Get Over What People Think
Today Ray speaks on how to get over what people think. Having a business on social media could be daunting when worrying about what others will think when posting content.
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Laser Coaching With Jennie Potter
Ray Higdon: So I’m going to be coaching one of our Inner Circle coaches. That program is designed to help network marketers get to a 100K a year. And so, sometimes they’re coaching someone that’s already there, but most of the times, it’s helping someone to get there. And so, this is a very, very important part of the Higdon Group. We’ve been working with this concept for five or six years now, and that program has helped a lot of people, so it really means a lot to me. I have one of my very favorite people on the planet earth, and it is Inner Circle coach, Jennie Potter. Jennie, how are you?
Jennie Potter: Hey, hey, hey. Good, thank you. Thanks for having me, Ray. This is awesome.
Ray Higdon: Yay. So talk to me, first, let’s just talk about how did you go about becoming an Inner Circle coach with us? Let’s talk about that first.
Jennie Potter: Sure. Yeah. So I jumped into Inner Circle coaching and had coach [Kaylee] work with me, and I really-
Ray Higdon: So just to clarify, you jumped in as a student?
Jennie Potter: As a student. Yes, absolutely. So I jumped in as a student, and coach Kaylee really helped me get on track with how I was showing up daily. So before that, I was kind of just really randomly, I was showing up, I was running hard, but I wasn’t showing up in any kind of… There was no structure. There was no method to the madness, and I didn’t know what worked or why it worked, I was just running and reacting. And so, Kaylee really helped me get a system in place so that I could show up consistently, and that was really powerful. Within a short amount of time in working with Kaylee, I got my first car bonus ever, I bumped up my earnings, and got on the top of the leaderboard, and it’s just been awesome ever since. So super powerful. I love the Inner Circle coaches, and we’re all still coaching each other too.
Ray Higdon: Awesome. Yeah, and you’ll see that the majority, I think there may be one exception, the majority of our Inner Circle coaches are products of the product. They came through Inner Circle as a student, achieved some results, we resonated with them, and they wanted to coach more people, and so, it’s pretty neat. All right. So I’m definitely game. I believe you want to chat about how to help some of your clients, and I’m open to that. I’m open if you have some stuff you want to discuss, I’m open to that too. Sometimes I’m coaching the coach to help them with their clients, sometimes I’m coaching directly, and I don’t know anyone that was on Clubhouse today, I coached one of Jennie’s clients, Andy [Bearden], who did an amazing job. Make sure you give him a shout-out if you know him, or tag him or something, but he did an amazing job, very vulnerable, and sometimes it’s hard. Sometimes when coaching the dudes, they don’t open up, so I can’t really go very deep with them, but he was willing to go there, and so, big, big shout-out to Andy. It’s Bearden, right.
Jennie Potter: Yes, that’s right.
Ray Higdon: Okay.
Jennie Potter: Yeah.
Ray Higdon: Because I hear that name, I think [Riordan], which is one of my heroes. So Bearden, Got it. All right. So Jennie, what do you want to talk about?
Jennie Potter: Well, first of all, thank you, Ray, because your coaching has really helped me take my own life, personal life and business to the next level, just having that access and connection with you, and listening to you do the Laser Coaching is so powerful for us as coaches, and as network marketers, and personal. So thank you for that, and thanks for this time.
Ray Higdon: [inaudible].
Jennie Potter: One question that comes up that I don’t always know how to navigate, or it seems to keep rearing, so we think we’ve kind of addressed it and then it’ll come up again with multiple clients, is the caring what other people think. So I’m curious your take on that. I always love, you always seem to be able to come at things a slightly different ways. So that caring about what other people think, whether it’s posting on social media, so, “Hey, I my prospecting,” my client might say “I did my prospecting, but I didn’t really post on social media.” “Oh, why not?” “Well, I just don’t really think that people care what I have to say,” or “I’m not sure what to post,” but really, when we dig in, it’s like they’re worried about what people are going to say or think about what they’re posting. And then of course, the same thing with prospecting, or follow-up as well, it comes up in follow-up like, “What if they think I’m pushy? I don’t want to be one of those people.” So really paralyzed or not moving forward because of so much focus on what other people are thinking. So that that’s a long-winded question, but.
Ray Higdon: No. So from my experiences, it’s almost always going to be how they were handled as a kid from their parents. And so, a lot of times, so, you’ve heard the term “strong-willed,” right? And so, a lot of parents, because of how they were raised, if a kid has been raised, because this goes multiple generations, so if a kid has been raised to be seen and not heard, right? “You’re to speak when you’re spoken to,” and “Stop being so loud,” right? And if someone’s been raised that way, and then they have a strong-willed child, they think it’s the most alarming thing on the planet because it’s like, “Oh my God, what do I do here?” And so, they often over-correct and attempt or succeed in breaking the spirit of the child, and that child could go on to cure cancer, or could go on to be an amazing scientist or whatever, but because it’s so chemically different from how they were raised and what they thought a child was supposed to be, it’s an alarmist kind of state. And so, you could be in either one of those scenarios, right?
Maybe you were, I’m not saying you, but maybe the person was raised to be seen, not heard, “You’re to speak when you’re spoken to,” and “Go to your room, you’re talking too much,” or “Be quiet, I’m trying to watch TV.” And so, they were taught to be quiet. So this is the, because when you’re young, all you’re all you’re operating off of is you’re in alpha mode in your brain all the time, and alpha mode is a very suggestible mode. So this is the mode that hypnotists will get you in, so they can make suggestions to you and you can incorporate them. It’s the mode that good meditation will get you in, at least alpha, right? That’s the beginning transformation. And so, as a kid, you’re in alpha mode all the time. You’re not really worried about details, necessarily. You’re just kind of doing your thing and whatever you want. And so, you’re highly suggestible, so when you’re hearing that kind of stuff, you can take that on as, “Oh, this is how I have to be in all of my life, not just as a kid.” And so, bragging, following up with people would be a nuisance to the person that was told to be quiet often. Or again, the person that was a strongwilled child that was maybe not physically, but spiritually beaten down, you’ll find that they do less to express their voice.
And so, those are two common ones. Now, I would have to, for this particular thing, I’d have to even know more or something like that, but that’s where it’s at. It’s in that realm. It’s in that realm of what were you told to be as a kid, and they’re translating that as this other thing. Now, one other factor is, I had a client that she asked me one day, she said, “I think I need help around money mindset,” and she had just crossed a million dollars in her company and I’m like, “Why do you think you need money mindset? Because I’m just curious.” Because most people that cross a million don’t think they need money mindset, so I’m curious why she thinks this. And she said, “Well, I just really hate attention. My company wants to interview me, and they want to put me in a magazine and I’m just like ugh.” And so, when I hear that kind of thing, when it’s attention based, it’s usually based on a sibling. And so, I asked, I’m like, “Hey, do you have siblings?” And she’s like, “Yeah,” and I said, “Did one of you get more attention than the other in a positive way?” And she’s like, “Yeah.” She doesn’t… “Where the hell am I going?” Right? And so, she was the straight A student, her sister was the bad kid. And so, she would be heralded upon on report card day, “Look at her. She’s amazing,” and that same day, her sister would be verbally beaten down. So she built the muscle of “Whenever I get praise, my poor sister gets beaten down,” and that’s carried with her her entire life, and she’s a full grown woman.
And so, the problem with most issues is that we’re drawing the wrong conclusion, but we’re drawing the conclusion we created as a kid in that experience, that may have nothing to do with right now. And so, I would just, until that’s addressed, and I do bring this up because this is a possibility, through different types of hypnosis or different types of meditation, you can actually move these emotions out of your body, but from the little bit of research I’ve done, even with that, if you don’t do the work, it comes back. And so, the work is figuring out which… I know we have a coaching program, right? And I really do want to make people self-sufficient, but I don’t know how to self-diagnose your problem, because your bodymind is trying to protect you at all times. So it takes your reasons for how you show up in the world, and it hides them. It puts them in a little treasure chest in the bottom of the mental basement, in subfloor two, and it buries those things and it doesn’t want you finding them. So it usually takes a third party to say, “Hey, what’s that over there?” “Nothing.” Right? And then you dig in there and find out, “Oh. Oh, oh my God. I never thought of it that way.” And so, that’s the work, is helping them to navigate what is the wrong conclusion they’re currently drawing to them getting more attention? You see what I mean?
Jennie Potter: I do.
Ray Higdon: Because when it comes to posting things on social media, see, some people will prospect privately, and it only hurts so much, right? But if I post publicly, what if it takes off? What if I start getting a lot of attention? And that, to the wrong conclusion, is very, very scary, or very damaging, or very unsafe, or unknown. And so, that would be that one. As far as follow-up, that’s usually just, “I don’t want to be a nuisance.” So, this person may have been told, “Hey, you’re such a pest, stop pestering me. Stop bothering me.” That’s a possibility, or they’re just so terrified of looking bad, and the flip side of that is most people, even people really good at sales, their majority of their sales come from follow-up. And so, that’s kind of the deal that I would find. What conclusion do they not even know that they’re drawing, based on those scenarios?
Jennie Potter: Sure. So, thank you. That’s awesome, and you just connected some dots for me, and I appreciate that. If we were to go a little bit deeper, if you’re cool with it-
Ray Higdon: Sure.
Jennie Potter: … your example was nail on the head for me personally. When I read The Big Leap and went through the questions, I can’t remember which question it was, but I had this memory, very vivid memory of me handing my report card to my father very proudly, and then getting the, “Good girl,” and the affirmation, which is really, still to this day, is sort of my love language. And then my brother, not having a good report card, and the result was very different, and my sort of like, “Oh, no, when I shine.” And I don’t know how old I was, but a vivid memory, when I shined, my brother gets hurt. And so, and then of course, I’ve looked for evidence throughout my life to make that true, to continue to make that true, right? So anytime I’ve done well, I will notice, like if I get an award, I was awarded a company award, instantly next day, wham, prospecting stops, right? Just all activity stops. And so, I’ve gotten quicker at being aware, like when I had that moment of realization, I was like, “Oh, that’s why I stopped for that month before I shifted gears and got back in.” That’s powerful stuff. So how do we, how do I, if we want to be specific, what’s the work that I do to get faster? Because I’m aware now, I’m aware of the shine piece, right? I’m aware, “Oh, when I shine, I pull back. Oh, there I go pulling back.” So, is it just an awareness piece?
Ray Higdon: So I would say it’s two things, and one, being the observer is, so if you purposely want to change something and you’re aware of that thing that you want different in your life, first step is changing your language about it. Okay? If you’re wanting to change something, a pattern, or an addiction to an emotion, which some people are just totally triggered by the word “addiction,” it just means that there’s a pattern that you enter into because you’re used to it, really. I mean, you could say that’s an addiction, right? So we are addicted to our emotions. We’re addicted to our reactions.
And so, when you want to change that kind of thing, when you don’t really know what’s going on, but you know you want to change something, step one is become an observer, right? So you’re now able to observe. So, for up until, let’s see, how long ago was that up? Until the age of 33, 32, I was on autopilot and I was not aware. I had no conscious level understanding of my programming. Someone would say something, I would react, they would challenge me, I would, “I’ll show you.” And so, I would go and do things on autopilot, whether I wanted to or not. I was just, I’m like, “I’m a passenger in this crazy car just driving around.” And so, first is become aware of, “Wait a minute. Why am I doing this? How come I react this way? How come when I accomplish something, I tend to shy back?” And so, I would work on the two sides of it. Right? The good and the bad. So what’s the bad side of it? The bad side of it, and you could actually switch this if you did it cleverly, but the bad side of it is, “Okay, why am I doing this? Who am I protecting, or what am I protecting?” Because it’s always some kind of protection. It’s always, “Let me protect myself from the unknown, protect myself from harm.”
For example, you’ll see, and this isn’t me saying this, right? There’s a lot of articles out there, but there’s a lot of women that if they were sexually abused as a kid, they will purposely carry more weight, right? They’ll purposely eat more, so that they themselves feel unattractive, which they believe makes them less likely to unfortunately, be raped. Right? And so, what are we protecting? What are our mechanisms? What’s going on here? And then drawing the conclusion that, “You know what? I can actually move forward with this and it not hurt me,” or “And it not hurt my brother.” You see what I mean?
Jennie Potter: Yeah.
Ray Higdon: So you have, it’s a very real thing of, if you live in a house with your brother, you get good grades, he does not, or whatever the case, as kids, the person that’s shiny, we don’t like them, right? Goody two shoes, and “Oh, good for you, Ms. Perfect,” right? We don’t like them as kids. That’s just not, “I’m so happy for you.” No brother’s ever going to say that, ever. No sibling is ever going to say that. They’re going to not like you, and that doesn’t feel good. So you think, “If I just dimmer down, then they’ll like me,” which also isn’t the case. Right? That placating, that, “Let me lower myself,” not that you should showboat, especially as a kid, but realizing that those feelings have nothing to do with nowadays. And so, you can shine, and might some people be upset? Sure, but that’s of no doing of you, that’s their doing. And so, I’ll give you the example. So in chapter two, you probably know what I’m going to say, right? But in chapter two, I share a story, and I’m going to greatly condense it here because I think I’ve shared it twice today. But in chapter two, I share how I learned that my social anxiety and my social… I’ve been social distancing since the third grade, right? Mentally, mentally, right?
So I’ve been keeping people at a social distance from me for whatever age is third grade, to two years ago, and the reason was, is because of betrayal. I shared a lot of my abuses with a guidance counselor that was assigned to me, and she betrayed me by telling the abuser what I was telling them, and she thought it was because it was too outrageous. So in third grade, I created this, “I don’t trust people, let me not be betrayed again.” And so, when I became aware of that, so I’m getting, I’m getting to your scenario. So, “Okay. Now I’m aware,” right? So the question is, “Could someone betray me?” Of course. Right? Of course. “And is that possible?” Yes, of course, someone could betray me, and “Okay, what’s the end conclusion?” It’s their loss. I’m here to change the world, man. I’m here to help coaches like Jennie, coaches like Kaylee, coaches like [Forrest], I saw him floating around here. I’m here to help the people I help make a bigger impact.
So I’m here to help you make a bigger impact, and if someone wants to betray that, then that’s their loss. That doesn’t mean I should show up smaller for fear of betrayal. That doesn’t mean I should not try to help as many people become impactors as possible. I know I’m not personally going to impact 10 million people, but indirectly I’m going to help a lot of people go and impact a million lives. I want to help thousands, tens of thousands of people go out and impact a million lives. I want to help tens of thousands of people build schools, and build abuse centers, and orphanages, and I want to impact the impactors. I want to do best I can to help the people I work with, go out there and absolutely change the world through their impact, right? So fear of betrayal seems like this big, doesn’t it? When I speak about it like that.
Jennie Potter: Yeah. Yeah.
Ray Higdon: And so, your story, because I know you’ve had different challenges, and your story could inspire a lot of people. So the bad side of it, again, although I could switch these on you, I could play switcheroo, because I can make the bad the good, the good the bad, but let’s just say the one side of it is, is your brother affected by you shining right now? The answer is no. Okay? So that’s the smaller side, that’s the concern side.
So what’s the upside? The upside is by you shining with the things that you’ve overcome, with the things that you’ve survived, you will be able to impact more people. You will be able to inspire more people. You will be able to have more people come out of their shell. You’ll have more people that had different things they struggled with that see you as a beacon of light, as an inspiration, and so they’ll step up. And so that, to me, false belief about brother being sad because I’m getting the limelight, impacting so many people that are looking for impact in a world where it’s not always so easy to find inspiration, right? With so much negativity around, you know what I mean? So to me, that’s kind of like my, “I could be betrayed though,” right? I’m not going to let that little seed of possibility prevent me from impacting impactors and helping a legion, a battalion of warriors go and change the world.
That just doesn’t make any sense at all. So you have to… Right? You have to blow up the reality that you’re growing into an impacting machine, and that that’s infinitely more important than the people who are going to be sitting mad face because, “Jennie P. got trophies.” Right? You see what I mean? See, I make it ridiculous. I make it ridiculous, and I make this so desirable, and that’s what you have to do, and then it just seems silly not to shine.
Jennie Potter: And what’s so cool, sometimes, I guess there was probably a big portion of my life where I wasn’t aware that that was even a factor, and then now having the awareness and then having that piece that you just talked about, just like, “Okay, so do I want to not shine, because some mystery people out there might get hurt if I show up bigger?” Just asking myself that question, it’s a powerful question, because I don’t think I’m not consciously thinking, “I better not shine,” right? And that’s the thing, is that we’re not conscious.
Ray Higdon: No one consciously thinks that.
Jennie Potter: No one is, no one is, but people are like, “Oh, I don’t think I’ll show up today. I don’t think I’ll show up today. I’m not going to post today,” or whatever it is, “I’m not going to prospect today,” whatever the thing is, and not consciously, but once you’re aware, then you can notice, “Hey, I’m not showing up. Do I want to not show up and not shine today, or do I want to shine?” And I love what you said about impacting lives. So I want to go out there and impact lives, because if anything, Ray, that’s what you’ve helped me connect with is that my mission is to help people step out of their comfort zone, and grow, and shine, be safe to shine, truly shine, and change lives, and live their purpose. So thank you.
Ray Higdon: And by the way, you’re doing that, right? It’s not in the future, you’re doing that.
Jennie Potter: Right.
Ray Higdon: And so, we always like to place all the good things about us in the future, because it’s so far away from us, but you’re doing that. Your boy Andy gave you a shout-out on Clubhouse today, and I hear from your clients all the time. So, you’re doing it, and you’ll continue to do it, and continue to blow it up.
Jennie Potter: Thanks, Ray. Appreciate it.
Ray Higdon: Helpful?
Jennie Potter: Helpful. Super helpful. Thank you.
Ray Higdon: Awesome. We always like to place all the good things about us in the future, because it’s so far away from us, but you’re doing that. Your boy Andy gave you a shout-out on Clubhouse today, and I hear from your clients all the time. So, you’re doing…
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