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#1 Problem With Most Relationships That
Prevents Success in All Areas
So, there are all kinds of ways to have problems in a relationship, but I feel there is one area that tends to lead to all the other problems. As you know, I am a homebased business marketer but I talk about this topic as if you are failing in your relationships, success in your business simply does not matter. Read on to find out what I consider the #1 problem and how to address it.
So…what’s the Problem?
The problem is assuming we know what the other person is thinking or why they are doing something. Anytime you base your emotions or actions on reasons you THINK are accurate, you are setting yourself up for anxiety. Years ago I attended training by a company called Landmark and they spelled this process out in a very easy to understand manner.
There is “What Happened” and Then Our “Story about What Happened”
There is always what happened. What happened is a fact. What happened is a truth not subject to opinion. Most people spend their life in their own stories about what happened. They hold grudges for decades based upon their stories. Creating stories about what happened is the world’s favorite past-time as we constantly want everything around us to have a meaning and we want to be the ones that cracked the meaning.
Deal with What is, Not Your Story
People attach meaning and create stories on almost everything that happens. Let me give you some scenarios…
Scenario 1 – A close friend of yours gets a promotion at their job. Shortly thereafter they stop calling you to hang out any more. You see them at Costco with another friend of theirs, you are excited to see them but they don’t appear to be as excited. What does this mean?
Scenario 2 – Your significant other comes home late on your anniversary. They have been spending more and more time at the office for the last two months. You recently found out that there is a new single “hottie” in the office that was hired about two months ago. Hmm…
Scenario 3 – You have been working hard on your homebased business. Things have finally taken off. Even though most of your friends told you that you would never make it, you did anyway. You are at the grocery store and you see your best friend from high school which is the first person that you talked to about your business. You go up to them, excited, and share how well things are going for you. They very quickly end the conversation and walk away. What the heck?
How Quickly Did You Draw Conclusions?
Aww, how masterful we are at creating stories with such limited input. Are these possible conclusions?
Scenario 1 – Your friend, along with their promotion, also got a 20 hour increase in the number of hours they have to work. In fact, they are putting in so many hours that when they are not at work they literally do not want to talk to anyone.
Scenario 2 – Is it possible that the single hottie has absolutely nothing to do with the seasonal increase in work for your significant other?
Scenario 3 – Is it possible that their mother or father just passed away?
For every scenario that you can paint that is negative, you can also paint one that makes you look petty, jealous or small. So…don’t spend so much time concentrating on the stories you create in your mind. Talk to the people around, open up the conversation, don’t assume you know what is going on in their heads. Only you know how much you have to deal with and the same with everyone else. People don’t talk or think about us as much as we believe they do as they have their OWN life to look after.
Maybe it has NOTHING to do with Your Business
I can tell you that if you are not happy with the relationships in your life, you are going to have a much tougher time building your homebased business. Some think that if they only succeed that their relationships will get better, I am here to inform you that in almost all cases, it is the OTHER way around. If you improve your relationships, your business will have a much better chance of success.
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To Your Abundance!
Ray Higdon
(239) 471-4800
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