Today we are going to discuss what if your spouse doesn’t support your business?
First we are going to talk about the number one thing to do if your spouse doesn’t support your business. Next I’m going to give you the very interesting and powerful relation between masculine and feminine energy. Lastly I’m going to give you a mindset hack that is going to completely transform your world.
What is the number one thing to do if your spouse doesn’t support you?
It can be frustrating that you’re with someone, you have this dream and they just don’t support what it is that you’re doing. I remember when I was in real estate and the real estate market changed. I’m in the process of losing everything and at the time had I been through divorced and I was re-engaged. I was engaged to somebody and so I went on the road. I went on the road as a speaker. So 22 days a month, Vegas, Chicago, Phoenix, Miami, LA. I was doing these 90 minute presentations to sell a 7,000 dollar system to a cold audience, a lot of intense stress, all performance based. I’m not paid a dime if I don’t sell and it was my first time ever doing that sort of thing. You had to be on your game. I was flying to the city and lo and behold almost every single time, I would get a nasty text from my fiancé who was upset that I was out of town, I wasn’t there with her and I was leaving her by herself so much. I’m just trying to survive because at that point I’m going into foreclosure. I’m just trying to make things happen. I know what it’s like to have someone that doesn’t support your goals and I truly truly want to help you with that.
I’m going to tell you, this post will challenge you a little bit because the very first thing that you need to do regarding a non-supportive spouse is stop requiring them to support you. Stop having that as a I must have this if I am to succeed. You need to go succeed, you need to go make it happen. I’ve seen a lot of this in the network marketing space. We coach and train a lot of network marketers and over and over and over, I’ve seen the non-supportive spouse play a role but here’s what I’ve never seen. Not one time…I have never seen someone that had a non-supportive spouse go out and crush it and all of a sudden that non-supportive spouse not become a supportive spouse. I’ll give you a give an example. We would do all these vacation incentives when I was building a network marketing team and I was the number one incomer of that company. I would see the non-supportive spouse come on these cruises. We would run these three day cruise, five day cruise, seven day cruises. The non-supportive spouse would come in and day one they’re like “oh, I don’t do this, She does it.” All right. Then day two they’re kind of loosened up and day three they’re like you better win the next one. That’s how it works.
Stop requiring them to support your goals. They’re your goals, they’re your dreams, go make it happen. Pay off his truck. Go make it happen and show that you have what it takes to make it happen whether they support you or not, that’s the very first thing you need to get.
The very interesting and powerful relation between masculine and feminine energy.
Now this is especially for the guys. Okay this is especially for the guys or the masculine energy if we want to say that. A lot of times I’ll have someone come to me and say you know my wife just doesn’t support me, she’s constantly telling me that it’s never going to work out. I need to get a real job or a lot of times it’s of that kind of nature. Here’s what you need to understand, feminine energy cannot trust masculine energy that’s not on purpose. If the masculine energy in the relationship doesn’t have a purpose that they’re going after then the feminine energy cannot trust that person. There’s an amazing book out there called (it’s an interesting title) “The Way of The Superior Man” by David Deida. Look it up. He talks about how if the masculine energy is going to go off to war and because his father did, his grandfather did, he’s being called to war and the wife said no. Don’t go, don’t leave us, stay home. We love you. No, we don’t want anything to happen to you then the person decides not to go to war, the feminine energy can no longer trust that. Can’t trust it, not on purpose. Another thing that’s said in that book is that a good woman will challenge their man and because if you can’t face their challenges, how are you going to face the world?
It’s like a good mom. A good mom will raise kids that can function in the world. They won’t do everything for them, they shouldn’t and they know they shouldn’t. Another example is with the hen and her chick, if the mom cracks the shell of the baby chicken and the baby chicken doesn’t, its neck isn’t strong enough, it’ll die in a couple days. It doesn’t develop the neck muscles. It develops the neck muscles by breaking the shell.
If you have a non-supportive feminine energy (spouse, wife, etc) then it’s very likely that they’re actually a great woman and they’re challenging you to see if you can face their challenges. They’re not challenging you to belittle you, they’re not challenging you to say they don’t you know love you, they’re actually challenging you because they do love you and they want to see that if you can get past that then you have a chance at you know competing in the world, at going and pursuing your actual purpose.
If you’re a guy reading this, if you’re the masculine energy in the relationship then maybe check that premise. Check that premise of could it be that they’re not actually belittling me but they’re actually challenging me and then I need to increase my masculine energy of direction. I need to increase my masculine energy of purpose and direction because that’s very likely the case.
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Here’s a mindset hack that will just transform your world.
This hack is just going to change your life. First I’m going to give you an example. Over a year ago and this is a good topic for this title. Over a year ago I bought ballroom dance lessons for my wife. I wanted to spend more time with her, didn’t know where where it would go or anything like that. I’ve never been a dancer my whole life, I’ve been the guy leaning against the wall and you wouldn’t see me out there on the dance floor. This really got me out of my comfort zone and you’ll see why here shortly. We start dancing, I start going, I want to get good at it. If I’m going to do it, that’s just the way I roll. I don’t want to mildly participate in something. If I’m going to do something, I want to do it well and so I start going to two lessons a week and sometimes it’s with my wife, sometimes it’s just with the instructor just for me to work on mine. She was already naturally gifted like she was in literally everything. It was awesome. Me, I’m like Frankenstein out there and just stomping around and they’re like “Ray, do you hear the beat?” and they’re like “do your hips actually move? Were you in an accident, Ray like I’m not joking here.”
Four months in, two lessons a week. Okay you would think “oh he’s probably pretty good by now.” No. There was a guy that was coming in after me and he was lacing up his shoes and watching me and he was new too and when I finished, he came up to me and he said, “wow, I am so glad I came in early. Man, you just made me feel so much better about myself like wow thanks.”
“Thanks for that buddy. Thanks, appreciate it. Didn’t have to say that…” but I went home that day and I said here I know all this stuff and I preach all this stuff about mindset. About having an unstoppable mindset, about creating in your mind what it is that you want but I wasn’t using it. I was just sitting there saying, “whoa, I’m not very good at dancing….” and that’s just how I showed up. That night I decided to change it so I go home and before I go to sleep, I saw myself as a good dancer. I saw myself just killing it on the floor. I saw me remembering all my moves.
There were two questions that you always want to ask around visualization. Number one I said okay, how would it feel? How would it feel, because you really can’t manifest without emotion, the subconscious only knows emotion, your heart only knows emotion, doesn’t know language. So how would it feel? How would it feel if that was me, if I was really good on the dance floor? I’m like oh man. I feel good, I feel confident. I feel nice. Like man, I would be in my groove. I’d feel awesome. Then I asked myself how would I know it’s true? I’m like okay well if it was true then people would be giving me compliments. What would they say? I saw my dance instructor say, “wow, impressive.” This is all in my mind guys. Next I saw the dance studio owner Irina (who’s from Russia), say, “very much improved” which is about the best compliment you’ll ever get from her. I go into the dance lessons (I believe it was three or four days later) I do something for Irina, a salsa move and she looks and she goes “very much improved,” verbatim. You get goosebumps there. I mean verbatim now she had never said anything like this to me before. I do another I don’t know, I don’t remember what I did for Victoria and she goes “wow, impressive.” Verbatim. Same, exact same.
Why am I telling you this? I’m telling you this because you can create a new reality and you are a co-creator.
The things that you feel and the emotions you hold on to most, you’re going to experience those things. What does that have to do with you? I want you to see your spouse applauding you, see your spouse saying words of gratitude, see your spouse saying things to you that would just light your fire, that would just get you excited, that would get you fired up and ask yourself the two questions. Create a statement or a question or something. Create something specific, a specific phrase…“hey babe, looking good.” “Hey you know what? I’m so proud of you.” Create some phrase that’s meaningful to you and in your mind, ask yourself how would it feel if they said this and number two, how would I know it’s true and see them in your mind saying that.
By the way just to fast forward, a few months ago my wife and I placed first place in two different dances at a very large competition in our division in Miami. My instructors told me, “there was this one day you weren’t really getting very good, Ray. You weren’t really improving much and then one day you’re just like whoa and like a hockey stick.” You can do that in your life. Start to see things as if as you really want them to be. Feel it, how would you know it’s true and you follow that instruction, you’re going to change your life.
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