You’ve been told to warm people up before you pitch. To build rapport. To play the long game.
Here’s the uncomfortable truth: when it comes to cold outreach on social media, that advice is costing you sales.
Why “Build Relationships First” Backfires Online
Ray Higdon has asked this question in front of crowds of hundreds, thousands, even ten thousand people:
If a stranger reaches out to you on social media, do you want them to (a) build rapport first, or (b) get to the point?
Not once has anyone chosen option A.
Nobody wants compliments from someone they don’t know. Nobody wants to be kept guessing about what the other person actually wants. People want honesty. And honesty builds trust faster than pretending you’re not selling.
Posture Check: The moment you beat around the bush with a stranger online, you’ve already lost credibility. Get to the point.
This isn’t universal. In person, rapport-building makes complete sense. You’re there, they’re there, questions flow naturally. But online cold outreach operates by a completely different set of rules.
When you try to fake a relationship before making your ask, prospects feel it. They sense the inauthenticity. And that’s exactly why your DMs aren’t converting.
The Real Key to Sales: Solve Problems
Strip away every sales framework and one principle remains: solve problems.
You don’t need a deep relationship to sell something. You need to solve a problem the other person actually has. Think about the last time you bought something from someone you barely knew. If they solved your problem, you bought. Relationship depth was secondary.
This is the shift. Stop trying to build rapport and start focusing on the problem-solving nature of your product, service, or opportunity.
When you lead with problems, you lead with relevance. And relevance earns attention faster than small talk ever will.
Posture Check: You are not trying to be liked. You are trying to be useful. Useful people get paid.
Two Things Every Cold Outreach Message Needs
When reaching out to someone you don’t know on social media, Ray keeps it simple. Every message needs two things.
Number one: Quickly tell them what you want and how it may help them.
No preamble. No fake compliments. State what you represent and what problem it solves. The faster you get to the point, the more you respect their time, and the more they respect you.
Number two: Tell them why them specifically.
Generic messages get ignored. Personalized ones get responses. Ray uses three targeting methods: occupation, location, and intelligent comment. Each one signals that you actually looked at who they are before reaching out.
Intelligent comment is particularly powerful. Reference something specific from their profile or content. It shows you did the homework without faking a friendship.
Posture Check: A message that respects someone’s time and explains why you reached out will always outperform one that tries to “build rapport” first.
When Should You Build Relationships with Cold Prospects?
Here’s Ray’s counterintuitive answer: after they’ve told you no.
Once they’ve said no, they know what you’re after. Now you’re being honest. Now the relationship-building is genuine. Trying to build a relationship before the ask feels manipulative because it is. They can sense you have an agenda, and the lack of transparency is what creates distance.
Skip the charade. Get to the point. Build the relationship from a place of honesty, not strategy.
Too many network marketers are sitting back, waiting for their attraction marketing to kick in and deliver leads. That’s fine as a long-term play. But it is not an excuse to stop reaching out today.
You can build your marketing pipeline and work cold outreach at the same time. The reps who figure out how to do both, who master the posture of a postured, direct communicator and also generate leads, are the ones making it onto company leaderboards.
Stop waiting. Start solving problems. Get to the point.
Your Move
The next message you send to a cold prospect: ditch the warm-up, skip the flattery, and lead with the problem you solve and why you chose them specifically.
That’s the approach that built six and seven-figure results. It’s not comfortable at first. But neither is watching your inbox stay empty while you wait for rapport to magically turn into revenue.
