Today I’m going to show you how to build self love and self esteem.
First, we are going to identify what they are and what they are not and why you need to know the difference. Next, I’m going to share with you the surefire way to build both. Lastly, I’m going to share with you some daily steps that you can take that helped me and has helped a lot of my clients.
What is self love, what is self esteem.
First, let’s identify what is self love, what is self esteem. I’m actually going to read this to you because this is important for you to understand.
Self love as defined by Wikipedia is defined as “love of self or regard for one’s own happiness or advantage, has been conceptualized both as a basic human necessity, and as a moral flaw, akin to vanity and selfishness synonymous with conceitedness, egotism and narcissism.” Now, it’s dangerous to think that self love is selfish because the best thing that you can do for the world is become the best version of yourself. To actually love yourself, because if you love yourself, you’re going to be able to fully love others. You’re going to send off that kind of vibration, that kind of energy and you’re worthy of that, that is not conceited. Self love doesn’t mean that you think everyone else is lesser than you, it means that you love yourself.
Now let’s talk about self esteem. Self esteem, according to Wikipedia, is “confidence in one’s own worth, or abilities, self respect. Self esteem encompasses beliefs about oneself, as well as emotional states such as triumph, despair, pride, and shame.” When it comes to self esteem, one of the things that I’m going to suggest is that you seek confidence. Now, you probably hear that and you’re like, “well, that’s exactly what I need. I need confidence.” A lot of people seek confidence, but that’s actually the wrong thing to look for…Confidence is what you gain when you’ve done something over and over and over and over. You’ve done it, it’s not new so you’re confident in your ability to do it. That is very difficult for you to tap into, if you’re entering a world of growth, where you’re doing things that you’re not comfortable doing, that you haven’t done before.
Instead of seeking confidence, seek courage.
See, courage you can tap into in the moment. Courage is something that you can tap into at any moment, from any position, if you choose to. Confidence is something you gain after a long period of time and many repetitions of having courage. Courage is something you can tap into right now. If there’s something in your life that you’re wanting to do, but you’re a little nervous about it, don’t seek confidence, you can’t gain confidence doing something you’ve never done before. But you can gain courage.
What is the surefire way to build both self love and self esteem?
It is actually very, very simple….keep your word to yourself. Are you constantly saying you’re going to do something, than not doing it? Every time that happens, you’re actually diminishing self love and self esteem, right? Because on the self love side, you’re starting to doubt yourself, you’re starting to say, “well…I’m not even worthy of keeping my own word” and self esteem, you’re going farther and farther and farther away, of having confidence, of having that piece of you that can count on yourself. Instead, start keeping your word to yourself.
Now, this is twofold.
Number one, don’t over promise. If you know that it’s going to be extremely difficult for you to do this thing, just be careful of what promises you throw out to yourself. Be careful of what you’re telling yourself and others that you’re going to be willing to do. A very powerful way for you to do this is to start setting activity goals for yourself during the week. This is something we teach our Rank Makers group. We give an action step everyday and when it’s Monday, we say, set your activity goals for the week, what are you going to do and keep your word. Instead of setting goals that would impress everyone around you, set goals that you know, you can hit and you know, you can stick to and then go do them. Every time you do that, that’s actually going to increase your self love, increase your self esteem. Before you know it, you’re feeling a whole lot better about yourself.
Number two. Now, if you really want to ratchet it up, learn the powerfulness of the word defiance. Defiance is actually the name of our upcoming book. It’s not out yet, but it’s the name of our book. Defiance is when you know that if you did this thing, it would benefit you, but you’re really nervous about it. You’re really scared about it. It seems to be bigger than you, and so defiance will have you go do it anyway. I’ve used defiance in so many areas of my life. One example was when I first started meditating, which I’ll talk about here in the next step. But when I first started meditating, it was difficult. You ever tried to meditate? I remember my first five minutes into meditation and my shoulders bugging me, my back is aching. I’m just kind of stretching around and scratching my face and totally distracted. Well, because of defiance, I became defiant and I told the body, “hey, I’m the master, I’m in control. I’m the one at the helm here, not you.” I let my body know that I really appreciated it, but it needed to sit still. Now I’ve done meditations that are four hours long without moving a muscle, you can do that with defiance. Now, the powerfulness of defiance is when you’re defiant against the program’s and the emotions that are trying to prevent you and convince you not to do that thing and you do it anyway, you’ll ask yourself, “what else can I do?”
You do a combination of keeping your word to yourself and to others, of course, but also using that power of defiance, what is it that would benefit you, but you just don’t want to do…you go do it anyway. You go do it anyway and watch how much more powerful you feel.
Let’s hear from you.
I would love to hear from you. Is there something in your daily routine, which is what I’m going to talk about here next? Is there something that you do on a daily basis that helps you with self love and self esteem? I would love to hear from you, drop it in the comments. It just might help someone else.
What I do daily to help with self love and self esteem.
Let me share some daily steps and part of my daily routine that has really helped me increase this area. I mentioned meditation. Meditation has been absolutely amazing for me. I’ve now been meditating every day for maybe a year and a half and I started with Dr Joe Dispenza’s morning meditation, which is 23 minutes. That was very difficult. I did that every day for months and let me tell you, I did it wrong every day for months. It took me a while to first tame the body and just let it know, “hey, we’re not lying down. We’re not going to sleep or staying awake, we’re staying focused.” Then it was fighting the mind, that monkey- the chatter. Right. To calm that monkey mind, to calm that chatterbox, that took a good amount of time to and but now it’s something that I went from, 23 minutes a day to now every day, I’m doing a minimum 90 minutes. It’s something that there’s just nothing I would trade for that time. It’s such a sacred time. It’s such a powerful time to just calm the mind, calm the body, focus on intention, and it just feels really, really good. It’s such a great self love practice of you taking time for yourself to become the best version of yourself, for yourself and for everybody else.
I’ve been speaking on different stages now for 10, 12 years and recently I spoke at an event in Dallas called ANMP. At the ANMP, I spoke there in front of people who’ve seen me speak for 10 years and it was amazing how many people came up to me and said, “Whoa, man, you’ve really grown.” Well guess what, I didn’t take any speech classes. I didn’t go back to Toastmasters. I didn’t do any of that stuff. I have just worked on myself through meditation, etc.
The second thing that I do every single day is I do some form of exercise. Richard Branson was asked what’s the most productive thing that anyone could do? And he said exercise. So of all the things, billionaire Richard Branson, of all the things he said you could do like time management, or study or whatever, he said, exercise because it gets blood flowing through the body and really helps you…preventing sickness, etc.
The third thing that I do and I do this one at night is every night before bed, I set my intentions. I have a visualization process, because when you go to bed, you’re kicking in that subconscious and I want to make sure I’m telling the subconscious, the co creator of my reality, that I’m telling it what I actually want in my life.
Will you embrace those three exercises, those three steps every single day? If you do, you’re going to see a drastic change in your life.
One more tip.
One way to improve not just self love, self esteem, but happiness and joy in your life is through gratitude. We have a very cool gratitude journal that helps you on a daily basis, increase and journal more things that you’re grateful for in your life. It really forces you to uplevel how grateful you’re being and if you increase your gratitude, you’re going to have more things show up in your life that will make you more grateful. Here is the link, rankmakershop.com/pro… Just click that link if you would like to learn more about our gratitude journal.