Confidence Leads To Success | Draw The Right Conclusion To Success

Confidence leads to success, and a lack of confidence leads to weak goals, setting the bar too low, and mediocre results. In today’s topic, Ray will discuss how to use that confidence to bring in the results you want and succeed.

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Draw The Right Conclusion To Success

Ray Higdon: We have inner circle client Roberta Collins. Roberta, how are you?

Roberta Collins: I’m fine. Thank you.

Ray Higdon: All right. Awesome. Well welcome. Excited to work with you and see how we can help you. So tell me a little bit, where are you at. Where are you at right now?

Roberta Collins: Right now, I want to build a team. I have a team, but I want to grow my team, I should say. But every time I recruit someone, I step back and I don’t do anything for months. I can recruit them in and then I don’t, I just stop. I mean, I want to do it again in, but I don’t until some later time and then I’ll do it again. So I don’t–

Ray Higdon: Right. Is there anything that triggers you doing it again? So you recruit someone, you hide out, and then is there anything that triggers you to do it again? Or is that just randomly or what do you think?

Roberta Collins: I think if they approach me or if they say something to me, then I have the green light. If they say something first.

Ray Higdon: Do you mean the person you recruited or a prospect?

Roberta Collins: The prospect.

Ray Higdon: So just some other random prospect, if they say something to you, you’ll recruit them?

Roberta Collins: Yes.

Ray Higdon: Okay. So let me ask you this. If you had someone asking you every single day, if you had a different person asking you every single day, would you just recruit them all or what would happen?

Roberta Collins: I probably would recruit them all.

Ray Higdon: Okay. It sounds like maybe how you’ve gotten your recruit so far as you reached out to them?

Roberta Collins: I have reached out to them, yes.

Ray Higdon: So you reach out to them, you get someone to say yes, then you stop reaching out?

Roberta Collins: Yes.

Ray Higdon: Okay. So I can tell you that what I’ve found is people that struggle with consistency, it’s almost always because they draw the wrong conclusion to success. There’s something about success that they are worried will harm them. There’s a lot of different reasons that I’ve seen over the years. So do you have this pattern only in network marketing or do you have it in other things?

Roberta Collins: No, just my business.

Ray Higdon: Okay.

Roberta Collins: In network marketing.

Ray Higdon: Do you have a job right now or no?

Roberta Collins: Yes, I do.

Ray Higdon: How do you do there? You feel pretty good about that?

Roberta Collins: Yes. I create online courses.

Ray Higdon: Okay. So you work for someone that creates online courses or you create your own?

Roberta Collins: No, I personally, I create online courses for my company, for my employer.

Ray Higdon: For your employer. Okay. So you’re not really doing the selling. You’re creating, they go and sell it. Roberta Collins: Right.

Ray Higdon: Okay.

Roberta Collins: But just to give you another side of it, I used to be successful and another business over 20 years ago.

Roberta Collins: When I moved to Florida, my then husband was very… Oh, he didn’t care that I was successful. He just was on me all the time until I just quit. I walked away.

Ray Higdon: So you walked away from the business. Did you walk away from the husband?

Roberta Collins: No, just the business.

Ray Higdon: Okay. So this probably, at least in my experience, it usually stems from something that happened earlier. But if we just take what you just said, if you draw the conclusion that if I create success, I’m just going to have to walk away anyway, the natural conclusion is why bother? Do you see what I mean? If you create this, if I reach this right here, then there’s going to be problems so let’s just not reach this right here. The way to not reach this right here is just, don’t be consistent. You’ll never reach that. How does that sound?

Roberta Collins: Sounds similar to me.

Ray Higdon: Yeah. I mean, usually this comes from something that you observed earlier, right? So what’s really common is if you saw a parent or a grandparent, uncle, if you saw a family member succeed and then lose it all, that stays with us. The way for you not to lose it all is just don’t gain it all. That’s the only guarantee, because there is no guarantee as you win that that won’t come out from under you. So the only way to guarantee not lose big is just don’t win big. Then there’s nothing to really lose. Did you see any family members or people close to you that succeeded and then lost it when you were younger?

Roberta Collins: Not that I can really recall, but when I thought about it today, this morning when I was thinking about it, I was talking to my mom and she died while I was talking to her, and then my aunt said, oh, that I never was going to be anything. I never was going to do anything or be anybody because I would just have babies.

Ray Higdon: That’s what your aunt said you. Is she the one that started taking care of you after your mom?

Roberta Collins: No, my dad took care of me and then he remarried shortly afterwards. I had a stepmom who had two daughters, but they would get everything and I would get the hand me downs and I didn’t get to places, only they got to go places and do things. I tried to tell my dad and he didn’t believe me. So I just kept quiet about it. So we were doing good. Everything was going good. Even though I wasn’t being treated right. I was doing good. My dad had a great job. He was doing all he could for this new wife and I just saw it as they had everything and I didn’t have anything.

Ray Higdon: Did you try hard as a kid to try to show them that you were good?

Roberta Collins: Yes. I started work when I was 13. I just worked like whatever I can do. I went to school, went to college. I did everything that I could to show them that I am going to be somebody, but I always felt that I was lacking somewhere. So my husband who you said did I walk with away from, eventually, yes, I eventually walked away from him. Well, actually he walked away from me. So I just always feel like I’m always in the background trying to catch up, trying to put my best foot forward, so.

Ray Higdon: You’re trying to–

Roberta Collins: If I don’t recruit anybody, then I wouldn’t have to pass that on to them.

Ray Higdon: Say that again.

Roberta Collins: If I recruit someone I think about I don’t want to pass that on them.

Ray Higdon: Pass what onto them?

Roberta Collins: That feeling of I’m never going to get anywhere. I don’t want them to feel that they’re not going to get anywhere.

Ray Higdon: Because that’s how you were made to feel and you’re rebelling against that. So I’m sorry you went through that. You didn’t deserve that and that sucks. With your experiences, it’s very easy to draw the conclusion of not just what you just said, which I’ll come back to, but why bother? Hey, I tried like hell as a kid, I tried like hell as a young adult, I tried like hell here and what did it get me? Why bother? So there’s a quote that I often go to. I just talked about it today actually. I don’t want to butcher it so [inaudible].

So Brene Brown, you either walk inside your story and own it or you stand outside your story and hustle for your worthiness. So you’ve been hustle for your worthiness, but then also it’s like, well, why bother because it’s not going to work out anyway? It never does.

I can identify with one thing that you said of you never felt, you didn’t say the word, but for me it was, I never felt like a priority. So my whole life, I projected that onto every relationship I ever had, including Jess up until just the last, I just realized this and learned this six months ago, so even up to six months ago, I was still projecting this. The way that I handled it was, you know what, I’m not the priority, but that’s okay. I’ll work hard. I’ll hold up my end of the bargain, but it’s okay that I’m not the priority.

The problem is you find what you seek, you find… If you’re looking for that, you’ll find proof every time. But it just doesn’t serve you. It’s like we’re fighting for this contest to win this contest that is a terrible contest, right? Let me prove why it’s not going to work out. Let me prove why I’m not the priority.

So you can live inside your story and what that would look like is you being willing to share what you went through and that would actually bring hope to people, that would actually bring inspiration to people and to a lot of people that don’t believe they can succeed or don’t believe that they can achieve, that it would actually inspire them. I don’t know. Were you able to catch Rank Makers Live? Did you catch that at all?

Roberta Collins: Yes.

Ray Higdon: So Hank did a great job of talking about this in that you speak to the person, you speak to you, right, what did you need to hear, right. Even in this moment, right, what did you need to hear? You’re thinking about that person of that person that has hustled for their worthiness their whole life only to never get satisfaction to get, hey, that was worth it, to only draw the conclusion of why bother. So you can speak to that person, you can think about that person as you build your business. I had a lot of things not work out. I mean, I went through a divorce. I was engaged, disengaged. I mean, I failed.

Here’s all the things I failed at. I mean, I failed at a dozen network marketing companies before I became the number one income earner of one. I failed at a title company. I failed in mortgage. I failed in real estate. I failed in advertising. I’m sure I’m forgetting a few because I just blocked them out or something. But the are so many things that I failed at. The reality is that doesn’t have to be a life sentence. You not reaching the life that you really want and deserve, you can do that. It doesn’t have to be a life sentence, that because we didn’t get treated the way we should have been treated as a kid means we’re doomed. Does that make sense?

Roberta Collins: Yes.

Ray Higdon: So you can create a whole new future. You can start, you can embrace the concept that you can create anything that you want. With that awareness of now I understand why maybe I’ve sabotaged or maybe why I wasn’t so consistent, with that awareness, you’re now no longer on autopilot. So I was coaching one of our inner circle coaches, not yours, but a different one, and so I made her aware that the reason she doesn’t like recognition is because she draws negative associations because of her older sibling and younger sibling. She’s a middle child.

So if you grow up as a child, whether you’re the youngest, oldest, middle, whatever, and you getting attention creates pain for one of the siblings, then you’re going to draw recognition equals pain. So you’ll actually sabotage yourself. She asked me a question. She said, “Well, how I change this in my subconscious?” Once you’re aware of it, it’s not just in your subconscious now. You’re aware of it. So now you’re aware, oh, this is why I’ve stopped being consistent. Does that make sense first of all? Are you aware now?

Roberta Collins: Yes.

Ray Higdon: Because before, you’re probably on autopilot. You’re like, “Why? I just don’t feel like doing it. I’m not doing it. I don’t know why.”

Roberta Collins: Right.

Ray Higdon: That’s where most people are. Most people have absolutely no idea why they’re not consistent. So they buy another journal. They buy another course. They do something else. They get new refrigerator magnets. They write new affirmations. But if you’re not aware of what the core reason is why you’re not consistent, then you’re just going to stay in that program no matter how many trinkets and crystals and things that, whatever, it just doesn’t matter.

Once you get aware, now you have a choice, now you can say and you’ll feel, you’ll most likely, it’s very likely you’ll still feel that muscle, right? You’ll recruit somebody and then be like, you’ll feel that muscle, but you’ll know why and you can make a different choice. Is that helpful?

Roberta Collins: Yes.

Ray Higdon: You think, you feel like you can do it? You feel like you can recruit someone and stay on the horse?

Roberta Collins: Yes.

Ray Higdon: Because I just think if you look at the comments, I don’t know if you can see them or not, but if you go back and look at the replay and look at the comments, there’s a lot of people that are inspired by you, a lot of people that are telling you that you didn’t deserve that, because you absolutely didn’t. You said something of, I forget how you worded it, but a lot of times people that have been through a type of abuse, which that is a type of abuse, right? Some of us get the physical abuse, some of us get the psychological abuse, some of us get both, and a lot of people that go through abuse, we, I say me, right, you start to think that you’re the one broken, you’re the one that’s messed up. You’re not the one that’s messed up.

The people that parented you and gave you advice, they did the best they could with what they knew based on their experiences. I’ve heard horrible, horrible things. Again, it’s based on what that person knew based on their experiences. They did the best they could. There are some people out there that they only have experienced cruelty. They’ve only experienced not lifting other people up, not caring. So just know that you’re not broken. You didn’t deserve it. Your story can inspire people. It has tonight.

The more that you stay consistent and start creating more results, the more people you will inspire and that will… Then one day you’ll look and be like, “Man, I remember the day when I thought I wasn’t good enough. But now all these people I’ve helped, all these people that are thanking me on social media, that are thanking me from stage, that are succeeding, it’ll really feel good and it’s a long time coming.”

Roberta Collins: I accept it.

Ray Higdon: So helpful? Do you feel good for it?

Roberta Collins: Yes, I do. I was listening to some things today and I was like, “Oh wow. I mean, that was really kind of like a light bulb.” Then of course I was like, “Should I go on here? Should I coach it Ray or not?” I almost changed my mind.

Ray Higdon: That’s that’s the identity. We have an addiction to our identity, of how big we play, how we show up, how consistent we are, what we think of ourselves. When we start to enter into a realm that challenges that identity, it is a struggle. You’re fighting a bucking bronco. It wants to stay the same because it sees that if I stay the same, I’ll be safe. At least I know this world. It’s not the world I want. It’s not my potential, but at least I know it. I can’t get hurt that bad. If I don’t have any expectations, then you can’t really hurt me much. It wants to keep us safe.

So it’s very common for us to sabotage that next move or at least ponder sabotaging, which you didn’t sabotage, you showed up tonight and this just wouldn’t have happened if you weren’t ready for that, for the transformation, if you weren’t ready to, like Joe Dispenza says, cross the stream and enter that new identity. So I think you’re going to inspire a lot of people with this and I appreciate you playing big and being vulnerable on here.

Roberta Collins: Thank you for having me.

Ray Higdon: For sure. Well, we’re rooting for you and I know Forrest is too, that’s your coach, right? Forrest?

Roberta Collins: Yes.

Ray Higdon: Yeah. He’s in the comments. He’s rooting for you. He’s probably crying right now. Wipe those tears Forrest. Step it up. But we’re rooting for you Roberta, really proud of you and make sure you go back and look at these comments because there’s a lot of people rooting for you and we believe in you.

Roberta Collins: Thank you. I’ve never heard that before, that I’m proud of you.

Ray Higdon: We’re proud of you. You’re going to help a lot of people. You’re going to help a lot of people that have had similar circumstances as you, right? They’ve heard similar things. They’ve been told that they wouldn’t out to anything either. I was told that too. So go out there and help them out.

Roberta Collins: Okay.

Ray Higdon: All right.

Roberta Collins: Okay.

Ray Higdon: All right, Roberta. Give Roberta some love. Isn’t she amazing? So awesome. Appreciate you.

Roberta Collins: Thank you.