Today Ray teaches about how to overcome upper limit beliefs and breakthrough things from your past that are holding you back from reaching the success you are able to reach in your business.
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Ray Higdon: So tell me where are you’re at? How can I help?
Kirsten: Well, so I’ve been in business for quite a while. And I feel like I am learning through a lot of what you have been teaching and so forth about how to deal with some of your limiting beliefs, and also to think about what you have believed, maybe something from your past. And so, I’ve been working very much on affirmations and getting my words straight and all of that good stuff. But I do feel like there’s this lid, there’s this ceiling. And so, in talking or in thinking about even how I was raised and so forth, I feel like I definitely have some limiting beliefs around my dad being a traditional business owner and things like that. And so, I know that I need to break through a wall somewhere.
Ray Higdon: So are you finding that you’ve gotten to a place and you can’t get past that place? What do you see? Do you see a pattern?
Kirsten: Well, yeah. I think that for the most part, I have learned the skills of the business. But I’ve also learned and how to personally develop myself and do those pieces. And I’m not at a high level of business, which isn’t really the point. But there’s this lid that’s sitting right there. And I’m thinking, this isn’t matching up. My personal development and my beginning of work ethic as I’m being coached, it’s not starting to work up. And it’s not even just looking at results, I can feel something that I just need to, like there’s something that needs to just come off, I guess is maybe what I’m saying.
Ray Higdon: Okay. So you said, looking at your dad that was a traditional business owner. Describe what do you mean by that? what did you observe?
Kirsten: So, my whole life, he was an entrepreneur. He had traditional businesses. He owned restaurants and other business centers. But he was never successful. And he just worked really, really hard all the time and ended up with health issues, and then not living past 63. And then I had a brother that had a lot of addiction. His life was quite tragic actually. But there was a lot of attention that went there as we were growing up. And so maybe there was never any teaching of business, or I’m not really even sure if that’s the piece. But definitely, I feel like I have started a new season in my life. And so, I want to run with that season. And if there are limiting beliefs, I want to dump those. But I do feel like, maybe in my head I think, you have to work on a hamster wheel, and for what?
Ray Higdon: Sure. So how was your relationship with your dad?
Kirsten: It was sweet, but it wasn’t close. It was just, daddy’s girl for sure. But he was always working.
Ray Higdon: And do you have kids?
Kirsten: I do. I have three adult children.
Ray Higdon: Yeah. And good relationships?
Kirsten: Yeah. I changed that.
Ray Higdon: What do you mean?
Kirsten: Well, just meaning that what we ended up doing was that we did something completely different. We actually homeschooled. And so we have a different relationship as a family unit.
Ray Higdon: Gotcha. And they’re all out of the house now? Adult, you say?
Kirsten: They are.
Ray Higdon: Okay. What did you do as a career while they were growing up?
Kirsten: I basically was a stay-at-home mom. And then when we lost everything in 2008, which you would understand. Between 2008 and 2010, we lost everything. My husband and I did. And then we began to start in business. And then, because we are rebuilding a retirement, basically, is a piece of the puzzle.
Ray Higdon: Gotcha.
Kirsten: So I did have to go back to work, I guess, is what my answer was for that. I did end up going to work after we lost everything, to answer your question.
Ray Higdon: In 2008-ish?
Ray Higdon: How old was the youngest in 2008, 2009?
Kirsten: He was a freshman in high school.
Ray Higdon: Okay. All right. So to me, it sounds like two things. One, we rebel against our experience as a kid and go the totally opposite way. Or we fight like hell to try to be them. So it sounds to me like you’ve rebelled to go the opposite way of, I’m going to have a really close relationship with my kids and da, da, da. And it would’ve been interesting if you had worked during that time. The fact that you didn’t, leads me to the second part, which is, you think being a business owner, you’re going to work like hell and it’s not going to matter anyway, so why bother?
Ray Higdon: And so, it seems to me like you believe that so strongly that it was no problem to not work during the kids because it’s like, well, it wouldn’t matter anyway. So let’s just focus in on the kids so I can solve that wound from my childhood and have a close relationship. And so now that you’re stepping into business, you’re feeling that muscle. So it’s good that you’re not fighting the two battles of close relationship. That’s solved, right? Because if not, you would be facing two battles, why bother? And I’m not going to have a close relationship with my kids. So two battles definitely harder than one. So the one battle you’re facing is, me doing the work. If I just work my face off and die early and have health issues, then why the hell am I doing this kind of thing? And just know that your observations as a kid isn’t a life sentence. It isn’t something that this is, for the family of Kirsten, this is how it shall be. You can change that at any point. And if we can associate your desire for closeness with the kids, you could actually inspire them. It would be extremely inspiring for them to see you do two amazing things, create close relationship with the kids, and build a business. That would be extremely inspiring. So if you can associate that thing that’s so important to you, which is that relationship with your kids and inspiring them, and being a good model for them. If you can associate that with growing this business, then you’re very much more likely to make it happen.
Kirsten: Yeah. I totally agree with that. That’s great. Are there ways that you do that? Do you just continue on the road of, how do you do that? Do you just continue to visualize that?
Ray Higdon: First is awareness. Most people, they’re not aware of their emotions. They’re not aware of why they’re not consistent, of why they think a certain way. There’s just no awareness. With no awareness, you’re on autopilot. You’re just being driven around by your emotions. And you’re driven around by your subconscious. You have no choice because you’re not aware. So you’re aware now. So with awareness, you can see it. For me, one of my programs was, I loved being doubted so I could prove someone wrong. So if someone said I can’t do that, that would make me want to do it even more even if I didn’t want to do it. So I was on autopilot. I don’t think you can whittle. Oh yeah? I’ll show you. And I whittle a stick real quick, even though I don’t want to whittle.
And that actually is what happened in my life. For six years, I went into the computer industry, didn’t even computers. But one of my friends said there’s no way I could ever do it. I’ll show you. And I wasn’t doing it consciously. It’s not like I am doing this to prove him wrong. It’s this just blood just creates and this hormones and everything. And I went for the next six years in computers. And so, people don’t know why they do stuff. They don’t know why they make decisions.
With awareness, I still feel it. I still have that in my hormones or whatever genes or whatever you call it. So when someone doubts me, I still feel it. But I can look at it and say, got it. I’m listening. Do I want to do it? Nah. I can decide not to accept that program, even though the program will always pop up. If I feel like I’m being doubted, it’ll pop up. Show them. Show them, Ray, show them. And I’ll be like, eh, in this case I don’t really care. It’s fine. Thanks though. High five. And so with awareness, I can choose. I can drive the car now. And so, that would be number one.
Number two would be to focus on, and this is, if you’re not aware, if you read your standard visualization books and self-help books, they tell you focus on what you want. And that’s a good idea. But if you focus on what you want without being aware of who’s actually driving, it’s not helpful because the programs will always override that external kind of thing. So now that we’re aware, oh, okay. It’s because I think it doesn’t matter and why bother? Got it. Well, you know what? I don’t have to die young. I don’t have to have health issues. I already have a close relationship with my kids. And I can create whatever business I want. So thank you. Now you can focus on what you want.
And what I would suggest is, just based on your programming, learn to use your programs. You can be aware of them. You can’t eliminate them, but you can be aware of them and you can use them. So here’s how you would use them. I would come up with ideas on, if I do X in business, then we’re going to do a family trip to blank. How does that feel?
Ray Higdon: So now we’re taking our program, got to have a close relationship with the kids, and we’re building a connection. And so for example, I can give you several examples. We did a family cruise. We rented one of my buddy’s yachts. It was like a hundred foot yacht. Me and Jess and some of her family went on it, and it was a blast. We went to The Bahamas. We went and visited, I now forget it, Fort Jefferson, I think. I forget. But we went to all these different places in the Caribbean. It was awesome. Lot of fun. So you can associate, hey, you know what, let me look at the comp plan. Let me look at, because you’re in network marketing, I assume.
Kirsten: Yeah. Yep.
Ray Higdon: So let me look at the comp plan. And what’s a rank that maybe makes, I don’t know, 3,000 a month, 4,000 a month? Do you know?
Kirsten: Yeah. Do you want me to name it?
Ray Higdon: Sure.
Ray Higdon: Platinum. So when I hit platinum, I’m going to book us a family trip. And then say, okay, where would we go? You know what, it’d be really cool to visit our hometown or whatever. You come up with that plan. But it could be, you’re going into the mountains. I don’t know where you live, but it could be you going into the city. But I would say, okay, when I hit platinum, we’re going to do this family trip and that’s going to be so awesome. We’re going to Airbnb this epic house, it’s going to be really cool. So I would just build that association. And this shouldn’t be that difficult, especially because the kids are adults.
Ray Higdon: How do you feel about that?
Kirsten: I like that a lot. I do. That’s perfect.
Ray Higdon: And because of your programming, I don’t think there’s any worry about this. But for, really, I don’t know how else to say this. But when someone is a super masculine energy, whether they’re female or not, masculine energy, alpha dog, alpha leader, a lot of times they won’t keep their promises to themselves on celebration. And so they’ll go from goal to goal, to goal, to goal, to goal. They’ll never actually do the thing that they said they would do at platinum. You know what I’m saying? I’m not worried about that with you. A lot of people should worry about that because that’s actually how you do things like what you experienced with your dad.
Kirsten: Got it.
Ray Higdon: It is that there’s always something to do. And there’s no reason to celebrate because there’s something to do. I don’t have time to celebrate because there’s something to do. There’s always something to do. I mean, we leave today for Disney. I got all kinds of shit I need to be doing, but we’re leaving for Disney anyway. That’s what’s happening. Tomorrow is Sabrina’s birthday. So I’m telling myself it’ll be fun. Disney.
Kirsten: It’ll be fun for her.
Ray Higdon: It’ll be fun for her, for sure. For sure. And so I would. And I would associate, what’s that next rank? What’s that next rank? You have your company comp plan, then you have your comp plan. Your comp plan is, platinum means this. Whatever the next thing, means this. This means this. And it keeps getting better and better and better and better. Do you have grandkids now?
Kirsten: One. Seven months.
Ray Higdon: Seven months old. So again, just to play off our program, I would say, at platinum, I’m putting 500 bucks in the grandkid’s safety deposit box or savings account or life insurance. Life insurance can be an investment too, just so you know. And so, at this level I’m putting 2000 in. At this level, I’m putting 50,000 bucks in. Or at this level, I’m giving her a Bitcoin. A girl or boy? Did you say girl or boy?
Kirsten: Boy. I did not say. It’s a boy.
Ray Higdon: All right. So you’re giving him a Bitcoin or whatever. So I would have company comp plan, your comp plan. And so now you’re drawing both the positive, but also the negative of, if I don’t do this, we ain’t going to North Carolina. If I don’t do this, then she ain’t getting that Bitcoin or he ain’t getting that Bitcoin. You see what I mean? So I would have that comp plan, your comp plan. Your comp plan, more important.
Kirsten: I like that a lot. A lot. Thank you. That’s perfect.
Ray Higdon: Helpful? Do you feel like that can help you move forward?
Kirsten: Absolutely. And that is literally my reason for building business. So that is a perfect connection.
Ray Higdon: Yeah. And it’s a rebellion against your childhood, but you know what? Used properly, who cares? It’s not like you have to alter that and wipe that clean or something. It’s okay. If you use it powerfully, then go with that flow, that flow of what is it that is really important to you and associate that. And you’ll impact a whole bunch of people. We’re not even talking about, you hit platinum, you’re impacting all kinds of people. You’re getting all kinds of people great products or service or whatever you do. You’re in Jesse’s team or?
Kirsten: I am not. I just listen to her podcast.
Ray Higdon: Oh, okay. Yeah. She’s awesome. She’s amazing.
Kirsten: I know. And I didn’t even cry or anything. This is really good.
Ray Higdon: I know. We didn’t need to get there, I guess. We didn’t need to get there. How long have you been in the business now?
Kirsten: 10 years.
Ray Higdon: So you’ve been in the same network marketing company for 10 years?
Ray Higdon: Okay. And what rank are you at? Rough estimate, are you making some money or?
Kirsten: Yeah, absolutely. Making money for a long time. But not at the beginning of where we would like to start.
Ray Higdon: Sure. So probably would’ve been helpful to have this earlier, this conversation.
Kirsten: Right. Oh yeah, for sure.
Ray Higdon: But I feel like where you’re at, I think this is the next step for you. And then I would just keep, just an advanced kind of tip, only because I feel like you’re ready for this. So when you have that association, see yourself as having taken that vacation already. See yourself as it’s already happened. See yourself as whatever. See as your wish fulfilled, which Neville Godard talks about. And so, I think you’re good to go. We didn’t have to beat you up too much.
Kirsten: Very good. It’s a good day. Thank you so much.
Ray Higdon: Yeah. Keep me in the loop. Let me know how things are going. And rock on. We’re rooting for you.
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