You’re looking for, what’s the most negative thing in this situation? And, hey, sometimes you’re right. Right? But when you seek that and you don’t seek clarity, you’re going to draw the wrong conclusions.
So I remember I was at a buddy’s wedding, and it was pretty hectic. It was a destination wedding. So it was Jess and I, had Sabrina there, had my mom there. It’s a few years ago. And Sabrina wasn’t feeling that good. Then my mom wasn’t feeling that good, who was supposed to be watching Sabrina. And so in the wedding reception, I go to my buddy and I’m like, “Hey, man, I’m sorry. I planned on partying all night with you and everything, but I got to go back. My mom’s not feeling good.” And he’s like, “Oh, dude.” He gave me all kinds of stuff, which guys do.
The next day I saw him and I’m like, “Hey, man, what’s going on?” He’s like, “Hey, what’s up man?” and he rushed past me really fast. And so in my head, it’s like, “Really, dude? I come out to this destination wedding and because I got to leave early, now, all of a sudden, you don’t even want to talk to me.” I mean, to fly everyone there it was five grand to get there. So I draw all these conclusions. And then I’ve just learned, I’m like, “You know what? Let me just seek clarity.” And so I messaged him, right, and I said, “Hey, man, I saw you this morning. You were really short with me. And maybe I’m crazy. I don’t know if you’re mad that I had to leave last night, but with my mom and everything, it was very tough. I hated doing it.” And he’s like, “Dude, no, I was running late for the massage.”
Renee Adams: Oh, wow. Yeah.
Ray Higdon: Now, I’m telling you right now, had I not sought clarity, I probably would not have been his friend anymore. I probably would’ve just gone back and been like, “Yeah. Yeah, buddy. My daughter, my mom’s sick, and I spent all this money to come out there and you’re…” I probably wouldn’t have been his friend anymore, and that would have been all in my head. As the groom, he was just running late to the massage. That’s why he was in a hurry. And so seeking clarity, not assuming.
I remember my, I don’t know if she’s watching, she probably is, but I remember my mom… I forgot what I was doing. I was doing a different speaking gig or something where I was out of town on weekends. This was quite a few years ago. I had been going to this service on Sundays and she would go there with me and stuff. Then I started just an insane travel schedule, and so I just couldn’t make it anymore. So I just stopped going. And I remember she leaves me this voicemail and she goes, “Hey, I don’t know what they did to you, Ray, but it’s their loss. You’re a great person.” She had created this whole story that they had pissed me off and that’s why I stopped going. And they didn’t do anything.
Renee Adams: Right.
Ray Higdon: And so we all create these stories and unless you seek clarity, you just don’t know. You have no idea. And so I’ve just learned to, “Hey, am I assuming too much here? Am I creating a story here? Let me verify this.” And so I would just be very careful, because, one, I would just make sure. Right? And you may make sure and they may say, “To hell with you.” Right? You got to be prepared for that, that you did draw the right conclusion. But if I put myself in their shoes, someone who’s deceased, it’s probably more of a, “Hey, are we really honoring him…” you know what I mean? “… by having this new storyline in the family tree?” I imagine some may think that’s not serving of him. And so it’s not actually a rejection of you. It’s a rejection of, “I don’t want to tarnish his name because what will-”
Renee Adams: Oh, oh.
Ray Higdon: You see what I mean?
Renee Adams: Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Ray Higdon: So I think it’s, you could be, walk on water, Mother Teresa, the most amazing person on the planet, but to the loyal deceased person, that could very easily seem like a challenge to his honor or whatever.
Renee Adams: That makes so much sense.
Ray Higdon: Not that I agree with that take, but I can absolutely see that as some people’s take.
Renee Adams: That makes so much sense. I never even thought from that perspective, Ray. Yeah. That’s crazy. That’s very good. I’d never thought of that. His wife of 17 years, she said, “Go to this college that’s here in Ohio.” She said, “There’s a big picture and a big honor of him. Just, all the judges here liked him.” I mean, my dad was just, back in the day, I guess he was… And the thing is we probably crossed paths so many times. We probably did. But, yeah, exactly. And it might be–
Ray Higdon: Especially someone like that. I mean someone of notoriety and local celebrity type, and especially someone like that. He probably has his name on buildings and stuff, and there’s going to be an even higher level of defense for that kind of person being that they’re deceased.
Renee Adams: Yes. But I’m not looking for the fame. I’m just looking–
Ray Higdon: I know that.
Renee Adams: I’m not looking for the fame. I’m just looking for closure, just to see where I came from. And now that I’m talking about it, maybe I just am better off, just leave it alone, and just continue to live my life and just wait. I mean, I’m not waiting, per se, but just let the cards fall where they fall. Right?
Ray Higdon: I mean, I think, like what we started talking about, I think you’ve been given something that, like many things that serves us, is painful at first. And so you can only control what you do. That’s it. We can’t come up with better pitches to get the other family members to accept us. We can only control what we do. And so you take in this story which just extends your already amazing story, it’s going to impact more people, and that’s where I would go.
One last thing that I’ll tell you is one thing that Joe Dispenza really made me aware of is, where is your energy? And to such a level that I’ve never heard anybody talk about and I’ve never thought this way. So I’ll give you an example.
If I have a thought about something, I want to solve it so I can eliminate that string of energy. So it’s probably best to say it in a story. So for the last several years, we’ve had this storage unit and I had no idea what the hell was in that storage unit, but every now and then I would just have this thought of, “I wonder what’s in the storage unit. I wonder what’s in the storage unit.” And that, I now am aware, was stealing a percentage of my energy for creation, for impact, for new. It wasn’t serving me.
And so one Saturday I tell Jess, I’m like, “Hey, I got to go wipe out the storage unit.” And she’s like, “What are you talking about? The one we’ve had for years?” I’m like, “Yes, it’s driving me nuts.” She goes, “It’s driving you nuts? How’s this driving you nuts? You don’t even know what’s in it.” I’m like, “Exactly. It’s got a piece of my mind. I don’t like it. I got to eliminate it.” And so I call up my buddy, Jeff, who I saw his wife on here, and I said, “Hey, man, will you come help me?” And like many projects, the poor guy, it ends up being an all day project. And we donate/throw away an entire tractor trailer worth of stuff. I did keep some things and some things I sold. But just now that energy I have reclaimed. And so reclaimed energy is so powerful. Me just thinking about this thing, and it was just like, it was taking a piece of my energy.
And so this, I would look at it as, “This has added to my story. This is now what Napoleon Hill would call an asset for my benefit, even though it hurts.” Right? And I would take, “How much does it hurt versus how many will it serve?” And I think it will serve a lot of people. I think it will serve thousands, if not tens of thousands, of people. And to me, the serving is higher than the pain. And so that’s how I would look at it. And me personally, I would drop it. Now, if the wife insisted on you coming, I would honor that and I would go. And if she doesn’t, then I would honor that too. But I would no longer pursue it. That’s just me. That’s just my–
Renee Adams: That’s awesome. Perfect. Perfect.
Ray Higdon: Yeah. Was that helpful?
Renee Adams: So much insight. Yes. Oh my gosh. Yes, yes, yes. It really is, it’s enlightening to me, because I know I have a story and I know that I can impact, or I’m going to impact. And now, instead of feeling like I’m stopped, feeling like, “Oh, I’m not worthy again-”
Ray Higdon: Keep in mind they didn’t reject you. They don’t know you.
Renee Adams: Okay. Right.
Ray Higdon: How could they reject you? They don’t know you. What they’re rejecting is what they may view as the tarnishing of their very influential, or whatever, father or uncle, brother, whatever. They can’t be rejecting you because they don’t know you. And so that’s something to understand. You’re not being rejected again.
They don’t know you. But what are they rejecting? Well, the only thing that I can think of they’d possibly be rejecting is, “Let’s not tarnish. He’s deceased. Let’s not mess that up.” Because that, they know. You, they don’t know. And so–
Renee Adams: That makes so much sense. Oh my God. I have so much clarity now. I really do, Ray. Thank you.
Ray Higdon: Awesome.
Renee Adams: Thank you. Thank you. I’m going to take my story and I’m going to help as many as I can.
Ray Higdon: Yep, absolutely. Absolutely. Well, love you, Renee. You’re amazing.
Renee Adams: Love you too.
Ray Higdon: I appreciate you. Appreciate you. Give Renee some love. I mean, she is just absolutely awesome. We are so proud of her. I wanted to show that when you’re doing the work, she’s doing the tough work, right, and she’s done the tough work, she’s continuing to do the tough work, and when you’re doing that, it’s not just all uphill or all downhill, I guess I would say. But sometimes you’re going to run into stuckness, sometimes you’re going to run into old patterns, you’re going to make assumptions, create stories, and you’ve got to constantly be checking yourself. And so we’re rooting for you, Renee. Love you.
Renee Adams: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much.
Ray Higdon: Appreciate you. Awesome. Well, if this was helpful, feel free to share. Give her some love, and thanks for tuning in. Love you guys.
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