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Why Do People Treat You The Way They Do?

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Why Do People Treat You The Way They Do?

magnifyingglass I blog about a lot of topics around network marketing, self-improvement and mindset. Success in any of those areas all come down to how you relate to others and how you communicate. Think about it. The most successful people you know are great communicators most of the time. They are also treated a certain way by their peers. That doesn’t mean that being successful brings you tons and tons of friends, it certainly can also bring you enemies or people envious of your success. So, take where you are in life with your relationships. Why do people treat you the way they do?

Notice I did not indicate whether people treat your badly or well but you immediately drew a conclusion on what I was talking about. If you have more relationships in your life that you don’t understand or don’t like how you are treated, you probably immediately thought negatively. In this blog I am going to teach you why people treat you the way they do.

- Think about your spouse or significant other.  How do they treat you, are there any patterns?

- Think about your kids, if you have them. How do they treat you, are there any patterns?

- Think about your parents. How do they treat you, are there any patterns?

You know one pattern in the above questions, is you. Here is the secret to unlocking why people treat you the way they do. People treat you the way they do, because you have trained them how to do so. If your child acts out to get attention and you give it, they have you well trained. If your spouse or partner does something to annoy you, and they are consistently doing it, they are getting a payoff and you are training them to keep doing so. We desperately desire pointing out other people’s flaws and problems and where they are wrong and where we are right but, we cannot change them, we can only change ourselves. To be more precise, we cannot even control what happens to us but we can control how we react to them.

Yesterday I was at a parent seminar and I was talking to a mother who was complaining that her son made her do everything. The example being that she was in this seminar, was with his father and called her to ask where his hat was. Her complaint was that the father should have intervened and handled it while she was out but when I asked if she had always been the one to do, find and help with everything she said yes. So, I told her she was getting exactly what she had trained them to do. It is only when you retrain people on how you want to be treated that they will change and the only way to do that is to change the way you respond.

If someone is not treating you the way you want to be treated, don’t cover it up, address the issue, bring it into the light. Only once it is out in the open can it be properly addressed. Did you know that most people complain about people that have no idea they even have that complaint about them? How much sense does that make? Why lead a life that is full of stress when it just isn’t necessary and it is totally a waste of time.

This certainly pays true in business as well. The way you train people to treat you when it comes to money and business will play out over and over. If you have taught people to treat you like someone who is always hurting for money, don’t expect them to be excited when you bring home your latest network marketing opportunity. Be the person that you yourself would want to sign up with and hang with people that aren’t around you from pitying you. You have the power to change anything in your life, so start leading that life that you deserve!

If you enjoy this post, please do me a favor and share with others and retweet and comment.

To Your Abundance!

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Ray Higdon
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rayhigdon@rayhigdon.com
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38 Comments
  1. Awesome post Ray, it brings to mind what I need to address for my next attraction marketing video. You’re the best.

    Anthony

    [Reply]

    admin Reply:

    Thanks Anthony! Lets chat tomorrow big dog

    Ray

    [Reply]

  2. Thanks,I have become aware of why I’m feeling the way I do.

    [Reply]

  3. And, it’s easy to see how this is happening when looking at other people, not so easy when looking at me:-) I’ve been playing a “little game” with my 20 yr old daughter who’s living at home. She refuses to do her dishes, so I pile up her dishes and put them on her desk in her room. She got so angry when she came home, and said “everyone does so many stupid things at work”, my friends do dumb things, and now my Mum is so childish as well.

    It’s easy for me to see how she’s “attracting” all these things people are doing. And, I can see how I attracted her being mad at me! I can’t help it though:-)

    [Reply]

    admin Reply:

    It’s saying the things that aren’t being said that sheds light and opens up new possibilities, good luck!

    Ray

    [Reply]

  4. Thanks Ray, I really enjoyed this article. Its about taking 100% responsibility for not only ourselves, but the way others treat us too.

    Amanda :)

    [Reply]

  5. Thanks ray. This post really hit the nail on the head. It was really eye opening. My wife and I were just talking about this the other day with our kids and here we are coming across your post.

    Thanks for the sincere words.
    Really was a big help and eye opener.

    Steve Reh

    [Reply]

  6. Hi Ray,

    This is great & has made me realise why a few people treat me the way they do. I’m not going to put up with it anymore & will start training the way they think.

    Keep up the great work

    Thanks

    Ed

    [Reply]

  7. Hi Ray…

    This is so true! People are conditioned to respond the way they are trained. And every interaction adds to the conditioning.

    I will be playing guitar and singing a song “Cat’s In The Cradle” in a talent show next week that is about this very subject!

    Have a Great Week,
    Phil

    [Reply]

    admin Reply:

    Good Luck!

    Ray

    [Reply]

  8. Thanks for this insightful post, Ray – it’s so true, of course!

    I used to get so resentful of my family when they stayed with me, and didn’t do things the way I wanted them done in my flat – but after taking a long hard look at ME, I realised that
    (1) they weren’t doing it to upset me; they just do things a little differently
    (2) in the great scheme of things, a couple of dirty cups in the sink is not going to harm anyone, least of all me!
    (3) I was upsetting myself and alienating them with my resentment

    So prior to their last visit, I decided that everything would be ok! I decided to be chilled, and not let trivia get to me. And you know what, it was the nicest visit I’ve had with them – my sister-in-law made a special effort to tidy up after the kids, and everything was just a whole lot calmer and really really nice.

    And it was because I had decided that I would be different….

    All the best!
    Tracey

    (UTribe)

    [Reply]

    admin Reply:

    I get that! Yeah, we don’t just hurt them, we also hurt ourself. We are not meant to live a life that is frustrating and powerless!

    Ray

    [Reply]

  9. This is so true this post I love it. I say to my kids if a child is not so nice at school to them and they have been called a name or something along that lines – “I say do you believe you are that – then don’t let them dictate what you are and how you feel. If you know your not that -then your not!”
    I will never let anyone tell me what I am, what to do or how I feel. If they are ever rude then they obviously don’t think much of themselves. Nothing anyone says is going to change my inner happiness.
    Great Post Ray!
    Thanks, Sharon

    [Reply]

  10. Really good post and for the most part I’d agree. Do you not think that ppre-conceived perceptions also play a part. I see this a lot. Being blind, you’d be surprised the conclusions that people jump to and sometimes fighting those pre-conceptions is very hard to do. However, I love a challenge so I say bring it on. :-)

    [Reply]

    admin Reply:

    Well, pre-conceived notions are something you may just get whenever, by treating I mean how people treat you long term. A notion can be dismissed once they realize it was false whereas how they treat you is ongoing. Thanks for the comment!

    Ray

    [Reply]

  11. Thanks Ray! That was freakin awesome! I love the point that you made that sometimes the person you feel is treating you badly doesn’t even know it. I like how you make a call to action to address it and stop just accepting that’s how they treat you. Love it keep it coming! :)

    Erin

    [Reply]

  12. Great post, Ray! It should always be remembered that there are two people in every relationship. It takes the actions of both people to characterize the relationship — not just the “other person” and those behaviors. Taking personal responsibility for one’s own actions is so important for building quality relationships. Tracey’s comment above is so illustrative of that.

    Bob

    [Reply]

  13. I love this article. I think that it is important to really treat people the way you want to be treated. I believe there is no such thing as being too kind and too loving as long as it is genuine!

    Keep writing…you are an excellent writer.

    Believe in Yourself,

    Ange;-)
    Twitter Diva
    http://www.whoisangelagiles.com

    [Reply]

  14. What a great reminder! Thank you for sharing! It is so easy to see this happening with others but it is much harder to look within. But the payoffs are certainly worth it!

    [Reply]

  15. Ray –

    This is good stuff! I want to thank you for your continual wisdom and insight.

    To succeed is a choice. To transform, you must choose to do so.

    Thanks!

    ~Andie Petoskey

    [Reply]

  16. Thanks Ray and so very true.

    I saw this played out in my own relationship with my sister. She had a complaint about me but it was almost a year before I knew about it. By that time a lot of hurt feelings had built up, so it took a long time to iron out all that stuff so we could talk again in a pleasant way. If I had known her complaint early on, all this could have been resolved in a short amount of time.

    Great content. Have an awesome day.
    ~Rhonda

    [Reply]

  17. Sometimes it is a good reminder that people treat you how you allow them to treat you. Thanks.

    [Reply]

  18. Ray you did it again! You hit it right on the nail. When it comes to people disrespecting you and treating you messed up people either continue to do so or they will stop. Depending on who you are and mostly how you react those people will either continue to do so or not.

    I have a way of dealing with people myself. So when people are being mean and make me feel bad all I do is just simple ignore it and give them a positive reaction like; “Thanks I really appreciate your opinion”(sometimes I am sarcastic lol), and when this is done this really throws people off.

    So most likely they will stop treating you wrong because they did not get the reaction they wanted or they will come out to be a good friend of yours.

    -Reggie Barentt

    [Reply]

  19. Ray-

    How one treats another is a reflection. If one treat others with compassion and kindness, others will return in kind. If one treat others with bitterness and negativity, others will respond in the same manner. Always treat others how you want to treated.

    [Reply]

  20. Oh so true Mike!

    Your attitude and the way you career yourself definitely determines how people treat you. If you let folks walk all over you, they will. If you’re confident, respect others and demand respect, you’ll get it.

    [Reply]

  21. Great post Ray! We really do teach others how to treat us!

    [Reply]

  22. Ray,

    Your blog post is so on point. Our words and thoughts are so powerful. People attact the same energy they are putting out. If (in)harmonious things are present outside, it’s a sure indication of what’s happening on the inside. We take these things for granted, but they truly shape our world.

    Thanks for the great insight!

    Bridgette

    [Reply]

  23. Hey Ray!

    Oh man this is right up my alley! Great post Ray. So glad we connected through TUT!

    We’ll be coming back for sure!

    [Reply]

  24. Ray,

    You make great points. People sometimes don’t realize
    how real life and business carry over into each other.
    Thanks for sharing.

    Have a great day,
    Tommy D.

    [Reply]

  25. Hi Ray,

    Great post. I always believe we have more impact on how we are treated than we realize.

    Thank you for sharing.

    Alicia (UTribe)

    [Reply]

  26. Hey what’s happening Ray!?

    Great post…it makes me want to fire my old high school buds. Kidding, it’s so true that we grow based on what we read and who we hang out with. So why not read the best books and associate yourself with like-minded folks that are going places?

    I’m looking forward to connecting online soon!

    Cheers,

    Nick

    [Reply]

  27. Excellent topic and one that makes the reader do a self-evaluation. Thanks for sharing such valuable content and look forward to more.

    [Reply]

  28. Ray-

    How one treats another is a reflection. If one treat others with compassion and kindness, others will return in kind. If one treat others with bitterness and negativity, others will respond in the same manner. Always treat others how you want to treated.

    [Reply]

  29. I am 21 and for as long as I can remember I have been the person out of all of my family who is “left out”. When I was little my sister and cousins would play together and whisper and not let me join. You know what I mean… it’s something kids have done for ages now. It lessened as I got older but there was still many times I was left out. The people I didn’t get left out of with was my friends. And that kind of made it seem worse… why would my friends be nice and not leave me out and why would my own family leave me out and treat me differently? It wasn’t with all of my family but it was with the ones who were around my own age. Now days my sister is about the only one who shows she loves me or cares. I live with my mother and for years now she ignores me half of the time and treats others better than me. When not that long ago we had a great relationship and were like friends. We can still talk to each other about anything and I express all of my issues and problems with her and I don’t hold back. But it doesn’t seem to matter, a day later and she is back to how she is. She will sit on her phone all day chatting with people online and will look at me when I want to tell her something but immediately look back down at her phone and not hear a word I said. She shows more attention and kindness to her online friends and she constantly talks about them and puts them first before important things and family in her life. She wasn’t able to get me a 21st birthday gift this year, which I didnt request anything and she spent some time with me. But just the other day my cousin told her she was turning 21 and mom couldnt believe it. She said she would have to get her something. I can go to a store with my dad and some cousins, my sister, brother, just family in general. and someone will buy drinks for everyone and we head down the road and they all of a sudden remember that they forgot to get me a drink! and that has happened in many different kinds of situations! its crazy. just today my brother and mom and 2 cousins went to town and my brother bought them all lunch and came home to eat it. but he didn’t pick me up anything or even say he forgot about me and was sorry or anything! and i never expect anything from anyone. the main thing i want is to simply be included in things and shown that people care about me. when people do something wrong to me or like i mentioned earlier forget about me, i don’t get mad or say anything. im quiet and i feel sad and i have to hold back tears. everything has added up over the years and now everytime something happens that shows people dont care, i have to hold back tears cuz i just want to cry. my dad is a whole other story. he has always been a jerk. and not just to me. all of our lives our dad has treated all of us badly. he used to call us cuss words when we were younger if he got mad. he would be a jerk to us one minute and the next second he is being nice to one of our cousins or someone else’s kids. giving them a few bucks, joking with them, playing with kids… you name it. he has always treated other children better than his own. not to mention he cheated on my mom many times which is why they are getting divorced within 2 more months. with dad you can never do anything good enough and you are always wrong and he shouts out of nowhere and gets mad and grumps and gets pissed about anything and everything. and he takes everything you ever say wrong. so you basically cant say anything without him getting mad at you. and its actually a lot worse than how it sounds in text. and what sucks is that everyone else has always thought our dad was cool and have never believed us when we tell them he is an a**!! well, that is a lot of info and that isnt even the half of it. i just want to know if maybe it is because of how i act? i am nice to everyone i meet and i always put a lot of thought in about others and trying to help them, get them things, let them know stuff that would interest them. i give people stuff a lot and am pretty eager to please others. im quiet and pretty shy at times when i am not open. and i just wonder if the way i am gives people a view of me that says i am here no matter what and so it doesnt matter how they treat me or if they do anything for me, because i dont matter. if that explains correctly what i mean, lol. i am just confused and any advice would help!

    [Reply]

    Ray Higdon Reply:

    I had a lot of family issues as well, didn’t talk to my Dad for 13 years, if I can make a suggestion that helped me, it’d be look into the landmark forum at landmarkeducation.com

    [Reply]

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