Change Your Mindset About Yourself

You will need to change your mindset about yourself. Your subconscious is like an attentive lover. If you’re going to your attentive lover and saying, “Hey, I really like it when you talk down to me,” the attentive lover will say, “All right, well, you suck.” If you want good for yourself you’re going to have to say to the attentive lover, “I see myself as successful,” the attentive lover will start buying you motivational posters, will start letting you experience things that make you actually feel better. That’s actually the programming of the subconscious.

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How Your Belief Affects Your Consistency (Laser Coaching with René Miller)

Ray Higdon: Let’s start. First person I saw was Rene’. Rene’, how are you?

Rene’ M.: I’m good. How are you?

Ray Higdon: Good, good. So having a good day so far?

Rene’ M.: Yes. It’s beautiful, it’s warm. Yeah, it’s a good Friday.

Ray Higdon: Where do you live?

Rene’ M.: I am right now in Riggins, Idaho.

Ray Higdon: Okay, nice. I go to Boise every once in a while. Is that close?

Rene’ M.: Yep. About three hours. It’s Rivertown up north.

Ray Higdon: Cool. Awesome. Where are you at? What has led us to this coaching? Where are you at? How you doing?

Rene’ M.: Well, just recently, well, June, I guess the end of June I was working and my employer friend decided that she didn’t like me giving notice and kicked me out of the office and then evicted me. So I’m living in a camper and trying to make the best of it.

Ray Higdon: Let me understand this. So this was a friend of yours that you were working for and also was your landlord? Is that what?

Rene’ M.: Mm-hmm (affirmative). Yeah.

Ray Higdon: Okay. So you gave notice, what was the plan there? What made you give notice? What was the plan?

Rene’ M.: She was a little verbally, to me, it was a tough situation and I didn’t want to lose our friendship. She kind of verbally attacked me on text and I decided that it just wasn’t working out. I wanted to give my notice. Still be friends. I said, “Let’s talk,” and I was at working in real estate and she kicked me out of the office, told me basically to get out. Three days later she gave me a notice to vacate the home that I was actually going to eventually buy from them. Very interesting situation.

Ray Higdon: You had been paying to live there?

Rene’ M.: Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Ray Higdon: I don’t know the landlord laws, but that’s not normally how it works. She probably couldn’t legally have done that, just so you’re aware but you’re out.

Rene’ M.: Well, in Montana laws, we didn’t have a lease, it was month a month so they’re legally were able to give me a 30 day notice. Now with the eviction moratorium, with the pandemic, I could have fought it a little bit, but at that point I didn’t want to give them any of my money. I decided to, yeah.

Ray Higdon: What was your plan? First of all, I just want to acknowledge you for having the selfworth to say, “Hey, I’m not going to be your punching bag anymore,” and so good for you. What was the plan though? How were you going to make money?

Rene’ M.: Well, I’ve always wanted to build a business in network marketing, but I’ve always held on to a job because that’s my security. I was in a small resort town in Montana and I was going to work at a restaurant, which is always my easy thing to do.

Ray Higdon: Like go back to or something?

Rene’ M.: Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Ray Higdon: Okay. Gotcha. Where are you at now? Now how long ago did this happen?

Rene’ M.: I started living in my camper July 15th.

Ray Higdon: Okay. You’ve been focused on your network marketing business. How is that going? Where are we at there?

Rene’ M.: Not so great because I tend to make excuses or procrastinate or I’m not consistent. I think a lot of it is just not belief that I can do it and so I start on it and then I don’t. I’m literally going broke because I said, “Okay, here I am. There’s no excuses. Let’s do this business,” and for six weeks, I haven’t been doing my business.

Ray Higdon: Hmm. Do you know why that is? Do you know what is it that, what conclusion are you drawing? What are you afraid of or what are you resisting?

Rene’ M.: You know that’s the hardest question that I ask myself. I try to think, “Okay. When I was in a company years ago, kind of my first company, I was gung ho, I was on fire. I saw the vision. I was hitting ranks,” and then one of my whole side, binary, my whole side dropped off because one of my business partners said that I was too pushy, they weren’t me and they, she quit and took her whole side. It was one of those things where I was like, “Well, maybe I was,” I just was new, I didn’t know what I was doing. It took the wind out of my sails and I feel like I haven’t had that passion since then. Is that it? I don’t know. Maybe I don’t have belief. People tell me that maybe I think that I’m afraid to be successful or there’s people throw out things all the time as mentors, but I don’t know. Maybe belief.

Ray Higdon: Looking back, you, in this short conversation, you’ve given me two examples of friends betraying you. Have there been examples prior to that?

Rene’ M.: Oh yeah. I have a tendency to attract very strong people and they’re not the right people for me.

Ray Higdon: You just said something very, very powerful. It’s unfortunately powerful because you just made a declaration. You made a declaration that, “I tend to attract powerful people that aren’t good for me,” and as long as you hold on to that, then you know that what’s at the other end of that is pain because that’s what you’ve had to experience, right? The pain of loss, the pain of feeling bad, or feeling stupid, the pain of half a note, move all your stuff and getting a camper and all these things. I’m willing to bet that this started really young.

Rene’ M.: Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Ray Higdon: Can you recall a friend betraying you when you were young?

Rene’ M.: Probably my family, like my father leaving when I was five or four. I didn’t have the best family life. My mother was married about six times. Those people that I loved came in and then left and came in and left. I don’t know if that has anything to do with it.

Ray Higdon: I definitely think it does. I definitely think it does. Thank you for being so open, because sometimes this is much harder, but the association of powerful people that aren’t right for me, the association of six marriages, your mom had, and your father. Over and over and over from the age of four or five, all the way up to now, literally your entire life, you’ve observed this pattern that has become a belief, that has become your reality of, “Yes, I can attract people or I can get strong people or whatever, but at the end of the day, they’re just going to hurt. They’re just going to hurt me.” You may be at a point in your life where you’re like, “You know what? I’m sick of hurting so I just don’t want to do it.” How does that resonate with you?

Rene’ M.: Yep, I’m at that point, I really am at that point where it’s just like … Yeah. It’s tiring.

Ray Higdon: If I know hurt is the end result, then why the hell am I doing this? Have you ever thought that?

Rene’ M.: Yes, because just as we were talking, I’m attracted to those people maybe because I don’t think that I can be the strong person in that relationship or whatever or

Ray Higdon: Possible.

Rene’ M.: Yeah. I don’t know, this is pulling out some things in my head that even though I kind of knew, it’s eyeopening and stuff, but yeah, I see that. I do. That whole …

Ray Higdon: The shift would happen, let’s just step, we’ve been in emotion, let’s step into information.

Rene’ M.: Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Ray Higdon: You know what to do.

Rene’ M.: Right.

Ray Higdon: You’ve done it, you know what to do. We don’t need to focus our efforts on, okay, I want you to do this and this and this because you know what to do. You know what would work, you know you could do it. Just to address that because if you didn’t know, if you had never done it, then we would have to have that discussion. Do you know what it takes? You know what it takes.

Rene’ M.: Right.

Ray Higdon: Step one of changing anything is the first change your language. The declaration that you made, “I tend to attract,” so you attract what you believe to be true not what you want. You attract what you believe to be true. And you’re proving yourself right all the time. That’s not just you, that’s all of us. If I think that I attract bad business partners, I’m going to prove myself right every time. Even if that person doesn’t initially intend on being a bad business partner, I’ll figure out something that deems them a bad business partner, like, “Oh, they said this,” when maybe they didn’t even say that. That’s how crazy we are. All of us.

Rene’ M.: Right.

Ray Higdon: The thinker thinks, the prover proves. Step one is to, to change your language. That’s not the only step, but it’s the first step. In your situation, my suggestion to you as your affirmation to start with is, “In the past, I used to believe,” or, “Up until now, I used to attract powerful people that would end up hurting me. I’m so grateful it’s getting better and better.”

Rene’ M.: Okay.

Ray Higdon: Now this is a statement. It’s not a super bold statement like, “I’m amazing at attracting perfect people,” because you won’t believe that.

Rene’ M.: Right.

Ray Higdon: Am I right?

Rene’ M.: Yeah.

Ray Higdon: Someone just posted this for me, I was actually going to reference it but when your feeling is in conflict with your wish, the feeling will be the victor. This is why most people don’t think affirmations work is they’ll say, “I’m so happy I’m a millionaire,” but they don’t believe it. So it doesn’t do anything. It doesn’t help anything. They don’t see any kind of movement at all. If you just said, “I’m so happy, I’m attracting perfect people for me,” you probably would struggle to believe that, your feeling would be stronger than your wish, it wouldn’t work. To acknowledge in the past or up until now, I’ve attracted people that wasn’t the best for me. I’m so grateful it’s getting better. This is an easing in of how of helping things get better. Are you in our lifer program?

Rene’ M.: Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Ray Higdon: Okay. Did you attend or watch the first recording?

Rene’ M.: I did. Yes.

Ray Higdon: What have been your two wishes then?

Rene’ M.: My first wish is that I am gold in our business and the typing it in is just the excitement of after four years in this company, I finally hit the rank of gold and that’s been my goal ever since. Yeah.

Ray Higdon: Have you really dialed in how does it feel to be gold?

Rene’ M.: I’m trying, because I think the biggest part of my problem, I guess, or issue is just belief. I’m having to

Ray Higdon: That’s another, just so you’re aware because I’m like border patrol or something. I catch people’s language like crazy. I recognize it immediately. They don’t. You just said, “I believe my issue is belief,” and as long as you believe that you’re going to prove yourself right.

Rene’ M.: Right.

Ray Higdon: You can choose to no longer believe that’s the problem.

Rene’ M.: Right.

Ray Higdon: In the past I thought that my belief was the problem, but I’m so grateful it’s getting better and better. We have all these hooks into our past, we have all these chains, these things that are weighing us down and taking our energy away and we’re just so addicted to just easily spitting them out. I think it’s my belief. Well, as long as you think it’s your belief, you’ll never break that belief.

Rene’ M.: Right.

Ray Higdon: As long as you believe that to be true, it has to be true. I can’t not be. I think that only right-handed people can have success. Well, as long as I believe that, I’m right-handed so that was a bad example, but you get my point.

Rene’ M.: Yes.

Ray Higdon: You have to look at, “What are my still attachments to the past me?” Because this is really creating a new person because we can’t stay that old person and become something completely transformed. The butterfly doesn’t say, “You know what? I really like that tail though. That caterpillar tale is really cool. Let me hold onto that thing.” No, it transforms you don’t. It’s like, “What was a caterpillar? It doesn’t even look like it.” That’s what we’re going for. We’re going for a complete transformation here. We have to become guardians of our language and our feelings and say, “Oh, wait a minute. I almost said that, let me say it a different way.” You start to observe versus be on autopilot. Even with me on here, you’re so used to saying, “I think it’s my belief,” you just said it without even thinking about it.

Rene’ M.: Right.

Ray Higdon: We have to learn to observe what are we creating? What are we bringing into our reality? What do we believe is true? Does it serve us or not? If it doesn’t, we got to change it, we got to change it, we got to either eradicated or change it. The beginning is usually just change it, change it to, “In the past I believed,” or, “Up until now, I believed, I’m so happy it’s getting better,” because that eases you into a different experience. This is you saying, you focus and feeling good about your two wishes, but you, so nonchalantly say that, it negates them and wipes them out.

Rene’ M.: Right? Yeah. Yeah. Everything that you’re saying has brought back all the things that I say to myself when I’m trying to build the businesses. “I’m not successful so why would anybody believe me? Oh, this person is so excited about it but they’re probably not going to call back.” Things like that. Yeah, it’s just amazing.

Ray Higdon: Yes.

Rene’ M.: What I say to myself to bring me down. I used to be way up here when I first started and then I just slowly got to disbelief.

Ray Higdon: Yeah. Know that your subconscious is like an attentive lover. If you’re going to your attentive lover and saying, “Hey, I really like it when you talk down to me,” the attentive lover will say, “All right, well, you suck.” The attentive lover, it’s paying attention to what you’re putting out and giving you more of that back. If you’re saying to the attentive lover, “I see myself as successful,” the attentive lover will start buying you motivational posters, will start letting you experience things that make you actually feel better. That’s actually the programming of the subconscious. When our feelings and emotions, we are imprinting on the subconscious and saying, “This is what I want more evidence of. This is what I want more proof of. Please show me this, attentive lover.” It like, “Okey-doke,” and it doesn’t draw right or wrong. It’s not like, “No, no, no. I don’t think you need that, Rene’, let me give you something better.” It’ll never do that. Ever.

It will only give you what it believes you want and what you’re focused on and where your energy and attention is. It’s going to show you more proof. “Let me show you another betraying friend. Let me show you another strong person and watch out for this one.” It’s it’s going to keep showing up for you. It starts in our language of being guardians of our language and pinpointing that and paying attention to our feelings.

Use Jess, for example. There was a time where if she logged in and the credit card expenses were high, she’d be like, “Credit card.” I’m like, “Whoa, whoa. Stop attracting more expenses, cut it out. Don’t do that shit. That’s not helping us. That isn’t serving us.” You see it, you deal with it, and you do what you need to do, but you don’t need that feeling because that is a mega ton bomb of show me more expenses. Show me more things to be bummed out about. Show me more things that says that the world is collapsing financially. You just got to watch those things. Now, that doesn’t mean that if you’re reaching out to someone that you get addicted to them calling you back, you’re just not expressing that they won’t.

Rene’ M.: Right.

Ray Higdon: That’s the difference. I didn’t have expectations. I would reach out to someone and I’m like, “If they reach out great, if not, that’s fine too.” But I would step into that feeling of being gold. What does that look like? How do people can celebrate you and congratulate you? Do you wear your pin or is there a pin? Do you wear the ring or whatever you get there. If there is a certificate that you get at gold, maybe I make up one and put, “Congrats with being gold,” and really feel that. I don’t feel it and then say, “Yeah, but that’ll never happen,” because then my feeling wins. You see what I mean?

Rene’ M.: Right, mm-hmm (affirmative).

Ray Higdon: Does this help?

Rene’ M.: Yes because I felt like I had all these different things that I couldn’t figure out what was holding me back. But really, if I look at all those things, they’re all in one thing and yeah, it is my belief and it’s the way that I talk to myself and the way that I believe

Ray Higdon: In the past.

Rene’ M.: Yeah, in the past, in the past, because that’s not going to happen anymore, but yeah, it’s very eyeopening and scary, because it’s been my life for so long. But it’s empowering to be able to see it for someone else, rather than saying, “I think it’s this or this or this.”

Ray Higdon: Yeah. Well, the four weeks of coaching will definitely help for sure, because you’re going to have to work at it. You don’t wipe out decades-old belief patterns and language patterns, just like, “Poof, we’re done in 20 minutes. Amazing.” You’re going to have to work at it, but I would focus on getting better. I would focus on two things, getting better at catching yourself, of you about to say it, “Oh, that doesn’t serve me. Don’t need to say it. In the past, I would say this and now much better.” Then two, especially before you go to bed, just really focusing on the feelings of having achieved gold without any caveats, without any yeah buts, without any do I really deserve it, screw all of that and just see yourself, feel yourself being gold and send that to imprint on the subconscious and watch what happens. You can do that without any caveats, without any yeah buts, then you’re going to see some really cool stuff.

Rene’ M.: Awesome.

Ray Higdon: All right.

Rene’ M.: Well, I am up for it because I don’t have a choice really. I have choice in my life, but I’m kind of in a pickle.

Ray Higdon: Yeah. You may look back at this and say, “That’s exactly what I needed.” For me, I needed foreclosure. Foreclosure helped me tremendously, not at the time, but it helped me tremendously, and so we’re rooting for you Rene’, keep us in the loop, okay?

Rene’ M.: Thank you so much. I appreciate it.

Ray Higdon: Awesome.

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More Resources For You:

How To Attract The Right People To Build Your Network Marketing Team

Why People Will Join You If You Are Brand New

29 Sources of Leads so you never run out of people to talk to again.

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